Friday, January 29, 2010

On My Mind

My dreams are jumbled up, so much I want to do…. So much I feel the need to do, so many restrictions…. 
All the responsibility in the world, the curse of the 1st born
Yet I love it all, I crave it all…. I secretly love knowing I'm needed…. I secretly love knowing I'm appreciated, I confess… though I play it off
I'm happy you are happy, this makes me happy…. I'm happy your dreams are coming through… I'm happy your needs are being met
Maybe someday my dreams will be met….. Maybe someday I will achieve all I want…. Maybe I can be superwoman
Maybe I can believe in my strength like you do…. Maybe, just maybe…. Maybe my story will have a fairy tale ending
Whatever that is?
……………………………………………………………………………………
Hi folks, how are you doing? That's just a pseudo – poem as I like to call it that just reflects all I have been going through in my head lately – I believe its self explanatory – my dream is that I live up to the expectation of others for me, and that I surpass them as well ….I wish I wouldn't be so hard on myself sometimes….I also wish I had all the resources I needed to achieve everything as well…..I think this is why I have been sad… In due time I guess…. I pray God help me


In other news – I have a couple things I want to touch on….Roc will say "Random Random Random" lol….

I hate that guys in naija are always talking about how all they have to do is show money and girls are ready to sleep with them.... this really bothers me, it's not like all the boys who are talking are fine or even remotely are rich so what's the deal? I'm not in naija, but I am a naija girl and so please tell me why this is so? And this is a general consensus it seems like ….funny enough a friend of the best friend had mentioned the day before how she wants to be a housewife…. I've always said if I met a man that mentioned that he wants one, I will tell him to be prepared to give me in DOLLARS, the amount of money I have spent in school fees and lessons and exams and school books and all related expenses since from when I was 2 – 23….to each their own, I'm not trying to argue here that you shouldn't be a housewife, what I hate is that you play that card to men and they have a story to tell… never thought this will still be a topic in the 21st century, but I'm beginning to think as long as humans exist we will have such discussions…. Now some will argue that I am just independent – I am confirmed – no two ways about it, but being independent has nothing to do with me wanting to pay bills….my man can pay all the bills he wants… I will save my money….save it in investments for my kids, and my grandkids and for the orphans I hope to raise as my own… needless to say this is my opinion, especially from experience and no having a shop is not a job…..

Ok so somebody told me "I know you love music, it fills you, challenges you, gives you an orgasm, inspires you and does what a man can't for you" – lol, I reckon this is an accurate assessment NO?

So I've known this guy for forever that always goes "o I can't do long distance, but I will marry you once you move" then proceeds to talk about how this one girl is the one for him even though she is …..Wait for it, wait for it? More than a thousand miles away….. Yes you guessed it right…. Ladies ladies ladies, let me just tell you this…never ever settle, cos a man won't settle and even though he is with you will keep looking for who he considers the perfect one for him…. The right man for you will move mountains to be with you, as much as he can…. Just be wise, females and males alike

Which brings up the topic, I have no jealous bone in my body….. A lot of you will argue this to death…. But I don't…. my best friend says that's my own defense mechanism, plus I always know that I have folks that I know love me so I'm never worried… I think she is right, what do you think? What I do possess sometimes is envy – envious of the perfect body, the perfect relationship, the perfect family, the better talent… but don't worry I always remember to slap myself when it happens sometimes

My biggest fear…. I won't get married …especially more and more as I see my friends settle in relationships and we draw apart…. Again I'm reminded I need new friends o, as my role is becoming less and less, thank God for twitter and blogsville…. lol

My one secret…. I wouldn't for the life of me be able to tell fake designer apparel or accessories from real ones…. Please don't laugh at me, but the truth is I don't know what designer anything looks like…. I've mentioned before I hate shopping for clothes and ok like shades, I've worn glasses for as long as I can remember, blind without them so can't wear shades much…. All the designer shoes are too expensive for me, so never owned one….o but I have a YSL wristwatch if that counts J

Hmmmm so boy talk… so I did tell you that the one guy here in the H, straight up goes he wants a friends with benefit kind of relationship gig…. Not that kind of girl, but he is good people, I reckoned I could keep him around to make out with (don't judge me, it's been a hot minute)…. So I told him u know I'm celibate and loving it, and he insists that we will do the "do"….. That is where he messed up…. You see I reckon that I might have in time been willing to (body no be firewood, plus he is accessible) but I don't take kindly to been told what I will or I won't do, especially about my own body and because I'm still behind in my ways and think I don't want to be another number in his black book… am I wrong? No other boys in sight…. Twitter crush doesn't seem to be feeling me anymoreL, but hmmm I have my sights on another person In a bit… I miss He some-days, totally understandable I reckon….and I hate guys that try to act too familiar and call me "iyawo" and "wifey" and shit… this week i've told two such boys that they need to stop that, cos I will never be( I know harsh right?)

Ok so to end this, this is a picture of me the next day to work, after being sad all day prior(picture goes down in 24hrs)…. I wore yellow twice that week and even pink (I hate pink) just so I could brighten my mood – and it worked, plus since everybody noticed and mentioned it, my spirits were lifted…. People you hold the key to your happiness, don't let depression take control ever… o and any recommendations to do something new and fun and cheap, I really need exciting in my life

P.S I LOVE YOU







20 comments:

  1. PCP!!! you go survive. no worry. lol. i think you need some or at least just go get it.

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  2. First..You look HOT!!!
    Second of all..you will get married..sooner dan u think

    Take care...

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  3. Chai! Neefemi toh baaaaaaaaaaaad!!! lol @ body no be firewood! i feel you on that one jare! thunder fire devil. lol

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  4. If u wont have any regrets abt shagging the guy.Then ride on.
    23 se???U def would marry someday.
    and eh having a shop is a REAL job. U just have to have one to know how it works...accounts,marketing and all dat.phew!

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  5. #sigh
    i am tripping for a hot girl ! :p

    But anyway, it's funny. American men are looking for woman to transform and buy car for, buy shoe, buy Jimmy "shoo" for but Nigerian men are complaining that women like money too much. Abeg fuck off.
    People need to understand that most women today are going to school abroad! They have their education and they can work for the money but you married her for a reason right. Plus to be honest, they don't really need your money, the ones that ask are just well it is scarcity mentality.
    But I can't marry a poor man and I cant marry a rich man. I want to marry a man that is slightly moneyful so that I know the means in which he made his money plus before i marry u, i have my own bank account in family's name so no man can give me money or ask for mine.

    plus one thing. why ask for your stupid money when i know my father has more than you and can give me what i want?

    some people sha.
    but some girls too, akaracha nonsense.


    gosh i am so angry
    :)
    byeee <3

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  6. thanks babe for the comment on my blog
    got your advice.
    how's work?
    yes i don't have a jealous bone in my body
    yes but stupidity gets on my nerves...

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  7. haha, I cosigned with almost everything on here.

    truth about naija guys and money, it's how they show affection even in naija songs you hear it all the time.

    I acknowledge I have a jealous bone in my body but I will be damned if I let a dude know, lol.

    I feel you on the marriage tip, I feel you on the never settle tip, I feel you on the designer tip. In short like I said I feel your post.

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  8. i tell my friends all the time that i dont have a jealous bone in my body..i cant just feel it..for some weird reason.
    i cant be a housewife oh at all, at all.so all this suffering in school will just be for fancy?i can work and save my money while you work and share yours..but me?im leaving the house every day and going to work.
    nigerian men that complain that nigerian girls like money don tire me..its really funny that all these girls that they r complaining about dont even need a dime from them sef.mscheww.

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  9. I concur with most of the points in this post, except you will not get married, of course you will. And yeah, having a shop/business is a full time career!

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  10. Okay now, so I reckon I'll come back and comment on the other random stuff but more to the point, what's that then? Kinky braids?

    You do know you'll make an abysmal poker player right? Wouldn't want you beside me in a Las Vegas casino.. It'll be too much hard work making you keep a straight face. :)

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  11. You will achieve all that you want to and more..a day at a time. :)& you would certainly get married..Have a good weekend!

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  12. Sigh, I missed the picture : (

    Just keep doing what you're doing. Why settle now, right?

    Keep up the awesome posts, I really love them :)

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  13. sweetheart
    **heart thumps for fear of being told off**
    most of the things you worry about, you already
    have...don't you see it?

    i guess i'll add you to my list of people to
    taste the koboko i ordered so your eyes will
    open small.

    *sigh*
    it's love though. but you knew that already,
    right?

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  14. Lol. Its quite amazing that some will settle for being a housewife after so much energy and money into education. Anyhow..housewife is a total no no for me. And marriage..you will get married if that's what you want. Don't let that be your fear...else it'll hunt and you and you might make stupid decisions because of the paranoia..like dating a guy you know doesn't meet your standards and stuff...:-). You shouldn't be sad. You'd achieve your dreams. The ones that worry endlessly always achieve their dreams. :P

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  15. lol: body no be firewood. I feel you but you shall get married.

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  16. @Oye...lmao, ode girl...maybe i will *winks*

    @Harry...thanks dear and Amen... be good dear

    @Sugarking....awwww thanks dear, lol abi o

    @Kabi-Osi....maybe i will, Amen mami and lol, ok i wont say that again

    @Moyo....thanks babe -lol @ moneyful...sorry didn't mean to get you all riled up dear

    @Tisha...anytime babes, work is ok-not bad @ all..omy gosh same here, stupidity is just a no-no

    @Taynement....glad we agree mami, and i like that abt the jealousy, my best friend is the same way - i hate it when people get jealous and do stupid things that just kills me

    @Leggy....abi o,its just too funny..glad you agree

    @Roc - yes it is dear and lol, i know...cos especially when i'm happy it cannot not show on my face....

    @Rose...Amen and Amen..have a great week dear, thanks

    @Nogobelieve - awww sorry dear, but you know me well, lol...and exactly no need to settle...thank you so much Juwon for everything

    @David...lol, im not that mean...thanks sweety will open my eyes up more...and i know

    @Anon...i know right, Amen and will def do..again Amen and Amen, appreciate it

    @The Girl with the Red Hair...lol, i'm just saying....Amen

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  17. Love the poem...I def can relate...

    And ur so right about not settling! Dang that's crazy how he told u that he didnt do long distance yet he's with some other girl miles away...smh...guys sha

    And about the "friend with benefits" issue..u def can do better...good luck sha and trust u WILL get married :-)

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  18. Very interesting post, I feel you on a lot of what you posted. I don't know how to tell designer either, I'm with you on never settling and how a man will move mountains, in terms of the men showing money...sometimes I blame it on some Naija chicks in Naija, it is what it is.

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  19. lovely post...and i totally agree ..never settle.
    and nigerian men ...their perception about nigerian women is always one-sided...

    and it is well..no need to be depressed...shake it off girl!

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  20. @Blessings your way....thanks dear, Amen and i sure can do better

    @Original Mgbeke....glad you like it and i have to agree with yo

    @Eve....glad you like it girl and yes i did...

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