Tuesday, September 29, 2009

There comes a time such as this

So before I start, can I please ask that you suspend with the platitudes…… I know, I don't mean to be rude, but sometimes I think one is allowed to wallow in self pity and depression – because for healthy people it only makes us stronger to realize how much we have, have had and know that tomorrow will be a better day… now half of my problem is that I am an overachiever – left to me, I will be done with my PhD and already be working in the health ministry in Naij…. That's the human me…. The spiritual me knows God has other plans – schewwww the way it's looking I might never use my degree for a damn thing….but it still doesn't mean that I can't be mad and annoyed that I am still currently doing nothing two months later….. everybody goes, go to Naij…things will be different you would have gotten something bla bla….but there is a whole bunch of devils I will be dealing with there as well….in any case I am at this place where I feel like I am a failure and still have nothing to show for all the hard work I have put into trying to be a good, successful person who should be taking care of her siblings right now so my mum can relax…. And that place where I think maybe if I cry often enough God will turn things around….not only for me, but for my family and friends as well…because I am not the only one going through this…..it is well…..

Depression over….moving on to exciting things…

Operation skinny bitches with the ladies (my best friend and another pal) Is going well – worked out every day since I have been in Houston, and I can't tell you how many pounds we have lost, cos we didn't weigh ourselves…..but the soreness we are experiencing makes us feel really good…..by our bday in oct (best friend and i) we should be looking smashing and toned… I encourage everyone to try working out even if it's for 30mins – it makes for a healthy you

In love with some recent trends – so it's hot in the H, but if you currently live where it's cool, or even at night when you go out on dates – for my female readers I have some suggestions abt fashion (I know right unbelievable, but its sumn old I just picked up and love) – I don't have to tell you that heels look good on anything – invest in them, especially colorful ones…also invest in sweaters – in yankee they call them cardigans – light ones - and hey if these things r expensive as they usually are, get your brothers or your sisters and pair it with a belt if it's too big for you – you can reuse your summer wife-beaters or graphic tees and with a pair of jeans or leggings(even those leather looking ones) – you my friend are ready to hit anywhere, even church…so simple, with the right amount of makeup and accessories – you will kill the runway…… also pair a dress( I know I hate to re-wear my clothes, so this is only time I will mention it) with a professional jacket, preferably longer ones…and you good to go

So Imma share with you my secret source for good music – even before others hear it on the radio – my fellow music lovers, I introduce to you - www.mixmatters.com ….no Nigerian songs obviously (I don't even know where to find those anymore) and not a lot of country or rock(for those I recommend vh1.com or mtv.com or billboard 100) tell me what you think of the website…..I absolutely adore it…..speaking of music – I don't think I have introduced you to my boss and colleague Mr Ayohla Adepoju – CEO of www.wepluggoodmusic.com – check it out fellows you won't be disappointed – we give you the latest info and the best music from talents all over the world – and you will be surprised how many underground and unknown great Nigerian artists we have – but then we give you the latest in the UK Music industry (I swear I don't understand this grime business) to folks from Canada like Mr. drizzy drake himself…..nways check It out…..So I hope you have all gotten Whitney Houston's album right now – that shit is off the hook

Fall tv was made for jobless folks like me I tell you – I watch it all – House, Fringe, The Mentalist, Glee, Bones, Brothers & Sisters, NCIS, CSI:Miami – I mean everything and for this reason I don't envy school goers – also trying to learn Spanish – I will appreciate some help folks – it will be good for my cv – so I haven't read a good book in a while, any recommendations? especially one of those fantasy, mills and boon kind – where I could live vicariously through the characters and lose myself in the world and for the 1hr or so it takes me to read a 300+ pg book – I can forget the reality of my life….. I swear my emotions have been screwed up lately – find myself reaching for things that are naught – hoping for things unattainable – arrgh o well – some secrets should go to the grave with you, lol (don't read too much into that sentence)

I don't know if I wrote anything that has made sense now – I feel like I have lost my words lately and just find myself blabbering and opening my mouth when I should be keeping quiet – feel like I am playing chess with the issues in my life – but with that said I can tell you this – I am HAPPY and you should be too, reach down and dig in and hold on, cos there comes such a time as this when you are tested and you find yourself slipping – and you realize you are a strong person but its ok to lean on God, cast your burden and relax – I feel light already…..whoop whoop……

See u next month – my month….o weeeeeeeeeeee it's going down…..lol

Monday, September 28, 2009


TIME....is the currency of the earth.....except unlike money it can't be saved for another day.....so spend every minute of it wisely, make every waking moment an opportunistic one....


Enuff said innit?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Sometimes Goodbye is a second chance

I had to know…. I had to know if the love I felt was one sided….I didn't want to jeopardize my relationship with boyfriend #1 but I had to hear him say he never liked me, it was the only way I could let go….

Boyfriend #2 was still on my mind…I guess the way he had been talking over the next couple of days before I got to Nigeria, made me think he was really into me and probably had always been…..but I was wrong

I had noticed that he kept referring to some girl, on his bb and facebook, and I wasn't jealous because I never gave it much thought, I was happy with boyfriend #1, so what did I care? I even saw a picture on his profile page and is it ok to tell you that I am finer than her? Again, not jealous I am just stating a fact…. I find that amazing by the way, guys I mean from my father to my friends always leave/ cheat on their present wives/ girlfriends for uglier girls….but I digress….

I get to Nigeria and I am swamped like I knew I will be until 3days before I left when I finally got an evening to breathe and relax….coincidentally he calls me right after I had just come out from taking a relaxing shower….it was a hot day and muggy night in Lagos as usual, but fortunately there was light so I figured I will spend the evening at home with my siblings, shower, movie and some good ole girl gist….this was one of the reasons why I liked him, he always knew when to call, when I was tired, when I needed to hear an old warm caring and reassuring voice, like he did today, like he knew I was going to be free….

"Hey babe, really though do you think it's possible that you going to leave this country without seeing me?"

"Hey love, hi to you too"

"I asked you a question babe; answer me first before we continue the pleasantries"

"I have been busy now, you know this….I have spoken to you almost every day, I just got home and was thinking about relaxing with my siblings, I haven't really spent time with them this trip and thankfully there is light today"

"I know you have, sorry about that, but at least you about to go and leave behind all the Lagos stress, so when am I going to see you"

"O shoot, they just took light….shit, there goes my nice night….well I'm free now if you want to come over"

"I'm on my way actually, was going to surprise you, but I figured I should call just incase, I'll see you soon babe"

"Lol, ode….you really know me that well huh? Nways let me go dressed…see you"

Getting dressed, I thought carefully about what I was doing, I couldn't decide if I wanted to dress up provocatively because I wanted to tease him or because I wanted to 'do' him… I couldn't figure out if I wanted to know how he felt or just let him feel me…our chemistry was instant, we didn't need to build into anything, we saw each other and wanted to tear our clothes off always… it took us years to have sex out of pure dedication and perseverance on my part, waiting for him to be done with his ex before we did anything and I knew he had someone again this time, I just didn't know how serious it was…could I blame him? I lived several thousand miles away and we hadn't seen each other in a year, he was a successful, fine young man, it was a shame to waste away waiting for me…. I hadn't exactly been waiting for him either…

An hour later, he arrives at the door… my siblings haven't met him before were all over him, he had brought the little ones a tub of ice-cream….they liked him and that was always a plus in my books… I hoped they liked boyfriend #1 as much as they liked him…saying my goodbyes and promising to make up the night with them before we left… and as soon as we get into the car, he grabs me for a kiss…

"O my gosh, you smell so good…I had been wanting to do that since I saw you but not infront of your siblings"

"Thanks you smell and look good yourself"

"You look great babes; yankee is treating you well huh?

"I guess… we thank God, so where are we going?"

"Movie, dinner and my place, if that's ok?

I don't remember the movie, although dinner was really good… some nice restaurant I can't remember the name as well – they served a mean steak, it was really delicious…we never made it to his place

"I have to talk to you and I just want you to listen and in response be truthful – lately I have been thinking about you a lot and I find it rather disturbing because we never promised each other anything and you probably never knew that I had feelings for you…. But I do…actually more like I did…. I am seeing someone right now, and its serious and he really loves me, but first I have to know if you love me, or ever loved me…. I just need to know that I don't love you anymore"

"O wow, l love you, I'm sure you know that, but I'm not sure its anything special, you know that "in love" with you feeling… I care for you and I didn't come and want to see you just for sex, I have missed you… we have always been good with each other and you understand me… and to be honest I am seeing someone as well and you are going back in 3days…. So I don't think it's something to actually weigh…things might have been different if you were here all this while… and if you think you are in love this boy and you think he loves you, you should go for it"

Its why I would always cherish him… he was always honest with me, while he spoke he looked into my eyes and held my hands, I felt safe and didn't even feel like he hurt my feelings by not saying he loved me… he was the one who suggested he take me home…I spoke to him everyday till I left and he surprised me by coming to the airport to say bye….. This time he kissed me infront of my siblings….

On the plane, I cried, good tears….he was right, we made the right decision….boyfriend #1 wasn't perfect but we were perfectly right for each other….our love was not extraordinary and yet it couldn't be called ordinary… I couldn't wait to see him….sometimes goodbye is really a second chance, for tomorrow there was the opportunity for newfound pleasures with boyfriend #1, my heart was fully open, more than I thought possible, my last thought as I fell asleep…….

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Lords prayer - My way

Father in Heaven, I haven't spoken to you properly in a while....I am really sorry, I don't know why, I try to live good, obey your commandments, read my bible, even fast but yet I find myself only muttering a few lines to you each day. Is that enough? you know I love you right?

My mummy says to talk to you like i'm talking to my dad, but you know my dad and I don't talk much either....if I were a singer, I will sing my prayer, but since i'm a writer, I am just going to write it out....you knew I was going to do this beforehand, didn't you, all sovereign Lord?

I wanted to ask you, why I didn't get that job. Indiana sucked that bad huh? Well I still wanted to thank you.....It has made me focus on this writing career...quick question, is that the new direction? because ummm I just graduated with a masters that is totally useless, well maybe not totally, if thats the case. I thought the plan was to be the Minister of Health in Nigeria by age 30, I need your direction Lord. Of which Baba, I met someone who is 23 and is in her final year of her PhD...that was supposed to be me o....I am not questioning you sha, cos I know you have great plans for me, plans for me to succeed.

If I am to be a writer, help me to know what to write and expand my horizon and let this career take off as soon as possible, I want to be on CNN soon. Please forgive me for all the sex talk on the blog, creative license is all, nothing else. Whatever the career Lord, whatever country I will be working..... I need it now, need to know now, because I need to start paying bills, you know every, my outstanding school fees(they wont give me my diploma now) and my brothers school fees and rent and light and phone and....you know every sha, please give me a job, Baba.

Speaking of Nigeria, things are really bad in that country, Lord. We need water, and light and a good healthcare system, and you could please kill all the evil and corrupt politicians while you are it. Nigeria will be great in my generation, in your name. I am ready to move back there though, I think my mummy is afraid I am coming to look for man there. I am interested in that myself, I would like to know who "the one" is....I am not ready to marry, but dating is a very long thing and I am trying to stay temptation free, so if you told me that will make my life so much easier.

Baba God, I had ulcer pains the other day.....I thought that was over as well as the migraines...I know its partly my fault cos I haven't been eating well, but I have gotten fat, and I don't want to be fat. I want to be like mummy, so that after 4 kids, I still wear a size 4...please....and that other health problem, please fix it and heal me....also please heal mummy of that nerve condition, she will see each of her children's kids in your name.

Thank you for time I'm getting to spend with my brother....he is a really good boy, always supporting me and encouraging me and praying....although this one that he won't clean the house since I have come and is always tickling me, I don't like it o, and he eats too much and stays skinny, its not fair.Thank you for my earthly daddy, open doors that seem to be shut against him, in Jesus name. Thank you for all my siblings, including the one I haven't seen, and please make a way so that my two sisters can study abroad(Ghana and South Africa are suitable options as well)

Thank you for all my friends Lord anyone I have met and know me and anyone who reads this.....help them to be good servants for you and prosper and enrich them....let them know you. strengthen my faith Lord, let me pray like this more and forgive me for all the sins I have committed knowingly and unknowingly. and please protect President Obama and let the healthcare bill pass this year.

I love you Father,
Amen and Amen
Your loyal child

P.s.......say a little prayer today, and smile God loves you

Monday, September 14, 2009


Big words for deepful thinking.....I dont have any deep words for you though, just things I have been thinking about over the weekend

Um - ricka......Wale's(the artist) pronounctiation of America.....did you all see the utter total disrespect for President Obama and America imo by congressman Joe Wilson? OP-ED columinist Maureen Dowd wrote this in the NY Times, and I daresay I agree "Some people just can’t believe a black man is president and will never accept it"............. I mean what do you think guys, is she wrong, am I mad in agreeing with her? Its the only reason why I think he had the guts to say that.....its not like Obama is a god or anything and the minute he does something I don't agree with, I will be the first to say something and I am not one to play the race card but its really sad the way the U.S is heading...seems to be a lot of hate and turmoil going on here and for those who want to remain in this country you need to start to pray for the country.....p.s. buy a house in Nigeria, just in case.....lol.......
Craziness - Serena Williams threatnening folks, Tiger Woods loosing his cool, Roger Federer as well, Juan Martin Del Porto beating Roger Federer, all the sports upset, Kanye West showing what a punk he is(lets not even go there)....its been one hell of a week/weekend..........very entertaning

Marriage - so i'm just wondering if its just me or do you think that Nigeria is really backwards on this marriage thing.... To be honest, the good thing about being a developing country is that we dont deal with some problems(e.g fewer health issues, homosexuality, disrespect of adults)....little things like that.....but imo, on this marriage thing, Naija really needs to be in the 21st century mindset......why do people keep telling me that the next stage in my life is marriage?...let me remind you that I am 22....I have my life way ahead of me....I haven't even done much with it yet....aren't we taking this thing a little bit too far? let me also say that my mum has been divorced more years than she was married.....now in Naij, she is female and can't/won't/shouldn't remarry, while my dad is remarried with 3kids(one of whom I haven't seen).....do you see the irony here? for lack of a better word....can you see why I am in no rush to marry? shu not like I am getting all kinds of marriage requests....I like young boys and it means they are not ready to marry, and I am wondering what it says of a relationship if I am going into it saying thats the man I want to marry?....i'm just going to stop here....it pisses me off, when I marry you will know...till then at least respect me enuff to stop asking this question...ask me how my man is, if i have a man?....

Men - speaking of men, its funny what they remember....so i'm talking to HE, saying I will be going to Canada to go renew my visa, and he goes "o cool, so you get a chance to hook up with your ex".....I burst out laughing, who remembers shit like that?....or maybe cos I don't have that many exs so he knows where they all are, but those are the details that I don't remember, where you lived, went to skool, lol even your birthday or our anniversary lol, I know i'm bad....I just found it cute and worthy of reporting.....my best friend says there is no guy that I have met that hasn't liked me.....i'm beginning to believe her.....i'm beginning to think my friendly vibe comes off as, she is interested in me.....in recent weeks a couple guys that conversation with is limited only to fb and maybe the phone, have been confessing undying love.....I don't know what it is, but its scary stuff.......my friend calls it a good problem, I say its annoying...

Job - been rejected on all the job offers so far ---:( , i'm bored and tired of sitting at home...o well I believe in the living God, and I know it will work out...So I have been telling my mum that God is trying to tell me that its time to move back to Naij and my mum is going to say...."hmm tell me the truth, abi o ti fe wa se iyawo ni(are you ready to come get married?)" lol, I burst out laughing......but if I must be honest, she might be right....even if its not HE, I think my husband is in Naij, alll my potentials are there.....thinking about making this writing thing a professional thing....I will let you know how that pans out........

Heard something that I found really interesting yesterday......"God is in the details".....some other folks say "the devil is in the details".....I choose to say the former....but do you know what it means?...God is in the details means nothing is overlooked whereas the devil is in the details is when small things are overlooked....another explanation is this "Some say “The devil is in the details,” meaning solutions break down when you examine them closely enough. Some say “God is in the details,” meaning opportunities for discovery and creativity come from digging into the details"................what say you? I found it really fascinating.......

Speaking of which, below is a video that I found honest and worth people, especially the females listening to....its rather long, but please try to listen to it and let me know what you think.....

To end this, I want to introduce you to my friend Prince Jags...I live for his jokes on his facebook status and he always send me the most hilarious things on bb.....he doesn't have a twitter page yet, but as soon as he does, i'll let you know what it is, so you can check him out...he writes most of his on stuff.....Enjoy

Prince Jags II.....Jags man/woman difference joke of the day:

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


Today Manchester United lost. At least I got laid
Lol.....that, was funny....men and soccer innit.....have a great rest of the week guys, will go back to the stories soon....please understand that its not all about me, its mostly fiction...the characters are real, the stories twisted....lol....glad u like it, folks....thanks for all the encouragement...keep praying for me...

Friday, September 11, 2009

Boyfriend #2

" You are coming to Nigeria , and I had to find out on bb? seriously !!!!"

Shit, Shit.....I had totally forgotten I had him on bbm....I had not wanted to tell him I was coming to Nigeria, but I had put it up on my status the night before, forgetting he was a contact on there....

His name is....lets just call him #2......

He was the only other man I had ever loved.....truth be told, he still held a piece of my heart.....He was smart, fine, had a great respect for me, had a job, and was fun to hang with........I suspect he knew I had very strong feelings for him, but even he could never guess that I loved him....he would never know.....I secretly dreamt of the day he would confess his love to me and tell me he had secretly loved me all this while.....

We had met through mutual friends, on the phone....couldn't ever forget....it was a 3way with one of my best friends.....they had been having a conversation and my friend had wanted to ask me a question on sex and we start having this really heated conversation....it was way too much fun, I remembered thinking he had the sexiest voice ever....I cant remember who called who first afterwards, but for the next few months we talked everyday....one hr - 2hr conversations....He was a great listener and we had the most wonderful conversations....with him I didnt feel the need to be less smart than I was.....everything from sports...He is a Man U fan, I am an Arsenal fan...I love the Pistons, He loves the Spurs....to politics, sex, how to raise a family, movies, music, cars....we talked about everything...His voice made my heart beat irregular......I personally never thought I would have met someone else to take his place....I could not honestly say #1 had taken his place, even though I loved him with everything I had...

The first time I saw him, I had gone to visit him in his state....I remember thinking he looked so hot, but he was so short....I was impressed with the fact that he didnt try to show off, he wasnt giving me the whole 'I am hot and drive a mercedes vibe'....that night we had talked for hours, over a bottle of wine, cuddled on the couch....it was time to go to bed and I put on my hairnet and he laughed and took it off, he promised to get the hair rough anyways, so that was useless.....we never did do anything throughout that visit, I was a virgin you see...and he was a gentleman .........he touched me in ways only someone that was very experienced could have, he laughed at my horrible attempt at a 'bj', telling me I will get better....he told me I was the best kisser he ever had.....I still hold the record apparently.....

I have this theory that there is that one person, you can cheat with....self control is the only way that you can resist that.....he is my one person...he had come over to see me years later....I suspect in hindsight, he just had to have me, another one under his belt...I was happy to oblige, I thot it meant he liked me, he couldnt have come all this way to see me, if he didnt......this time we did have sex, it was great sex.........noone knew this, not even my bestfriend, how could I tell her that I had cheated on my then boyfriend even though we had been on another one of our many breaks? how could I tell her, that I hoped that at the end of the 3days he was here, he would tell me that he wanted a future with me....? how could I tell her, that instead at the end of the 3days here, he said he would always love his ex? the reason why I hadn't slept with him the first time around, 3 yrs later she was still around......he was never going to be mine.....it was upon realizing this that I stopped waiting for him and gave what was left of my heart to #1, avoiding him and not talking to him as much.....I had hoped to go to Naija and leave without having to see him, I really could not truthfully say what will happen if we did see.....he was my nemesis, and a part of me wanted him.....a win under my own belt, if you must.....I did not want to be torn between him and #1

"Yea, sorry I thought I mentioned it, I will be home for two weeks, I need to register for NYSC" I said.....
" No you didn't tell me, I would have remembered, I am looking forward to seeing you, its been too long"
"Yea it has been long, I hope we get time to see, 2weeks is short and I have to go to Abuja and Ibadan and Ondo"
"Well, you are going to have make some time, I havent seen you in a year and I badly want to kiss you"
"ode, you will be alright, I am sure you have been kissed a few times year"
"yes, but not by you, and I want to do other things to you as well, but I will show you and not waste time talking"
I am ashamed to say, that I was pleased with the way the conversation was going....I was glad he still wanted me.......I was glad, I still had that much, dare I say, Power over him

Until my phone started ringing.......it was #1 on the phone.....reality check....like a very cold shower on a pulsating body.......

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


If I knew then what I know now.......

I would listen more carefully to what my heart says.......I think they call it a woman's intuition
I would embrace life more and worry less......I do worry a lot
I would have really thought twice about coming to America....I probably would have still come
I would have loved you less and loved him more.....I should never have left him for you
I would never have let you be my first........I wish I could give that to him now
I would play more, and meet more people....maybe talk to more girls
I would be braver......talk to the guy at the bar I thought was so hot, maybe try karoke
I would love my body for what it is......I doubt that will ever happen, I constantly hate my body
I would pray and fast more......I might never have experienced such hard times in the U.S
I would not be so afraid to show my feelings.....high school might have been more fun that way
I would not procastinate as I do........its bitten my ass quite a lot recently
I would not worry so much about trying to work it out with you.........I will pray that it works out, but if not, understand that something better will come along
I would be less judgmental..........less cynical and try new things
I would never resort to beating my siblings.....rather I will learn to talk to them when they wrong me and tell them I really love them
I would be less trusting.......folks are evil.........
I would not take the good I see in people for granted......not all folks are evil
I would be more kind, gracious and grateful......less selfish and more hopeful
I would care less about what others thought about me....less insecure and more confident

If I knew then what I know now, I would have known then, that I will be just fine now.....imperfectly perfect, happy, blessed and appreciative....
If I knew then what I know now, I would have known then, that there was absolutely no need to worry......then or now......

P.s.......I think you all should do this for yourself, it kinda gave me some insight into who I was, it might do the same for you.....Have a splendid rest of the week people, and Happy birthday Ayo...


Sunday, September 6, 2009

For the Music Lovers

You must all know by now how much I love music, its an obsession really.....for a scientist (Epidemiologist to be exact, lol......I do love showing off with that, its the only reason why I got the degree in the first place, lol) I really do love the arts - writing, poetry, music, photograpy, cooking...

Nways for the past couple days, I have been od'ing(over-dosing), on music...I customized a station on slacker radio(slacker.com), appropriately named soulful.......everything from Montell Jordan to Nysnc, from SWV to Erykah Badu, from Joe to Omarion, from Aretha Franklin to Whitney Houston to Miss keri baby.... and there was a common theme from the songs, if they weren't in love, they were bitching about their relationship or apologizing......Now i'm a lover...I love love, I ache for true love....I want to love my man everyday for 60yrs ...so the songs either make me cry, long more for love *sigh*......nways I want to share some songs I think are pure geniuses, and I will explain each....

This one right here is called Worth It, my favourite song off Whitney Houston "I Look To You" album......I actually bought it, and i don't ever buy cd's....but I had to support the lady and it was worth it(no pun intended) lol....but do you hear the lyrics.....
"This is for the lovers, just getting on their feet..This is for the lovers about 20 years deep"
" It aint hard to tell, when its something real, when you can have the whole world, but all you want is them"
"When it's going wrong and you never give up, even when you are feeling down, they can make you smile, Thats when you know Love is worth it.....
This song cripples me with joy I tell you.....how do you feel about it?

This one right here is just ridiculosly funny by Miss Erykah Badu.....so she is telling her man to call his best friend "Tyrone" to come pick him up and this is why......" Now everytime I ask for you for a little cash, you say No and turn right around and ask me for some ass....I nearly died of laughther when I heard this......and then she ends it by saying "You need to call tyrone, hold on, but you can't use my phone".......Dead!!!!!!!.....ridiculous, very short song, sweet and effective, I love it

This is one too just got me rolling, wonder why I never really listened to the lyrics really well??..."Guess What" by Miss Syleena Johnson......this right here is the truth, for real.....She tells her man " you wanna wear the pants, you gotta be a man.......and us going to church always in your plans, but come sunday morning you play sick in bed.. see, I will love you till the day I die, but never love you enough to live a lie".......can I hear an Amen.....

Only naturally I had to end with a love song.....I love love this song, for someone who is a big advocate for love, I don't often tell it to the one I love, but I like to show it in the little things I do....and this song kinda explains that for me "Metaphor" by Joe....."Though I may not even notice when you wear a new dress, I always treat you with love and respect, see it doesn't take those things for me to be impressed, cause you are my boo"....doesn't it make you just go awwww...
"Everything I do, I do for you, Every breath I take, I breathe for two, Every word I say, my whole life through, it's just a metaphor, for I love you"........tears in my eyes I swear......Imagine fighting with your man and he says this, even for the most frozen of hearts there will be at least a crack....... :)

so there you go guys, give a little love.....spend time with the one you love......smile, be happy....God loves you, and take to listening music whenever you feel down and find the hope and the words to express how you feel.......have a splendid week......

Friday, September 4, 2009

After a While

When I can't sleep I do either two things......Read or listen to music, I did the music thing the previous night....have a terrible cough......and then last night I went to the books....I hate to read books I have previously read but there are some books that you never get tired of reading, this one I recommend you all read.....Chicken Soup for the Soul Series......the particular one I am reading is Chicken Soup for the Teenage soul and in it held the most beautiful poem I have ever read......I swear it read, like something I had written it in my head, except I never had the words to write so eloquently......it instantely inspired me to write something of similar nature, but it would have felt like plagiarism so I decided to share instead....ENJOY
After a While

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you are really strong,
And you really do have worth.

Veronica A. Shoffstall
written at age 19

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Reflections - His & Hers


At the airport, we say our goodbyes one more time with a kiss and a hug and I promise to call as soon as I land.......walking away, I had tears in my eyes, grateful that he didn't see that.....He hates tears......

Sitted by the old white woman, I give in to my emotion.....something I often don't do.....I was never going to forget the past 10days, no matter what came of our relationship....they say nothing is perfect, but it had been perfect....every moment of the day......love had turned out not to be a bad thing afterall, it didn't make you crazy or tear you into pieces as once previously thought....still maybe it was yet to come...........

She is concerned, and asks me why I cry, and I tell her that I am in love.......she has that knowing smile, she had once experienced the same, not all will ever experience love....."But you should be smiling, not crying she says", " I will miss him is all, I hadn't seen him in six months and I could only spend 10days, I have to go back to work"......."ah, I see!!!! let me tell you something about true love dear, it hardly waivers,......the distance only helps make the days together pure magic......but make sure to remember the magic on the days you guys fight, it will be the glue to all things"

Nodding, I smile and doze off, thinking about what she said.......We will never fight, yes we might argue, but we won't fight.....we understood each other, we respected and loved each other and even though sometimes he hates talking, we always have open conversations......I guess every relationship is different, she doesn' t know us, she doesn't know what she was talking about.........I was to remember this conversation months later

Waking up from sleep, I realised my dreams were no longer about the sex. it had become more conversational where we spoke our feelings to each other, planned the future and laughed a lot.....it was a good sign.....out of the airport and I turn on my phone.......bb msg "I love you baby"
He picks up the phone on the first ring, like he had been waiting for my call "I love you more, more than you'll ever know" I say......."Hi, to you too" , he says laughing.......


The taste of the smoke now felt foreign as he took his second drag, quickly inhaling.......It was the first thing he did after leaving the airport.....he still couldn't believe he hadn't smoked once while she was around.....it appeared he had replaced one craving for the other, smoking for her smile.....she had the most radiant smile he had ever seen, and she was always smiling......like the day the train stopped working and they had to take numerous buses to their destination, he had been so furious and she had just kept smiling all the way......he couldn't help but admire her......he was going to be doing a lot of smoking he thought, because he was going to miss her terribly, it had been really nice to wake up holding her..........his boys would call him a punk if they had any idea how he spent the last couple days, wrapped in a girls hand, going to the museum and One Mic show of poetry and music....

He picked up his phone to send her a bb msg, knowing it would make her smile, once she landed....I LOVE YOU..........it had taken him this long, but he did, remembering all the many times they had fought prior to her coming, the distance had really put a toll on them.......he knew before he started talking to her that it will be difficult but he hadn't expected it to be so bad, he was tough afterall.....but he had hated the days when he just wanted to chill and talk to her, but would rather go out with the boys, spending a lot of money on drinks, getting wasted then calling her at night.......he hated wanting to play scrabble with her and not being able to, facebook won't let those in the UK play with those in the US........he hated accusing her of cheating on him, on the days when he felt miserable and just wanted to touch her, he had hurt her those times and he really hoped he had made it up to her on this trip......

He was going to see her in two months, and he couldn't wait....they had planned to go Barbados, one of the few warm places still that time of the year, and he had plans for it to be the best time.....at least for her, she could swim but he couldn't , but he was going to enjoy watching her, smiling his phone vibrates, "hi to you too"......."ode, I tell you I love you and you are saying hi, I take it back, I don't even like you"....."awww sorry babe, I heard you now, you love me, that's good" laughing cos I know this infuriates her............and just then

HORN, HORN, HORN!!!!!!!!!! "move out the road, you fucker"

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Lessons Learned

Happy New Month guys......May the Lord see us through the rest of the year and Bless us all......

I apologize guys......The last couple days made up a week from hell pretty much.......I learnt a lot of things though...........alot I tell ya

I went out of town to go hook up with some buddies from high school, the one having come from Naija.....Guess what he doesn't show......Lesson #1......don't plan stuff with Nigerians...not to say that we are all alike, but I find that this is a common phenomenom, someone always bails out and ruins this party

Then my other boy is having problems with his boy, cops involved, loads of back and forth, threats made, some volatile business......I hate fights, I really do....and he is my friend so the whole thing just made me mad and irritated and angry......Lesson #2.......You don''t know your true friend until you guys have a fight, then their true nature comes out and your relationship is tested..........Lesson #3.....Uneducated boys are fools and all they can see is the present and having one up on you......the future of such boys are not so bright

Then saturday comes by....I thought my flight was at 3.50pm, rather it was 3.15pm, the exact time I got to the airport........Arsenal lost their game.....layover at chicago...don't get in till 8pm, then I head to ohio...to start packing cos guess what, I need to move out of my apartment by Mon......I start calling people to help and all kinds of excuses.......Lesson #4........my brother is the best in the world, I couldn't do anything without him and I am still in search of a man for me like him........Lesson #5.......I need to start making friends in town, or just get a boyfriend in town, I am so loyal to friends I have known since childhood except a few others and I find it extremely difficult to make new ones.......but think about it, if I only realise I need people when I want their help then it means I am not lacking friends/am I lonely..............Lesson #6.......I am extremly strong and have great organizational skills.....I still can't believe how I have put a one bedroom apartment into another furnished one bedroom, apartment and its not cluttered, I put a woman's touch on it and this place looks great ......

I also realized that I have way too many guy friends, more than I need.........I'm beginning to crave female companionship( I hope I don't regret those words) but I need someone to have marriage and baby talks, sex and period talks and too bash boys of course........too much boys and I find myself way too inependent and nonchalant, not a good look....

Sunday was the job interview.......it was really good, but won't know for another two weeks or so... and it doesn't start till Oct.......I hope I get it, it seems like it will be exciting work....and i'm already getting tired of being bored......Resuming my obession with weight loss tomorrow, don't judge me, I like the skinny me......I get more attention with the curves don't get me wrong....everything fits better, but I could do with a little less attention, the boys only want to"do you" and not have a relationship anyways.......

Speaking of which 9months and counting and no kiss, no touch, nothing........why everyone thinks this such a big deal is amazing really.....what do you guys think? is there something wrong with me? why am I not craving for any pysical touch or connection? hmmmm my psychology degree fails me right now, cos I can't interpret this......what will freud say? I am very loyal to HE I guess.....lol....

I will continue the story tomorrow.......please don't hate me......it will be good I promise....lol.....goodnight y'all