I'm bizzzzaaaaccckkkk, wicky wicky what? Ok that was just so lame. Lol.
Hi guys, I'm back, not going anywhere anytime soon (I hope). You see I have come to a couple realizations, this past couple weeks and please allow me to share them with you.
I realize that in some ways, I am stronger than I thought I was and in some ways weaker and I am learning to accept that. I realize that I can only do so much; at the end of the day if it's not in God's will my effort will be ultimately futile. You see he has a bigger picture, and sometimes he will make your plans seem ok, and even allow those doors open up for you and bring you perceived success and just then he will let his plans for you start to take effect, but because you see it wasn't part of your plans, it seems like everything is crumbling at your feet and that is not the case. In retrospect and I don't exactly know when that will be for me, my testimony will be more than I could ever dream of. I realize that I am still a baby Christian and I need to grow spiritually, I have only been doing the bare minimum and my God deserves my maximum best. I realize that I'm very stubborn and independent but I'll be damned if I let anyone make me believe that this is a flaw. To be honest I am tired of people telling me "I will tell you I said so in the future" or "I was the same way when I was your age and things will change". Yes I am very set in my ways and maybe I should loosen up, but if it's not who I am, please allow me be, I am ok with being a "prude", if you ask me I'm never going to change, but if I'm perfectly ok with that, shouldn't you be too. I also realized that I'm ok doing the most for those I love, I am ok going above and beyond, it doesn't make me stupid, it makes you stupid if you try to take advantage of that and not cherish it, cos if there is anything you should know about me I am quick to remove my emotions out of the equation. "How I feel is only going to change if you let it?" – Brandy. But I can't lie, loving is taxing, whew!! like seriously, I think loving someone can kill, and I'm not talking only about a S/O, I'm talking friends and family, that is if you are anything like me sha. I swear this is why I don't have a lot of friends, because I invest way too much in my friend's the same as my family. I realize that I am afraid to say "I love you, or I'm in love with you" to him. I have a theory I won't be saying it till the day I get married. Thing is I can't figure out why I can't say the words. I feel it/ think it and I damn well show it so why can't I say it. Clearly I have issues. Lol.
I also realize that I have so much to be grateful for. Oyinbo (the lil sis) is here, I'm so grateful for that, but it does increase my stress levels. Which by the way reminds me, I'm not sure how some people can even be fat, considering their stress levels, (This is a very ignorant statement btw, allow me). I have lost so much weight over the past couple weeks it's ridiculous, if BB were here he will force feed me. Can I still complain and say my arms look big, how do I reduce those? The thing with Oyinbo being here though is that it leaves only Bold & Beautiful in 9ja and I feel sick to my tummy at the realization, but we had a plan you know, to practice Law in Nigeria she had to study in Naij or Jand, but she got in Naij without no stress and there is no fam in Jand, so we made the best decision, but it doesn't change how guilty I feel and how mad I am at myself for not working and having money so I can take care of all her needs and more. Yes I am one of those I have to take care of the whole world kind folks. I realize that although I am not working presently, I have one year of experience under my belt, that is more than half of the people have in my graduating class. I don't say that to boast, at least if I am it's of Gods greatness. This past year I have lived rent free, all housing needs (food, water, electricity, laundry) everything free (p.s you all cannot possibly have the kind of best friend/partner I have, not sure how I would have survived without her, thank you so much Oye). I made new friends, met my in-laws to be (inside joke) actually I owe my meeting BB to being in Houston, got a chance to meet the best nephew ever and the rest of my lovely family over here. As I speak it looks like my brother just got a job, a good one too (so proud of him), he can like to start taking care of meJ. Nways my point in this whole story, I am back, I am happy, I am grateful, I am expectant, I am loved and I am in love, I am strong, I am weak, I am independent, I am a survivor, I will be successful, I will persevere, I will make it, I am a child of God, I am a winner.
Ok enough with the jargon, in other random news, I love long distance, I suspect my marriage will be a long distance one at least for a while, but do you know what I miss the most lip action; I really miss kissing, the most. It's really the most intimate experience if u ask me. I really look forward to kissing my man every morning (after we have both brushed lol) and every night. Today I am going to go buy eat, pray, love, my first book this year, I haven't read a book cover to cover in 8months (don't ask). I would have loved to try my hands at some new things, dance lessons, yoga, art classes, pottery classes, cooking classes, camping but those things require money and can't seem to find any free ones in Houston, maybe when I move, this is why I was really excited about moving to Connecticut so I could go to NY every weekend and find these things to do. (I will someday explain what happened btw, hopefully it will be in the course giving my testimony). I should really take learning Spanish more seriously, please tell me to focus folks; it would be awesome for my resume, plus I should find free public health courses online. Nways lets do some music, there is so much to talk about though, I really need to talk about that joke of a report the National Bureau of Statistics put out in Naija, my take on Wycelf running for presidency, my ideas on what we can do for Naija, and the fact that American football season is around the corner and that soccer is back, juvenile twitter wars, gbagaunmopol and anti gbagaunmopol and the state of the Nigerian music industry and how Nigerians treat their artists, Just some of the things on my mind. I will get to them all in due time.
Team Chris Breezy All day - loved what he did with this
Marsha Ambrosious - I hope she cheats on you - She is one half of the group Floetry. Funny enough i never really listened to the lyrics cos i heard this song months back.. when she goes "i hope that she kim kardashianed her way up" #DEAD
Calvin Richardson - You are so amazing - they dont make r n b music like this anymore, love it
Usher ft Sean Garrett - Mayday - this is a freaking jam, Timbaland is still one of the best producers out there
Usher ft Jay Z - Hot tottie/toddy - Usher is on fire though
Donnell Jones - Love like this - awwwwww Mr Jones still got it, i love it
P.S I love you, thanks for all the prayers