Thursday, September 24, 2009

Sometimes Goodbye is a second chance


I had to know…. I had to know if the love I felt was one sided….I didn't want to jeopardize my relationship with boyfriend #1 but I had to hear him say he never liked me, it was the only way I could let go….

Boyfriend #2 was still on my mind…I guess the way he had been talking over the next couple of days before I got to Nigeria, made me think he was really into me and probably had always been…..but I was wrong

I had noticed that he kept referring to some girl, on his bb and facebook, and I wasn't jealous because I never gave it much thought, I was happy with boyfriend #1, so what did I care? I even saw a picture on his profile page and is it ok to tell you that I am finer than her? Again, not jealous I am just stating a fact…. I find that amazing by the way, guys I mean from my father to my friends always leave/ cheat on their present wives/ girlfriends for uglier girls….but I digress….

I get to Nigeria and I am swamped like I knew I will be until 3days before I left when I finally got an evening to breathe and relax….coincidentally he calls me right after I had just come out from taking a relaxing shower….it was a hot day and muggy night in Lagos as usual, but fortunately there was light so I figured I will spend the evening at home with my siblings, shower, movie and some good ole girl gist….this was one of the reasons why I liked him, he always knew when to call, when I was tired, when I needed to hear an old warm caring and reassuring voice, like he did today, like he knew I was going to be free….

"Hey babe, really though do you think it's possible that you going to leave this country without seeing me?"

"Hey love, hi to you too"

"I asked you a question babe; answer me first before we continue the pleasantries"

"I have been busy now, you know this….I have spoken to you almost every day, I just got home and was thinking about relaxing with my siblings, I haven't really spent time with them this trip and thankfully there is light today"

"I know you have, sorry about that, but at least you about to go and leave behind all the Lagos stress, so when am I going to see you"

"O shoot, they just took light….shit, there goes my nice night….well I'm free now if you want to come over"

"I'm on my way actually, was going to surprise you, but I figured I should call just incase, I'll see you soon babe"

"Lol, ode….you really know me that well huh? Nways let me go dressed…see you"

Getting dressed, I thought carefully about what I was doing, I couldn't decide if I wanted to dress up provocatively because I wanted to tease him or because I wanted to 'do' him… I couldn't figure out if I wanted to know how he felt or just let him feel me…our chemistry was instant, we didn't need to build into anything, we saw each other and wanted to tear our clothes off always… it took us years to have sex out of pure dedication and perseverance on my part, waiting for him to be done with his ex before we did anything and I knew he had someone again this time, I just didn't know how serious it was…could I blame him? I lived several thousand miles away and we hadn't seen each other in a year, he was a successful, fine young man, it was a shame to waste away waiting for me…. I hadn't exactly been waiting for him either…

An hour later, he arrives at the door… my siblings haven't met him before were all over him, he had brought the little ones a tub of ice-cream….they liked him and that was always a plus in my books… I hoped they liked boyfriend #1 as much as they liked him…saying my goodbyes and promising to make up the night with them before we left… and as soon as we get into the car, he grabs me for a kiss…

"O my gosh, you smell so good…I had been wanting to do that since I saw you but not infront of your siblings"

"Thanks you smell and look good yourself"

"You look great babes; yankee is treating you well huh?

"I guess… we thank God, so where are we going?"

"Movie, dinner and my place, if that's ok?

I don't remember the movie, although dinner was really good… some nice restaurant I can't remember the name as well – they served a mean steak, it was really delicious…we never made it to his place

"I have to talk to you and I just want you to listen and in response be truthful – lately I have been thinking about you a lot and I find it rather disturbing because we never promised each other anything and you probably never knew that I had feelings for you…. But I do…actually more like I did…. I am seeing someone right now, and its serious and he really loves me, but first I have to know if you love me, or ever loved me…. I just need to know that I don't love you anymore"

"O wow, l love you, I'm sure you know that, but I'm not sure its anything special, you know that "in love" with you feeling… I care for you and I didn't come and want to see you just for sex, I have missed you… we have always been good with each other and you understand me… and to be honest I am seeing someone as well and you are going back in 3days…. So I don't think it's something to actually weigh…things might have been different if you were here all this while… and if you think you are in love this boy and you think he loves you, you should go for it"

Its why I would always cherish him… he was always honest with me, while he spoke he looked into my eyes and held my hands, I felt safe and didn't even feel like he hurt my feelings by not saying he loved me… he was the one who suggested he take me home…I spoke to him everyday till I left and he surprised me by coming to the airport to say bye….. This time he kissed me infront of my siblings….

On the plane, I cried, good tears….he was right, we made the right decision….boyfriend #1 wasn't perfect but we were perfectly right for each other….our love was not extraordinary and yet it couldn't be called ordinary… I couldn't wait to see him….sometimes goodbye is really a second chance, for tomorrow there was the opportunity for newfound pleasures with boyfriend #1, my heart was fully open, more than I thought possible, my last thought as I fell asleep…….

9 comments:

  1. i am not sure what to say
    so are you going to marry no. 2 cos no.1 says go for it
    are you in-love with no.2
    nice write-up, it touched me.

    b4 i forget, why did he kiss you in the airport, is that a way of saying wait for me. i will always love you but we can't be together.

    It makes me almost which i was a plant or something. sometimes feelings are great, other times, they are just plain painful, why can't you turn it off like a tap

    i am ranting!

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  2. it just keeps getting better, u r really good.

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  3. ahhh the temptation of possibilities..so are u torn between the two?

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  4. @tisha....no its marry no.1, cos no.2 said go for it...and yes i love no.2 but its no longer with the feeling that we will ever be together... i guess it was his way of saying he thinks he is making a mistake, but he is being the bigger person...lol, you cant be a plant, you are blessed way too much for that...thanks for ranting, i appreciate it always....thanks love....

    @turayo g.....thanks so much darling and thanks for leaving a comment...

    @unwritten....no, no longer torn, its what i had to find out....thanks love

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  5. neefemi...
    right now, i really do not know what to say
    too much wahala
    but you are smart and blessed
    so i guess you'll figure it out
    WOW!!!

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  6. @David...omygosh, just seeing this...so sorry....u all realize its fiction right...thanks love, i really appreciate it

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  7. i believe u r nt torn btw d 2
    infact m sure the kiss was jus d
    "good-bye forever" kinda kiss, cos
    m pretty sure he understands u in love
    wiv HE.
    Babes keep it rollin u good. enjoy.

    bighead.

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  8. thank u very much bighead - i really appreciate it

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