Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What do we really want? - Semi Righteous Post Alert

So I read a blog that had mentioned this article
You all should probably go read it and then come back......u back? Ok...

So I put it up on twitter & everybody reads all we girls just start going ga ga..."omygosh where is he?" "I want a man like that" & all that.....found out he lives in cali btw...ideaasss tooohhh baaaaddd, lol....ok I digress again 

But it got me thinking after all the dust settled about a couple things
1. He sounds like a player & someone who is not ready to settle down...which is all good, if you are still on that tip
2. could you ever really trust someone like that?....I’m mad trusting like I don't know how to not trust until you disappoint me...but right off  the bat, I can tell you I cannot trust a man like that
3. At the end of the day he has only told you about the sex part of him....can he have a conversation? About sports, music, politics, things that interest me?... he sounds charming enough to drop my pants for, but after that what else? What do we got?

My mum said I’m in love the other day because for the 1st time I told her I’m not getting any younger & she thinks BB has something to do with it....I am NOT in love, yet....but I meant it when I said I’m not getting any younger...not like I've had much sex to speak of, but after my first go go ga about boys who try to be all about what they can do to me sexually & there A LOT of them....I find that we have nothing to talk about, I find that they hold no promise of a future for me....Though I’m not ready for marriage right this minute, I’m just not the casual kind & I really don't think that a lot of females are that way... its just not in our genes....I could do it...but that’s with me making sure that I have detached my veejayjay(vagina, pussy) from my heart & if that’s the case WHEN it ends, i better be damn well able to deal with it & I’m not crying & all that jazz....

So you ask "what do you have to say to a young person reading this?".....I say you are better off single, till you are ready for commitment but it will sound like I’m preaching...I say that only because you need to define yourself as a person to see who you are, what you are made off, what strength you possess.... you will find relationships a whole lot easier, its what I will tell my sister if she asks me....I will tell her to be careful and get to know him very that if you give yourself to him, it will not be something you regret (though I pray they both don't have sex till they marry)

Don't get me wrong either, I’m not preaching stay a virgin...that’s your cup of tea...I’m not one...I made a decision...swear down, I wrote down the pros & the cons, decided that I could live with the decision, went to the clinic got tested and did a pap smear, got condoms, lubricants & got on the pill....I’m a decision maker, I do absolutely nothing based on emotions #sueme ... I have recently decided that i don't want to sleep with the man I marry before marriage (watch me jump BB, when we meet)...decisions change too.... I will just hate for you to feel some kind of peer pressure to have sex, or for the guy to say the relationship won't work otherwise (tell him Neefemi said go JUMP & drown)... lets be honest there is always the double standard, so if u going to have sex, enjoy but try to keep the numbers low & do it with a guy that respects you, so that your business is never out there....let me tell you, if I used my mouth to tell you I slept with 20guys, you still wouldn't believe me & the guys couldn't convince u either... plus avoid doing guys in the same circle, girls forget that yes you are young & you can do all you want, you are sexually liberated & all, but its this same guys you are going to grow up with, the same ones who will be on the market, when its time to settle down and get married...all I’m saying is BE WISE!!!!

I can't tell you what all females want....but I can tell you what Neefemi wants

Conversation - about many different topics, teach me let me learn from you, & I will do the same....lets have discussions, lets agree to disagree, lets be passionate about our opinions without stepping on each others toes & then kiss afterwards :)

Laughter - I don't know if you have noticed, but I love to smile & laugh, not only you should you be a source of joy to me, you should know the things that bring joy to me, the minute & the grand things...its your job to know that

Passion - you have to have a certain lust for life....for what you do, what you want to do, ambition turns me have to have a certain lust for me & what we have as well

Support - realize that I am a very independent chic, on my free will I choose to be with you & though I tend to be so calm in my relationship, know that I will still go after my dreams with ruthless abandon.... it will be great to have your support & your motivation to go with, the same way I will give you cannot be controlling, it will never work.....& I will promise to seek your opinion even though sometimes i might not heed to said opinion

And lastly but not least....

Honesty and trust = communication..... I mean I don't know what else to say you have to trust me, full stop. Trust in me. You have to be honest with me, even when things might hurt let me know, unless you are sure that this information will never get to me and the likelihood of that happening is zero to none, so trust me....all of this is mute if we don't have the best of communication...we talk to each other all the time....we will do it while we date & we will do it when we are married

So my question for you is what do you want? I’m talking to the single folks now....married folks already found that out (I hope)....make a point to define it, if you are younger it will change as you grow older and that’s ok and if you are older then you should completely honest with yourself & so ladies if for example you need your man to be wealthy, that’s fine too....fellas if you need your woman to cook that’s totally fine....just don't think you are capable of changing the person, you are not God. 

Nways wasn't planning on writing anything anytime soon...but here we are :( ....see why my dad thinks I should be Oprah? i chat too much :(

Only Music Mondays from now on, no more deep thinking sturvs

blogs to check out:

P.S worrying again, trying to remind myself that everything will be ok, i have no control over it and God has already ordained it and come September i will be in Connecticut....pray with me



  1. so many fings i wish 4 bt i pray to GOD to gve me wot i need. SO CAN I CLAIM FIRSSSTTTTT. YEAHHH

  2. I hope you find the right guy that accepts and loves you for who you are.

    Thanks for listing my blog.

  3. you got me in one. Your values are similar to mine.

  4. i went to the site. too many nude pix. i exited whatever, i'll take your word on it.

  5. Someone I trust and trusts me back.
    Someone that makes me feel comfortable enough to be myself.
    Someone that accepts me for who I am - good and bad.

  6. I wish you will not over analyze stuff and just enjoy yourself...
    It's really not hard. You know this...

  7. This post is very honest and real. You made a lot of sense. Like a LOT. I can't think of a list of what I want but I know that I want him to understand what I "need" (not want) and give it to me.

  8. I ought to write the guy perspective on this sometime. So much talk about what women want (which is fine yeah),but the few women that know what men want are beneath the sheets with the mis-informed woman's husband in a red-lit hotel room, friday night in lekki phase1. #imjust saying.

    On a more polite note,
    1.U truly truly ought to be anchoring a talk show: NEEFEMI CAN TALK!

    2.Aww come-on a few such "deep thinking sturvs" blogs don't hurt!

    3. On the ending p.s, u know i'm totally with u. Matter of fact,i'm saying a wee prayer right now; do same for me.

  9. Hi Neefemi - how are you? I'm wondering, is it possible to contact you via email? I'd like to ask you to do a piece on my film, only if you are interested? Let me know. Thanks - looking forward to hearing from you, Shola Ajayi

  10. Shoulda tagged u..but consider u tagged.

  11. Hmmm, pretty amazing you have all you want in a man figured out; I keep changing mine given the mood and prevailing circumstance.I'm told I'm still not ready.Well, I don't yet know.
    This is saying I admire your confidence and you're having a mind of your own.Cheers!

  12. @irukerudo - shola here you go & def i'm honored :)

    i will still post responses guys, promise :)

  13. i think every dude should read that link..its very for what i want...still discovering! :)

  14. Very detailed post the dude put up. I hve to say tho' I dnt think he was writing for ppl who are tryn to find committed rships, jst tips for a guy to better pls his partner.

    Dat being said,I dnt hve a laundry list of what I want in a man. But there are certain things are jst basic for me. Like core values, religious beliefs, and goals. After that, I want to be able hve conversatns from important to the silliest things like my nail polish color...and the other things on ur list too :)

  15. i love your perspective
    and i truly believe sex isnt all
    other things are important too
    finding the right guy for you is a really big deal
    the fit has to be right
    love the insight in this post

  16. Yeah soooo.. um.. Quite frankly I could care less if this guy speaks a single word of any sort of comprehensible language known to man with this set of skills, LOL.. The point of his blog post obviously wasn't to have any long drawn out discussion regarding his abilities to carry on a good conversation. I am quite pleased to see a man have a REAL breakdown of what he perceives is wrong with many O' boys today and how he sees fit to remedy the situation, in his own special little ways.. Hmmm Mmmm. I would have to assume he is actually very well versed in that whole "conversation" bit and base this off of his use of word selection, wit and humor mingled with factly statements cleverly injected into his postings.
    It is impossible to get a complete full spectrum of this man based on this single blog posting alone, HOWEVER by reading through many of his other postings you see a character development emerge, he comes through as cultured, hip on current affairs, technologically concerned and even has an eye for finer things. The Blog, a sum of the man behind it... very telling.
    It does appear however, through his mentioning of "girlfriends going actively psycho" over him, to me, would indicate he has alot more going on than the whole HELLA GOOD Sex action.. I mean seriously, think about it. What sort of things coupled with mind blowing toe popping sex would make YOU go "actively Psycho" over a guy? My point EXACTLY, I don't know about you but it DOES take a very special kind of man to twist my brainwaves into altered-perception... the incredible Sex is just a plus... a VERY NICE PLUS INDEED.
    He could be the Dream guy we all hope to find one day... but for now, if anything, it's fair to say he certainly knows how to show a girl a good time. ;)

  17. I agree with this post. Like ive seen a lot of folk get into trouble by thinking only with the nether regions. Furthermore all this liberated talk especially for females is gonna turn round and bite in the behind. At the end of the day while we may not agree or may even be disgusted by the double standards...a girl who sleeps with loads of guys still has a label. An example i heard when growing up put the fear of God in me. Imagine a bride looking around on her wedding day and finding that she has had 'relations' with half of the room. Never a good look. As for Mr.Jay kudos for him understandin women n all but ur right i wouldnt trust him with my heart...and i would be scared for my life with all the 'psycho' ex gfs lurking about lol x

  18. The guys post is an eery man's must read.
    Love your perspective and get the point.

  19. It's easy to list all the things you want in a man, but as human beings are hearts aren't always in tune with our minds. How many women here can say they've never fallen for a guy who had none of the qualities they were looking for in a partner? I know I can't. My take on this whole Mr. Right thing? Ditch the list. You'll know him when you see him...just like you know the difference between pornography and art when you see it, yet both consist of nude pictures.

  20. I actually rolled my eyes a couple of times at his article...

    Aniwoos, I likey this post. What do we want indeed...quite the interesting question. For me, some of my wants are clearly defined and for others, apparently not 'cos I might get it and be like 'no way'...till someone prods me and reminds me like 'I thought you wanted that'. lol

  21. every girl must be able to define what she really wants out of a relationship, there is not such thing as 'what do women want', we all want different things


  23. You chat too much but you make sense.
    I mean, there are some things I read and I just read the last line and leave a comment but I read yours oh. My personal Oprah - cos i don't watch the real Oprah *side eye* lol :p

    Hmm... I like what you want. I mean, I don't know what man would cross your path and not think of the rest of his life with you. Seriously, i really don't know.
    At my age tho, let me just say I would love what you want but I have to reach your age to understand better.
    Still, I hope you find what you're looking for in the person you like. I really hope he's right for you..cause you are amazing.
    Gosh, I'm in love with you!
    Haha, okay, I'm done, bye

  24. @Fragilelooks - lol, yes you can and i hear you, thats a good prayer

    @lami - Amen and you welcome, i like your blog :)

    @Tisha - lol, thats we get each other :)

    @TayneMent - me and you both ma, thats not asking for too much is it?

    @Oye - lol, you missed the point bestie

    @LadyX - thank you ma & thats true, that is very essential as well, thats it in a nutshell except he is not God, so that will not always happen unfortunately

    @T.Notes - lol, you should would love to hear what a man wants & u r so silly cos it means that all a man wants is sex,, will get back to you on the show and i'm praying for you o, it is well with you dear

    @Myne - awwwww, you mad me cry, thank you so much

    @2cute4u - well not all the way, but yea somethings i'm sure of & i'm sure it will come to you, there's no rush with these things - thank you so much ma

    @fiyin - lol, agreed and thats totally ok dear

    @MissEnigma - true, i was just using that particular post to start the conversation really - and i love your "non-list" as well, they are all very essential

    @BBB - thank you very much ma, i agree with you

    @Anonymous - LMAO, thats exactly what i said when i first seen it. And i wasn't saying that was the point of his post, was just showing an idea of some guys mentality still and i dont know about cultured but i do follow his blog and yea, he has a mind of his own & he is not many different things a lot of it material if you ask me, so yes i agree with you on the fact that you will have a hell of a great time, the kind to settle down with, i'm not so sure - thanks for stopping by tho, i wish i knew who this was :)

    @glamtings - ummm that will put the fear of God in anybody, jeezuxx!!!! thats a bad look, like God forbid, such a scary thot. and lol, thats what i say, before some girl will come and cut my face for a boy, hehehe its not that serious o

    @TGWTRH - Agreed and thank you ma

    @Anonymous - hmmm i don't agree with you there, i think you have to learn to align your mind with your heart and i agree with you that we have all fallen for guys who are not worth our time really but i say its that experience that has made me aware of what i want now, what i wont tolerate and what i will compromise say you'll know him when you see him, this is TRUE, but thats cos you have determined what you want. Imagine going out to shop for shoes, you see one you like, but its not your size, you have to try some before you find the kind that fits you, looks good on you and the next time you shopping for shoes, you know it when you see it...u get me? i hope i didn't lose you? There are clearly some things portrayed in porn that is not in a nude pic, without that understanding they both look the same at first no?

    @Original Mgebeke - lol, i feel you, like i said decisions change sometimes and thats fine, how r u ma? been a min

    @Femme Lounge - i agree & that was relly my question, i guess i worded it wrongly

    @Anonymous - I think this is you daddy & its ok to share my mail, there is nothing there but conversations with friend

    @David - thanks hon

    @Moyo - lol, thanks ma, i appreciate it, you are too kind...and yes you do still have some growing to do hehehehhe. Amen darling, thank you so much

  25. Of course, this' a 5-mic piece by all standards. but what just pushes me of the fence to totally love it is the thick dense of honesty. the language is so conversative...don't take it 4 granted Neefmi, this writing style is so unique it fits in the 'endangered species' category. u got an ovation right here!

  26. Thank you so very much Goldinwords, i really appreciate you taking the time to comment on this, thanks again


J'apprécie réactions, surtout quand ils sont constructifs. Pas d'insultes s'il vous plaît.