Sunday, November 28, 2010

A New Month

As December approaches, my expectations are higher, my dreams are bigger, my hope is risen again and i'm excited and i'm SCARED. But today i read in "Open Heavens"

....Another indicator of the arrival of your time of divine favor is that God overlooks your shortcomings. Doubt, fear and unbelief - three major terminators of destiny will suddenly be set aside when your time to receive God’s favor has come. 

I hope this is true because God Knows i gave up, and i have doubted and like i said right now i'm scared. I laughed like Sarah did when i got good news, laughing that God won't complete that which he started. I don't know whats worse you know, not having any hope or having your hopes raised and then crushed. So i pray that the above is true and this is my time and that in 9days from now i will come back here to share my testimony.


I Love sports.... i mean its a madness as my friend Ayo would say, and i have the crazy feeling that if i were a guy i wouldn't like me, well on Saturdays, Sundays, Thursdays and, all of this madness will inevitably stop i reckon. I thought the other day that i'm not ready to marry cos i don't want any man to cook for him or a child to change diapers for on Saturday when all i want to do is watch sports all day and not shower or anything.

I love my friends really. I especially love the friends who i don't have to talk to everyday who just get me. Big shoutout to Maestro, he doesn't read this nways but he will never understand how much his love and friendship for me gives me joy.

I find that i always have to explain myself, my thoughts, motives and words to people. It gives me a headache,  i wish people would just learn to accept me for who i am. You see why i don't have friends. Friendship is more than just understanding you know, its more about acceptance.

I hate thank you's, omgosh it grates on my nerves. What other word can one use to show appreciation? I feel it lacks in sincerity, unfortunately i still have to use it.

Social media is allowing people to not have sense. The things that should be kept private are blasted on twitter and facebook, showing a side of you or giving people info they should not necessarily see/have.

I delete my original tweets. Don't ask me why. Plus they have to be at an even number. I hate odd numbers. I will never in my power do anything significant on an odd numbered day.

Haven't continued my stories. Funny because i have about 4 posts, written for weplug and angonemi and glamtings this week but i can't find my stories in my head to write.

Whats the big deal about kneeling down for your husband? How will this reduce your self worth or value or make you any less of a woman? I think women forget the powers they possess sha. Nigerians are funny, the things that you shouldn't fight about is what you will fight about. Meanwhile you will allow him cheat as long as he is taking care of you and the kids. Or are you going to divorce him immediately he does something bad?

I saw this picture of a woman in her beautiful wedding dress, her mode of transportation? Keke Maruwa, you know that three legged thing in Nigeria? And i don't know what to say to that, cos that dress looked mighty expensive too and i'm just thinking why can't you rent a car for the day? This thing for a big wedding day in Nigeria is just mad. I want a honeymoon, for like a month in an exotic location, can i use the money for that and not a large ceremony?

Excerpt from something i wrote out of boredom:

What I do not like, are girls like me that is “best friends” insulting “wifey”. You see them say things like “why so insecure? “Or “please stop hating on your man's female friends just because they are pretty”. I almost instantly want to say to that last sentence “if you are so pretty, why ain’t he dating you?” But that’s just me being mean. I do not profess to have a solution to this phenomenon, I reckon as long as there are humans on earth these things will occur, I’m just sharing my own perspective.
I think and this is my own personal opinion, I think the issue is people forgetting to play their positions. Let me explain.
It’s wifey forgetting that her man had friends before she came into the picture and she will never be the only female in his life or the most important person in his life really, though she might like to think so.
Its female best friend forgetting that yes though he tells you everything, even things that he wouldn’t tell wifey you are still just friends.
 It’s mother in law not wanting to let go of her son, who she still sees as a child.
Its male best friend not realizing that his friend can’t spend 24hours with him like he could and can’t be his wing man taking home or talking to the friend of the girl he wants to be with.
Maybe i will put up the full post later, its kinda long.

Anyways, just thought to check in guys. I hope all is well with you, i miss you and i'm grateful for you all in my life. Have a great week ahead guys. Shoutout to the new followers, danka. Muaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh


Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Other side of me

This past week, i became a completely changed woman.....
Everything's changed, my whole perspective is changed...
I wish i could say i was surprised but i'm not....
I'm adjusting well as i do all things, rationalized it all as i do everything....
I know i'm better for this insight and for this change...
I'm amazed at my own strength though that much i can tell you....
When i'm absolutely sure i'm about to be ripped apart one way or the other...
I find some kind of inner calm, i become instantly cold and i make my decision and i move on....
Its shocked those around me lately, the heartless part of me appeared....
I'm not sure everybody is comfortable with it, they will deal i expect.....

Speaking of sides, i promise to have a new side of me when school starts
Praying that i'm accepted and this time everything works out
The side that has actual friendships that ain't virtual or long distance
Maybe not party cos well partying isn't my thing
But days like tonight when i desperately want to go out i need actual buddies
So i'm going to change, and garner all the friends i should have in the past 6 yrs
I wish i could say that it will happen asap, but really where do u meet people?
Can't keep holding on to past friendships and new friends are all far.
I wonder if i have always subconsciously picked meaningful friends cos they are far away.

End of the year and i wonder if anything has gone according to plan
Its really true when they say "Man Proposes and God disposes"
Can't even remember what my resolutions were, but i'm sure i would if they worked out
So the question is what is the plan? really what is the plan for my life? cos i'm lost

Started writing, there are three different stories and i'm working on them all simultaneously
So i'll be away from here for a bit. I will miss you.
Gonna spend the next two weeks while i'm anxiously waiting for acceptance letters to focus
So whatever comes first, either my finishing any of the book or hopefully my good news
I will come and share with you. So wish me luck and put me in your prayers
Good luck to everybody and please take care of yourselves.
Loads of love and kisses


Monday, November 8, 2010


Hello Ladies and Gents, whatitdooooooooooo? Hope you all had a great weekend? If you live in the states, how many of you partied the extra hour away?

I'm really not sure if my not going clubbing is a new sort of spiritual commitment (my pastor's wife said she never went clubbing) or i just have not being totally inspired to go out. I reckon i will as soon as i can get primped like i want to. I can't remember when last i've been out, its at least 3months.

Nways i'm watching StepMom and i realize that they have got it extremely hard. Now i will tell you off the bat i can't stand mine, she is a conniving, ok shutting up now. But really is there ever any good story of one? i heaven't heard of it. And can i just add, that except the mother is dead, there is no reason a single woman is looking for anything in a man with kids, in my case 4 kids, house. Why do they have to be so mean, like shouldn't your sole responsibility be that you love the children first? But nways as you can tell i'm highly prejudiced on this issue. What say you?

"For two people to really love each other, to really commit to each other, it has to be an act of will, a decision. And i think two people have to live that decision everyday, even when things are hard and they feel like giving up. You have to hang on to that decision, that choice to love each other, even if its only by a thread." ~ Luke Harrison (Step-mom)...Best marriage proposal i have ever heard, infact i am ok with my man using this exact same words on me. 

"Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability" ~ John Wooden.... Maybe this explains why i feel the way i do

Current state of mind: Detached and Withdrawn.... sorry in advance to my friends.

I hope the tears i cried today will be the last of it and i hope my renewed faith is permanent.

Yesterday it occurred to me "Where is this going"? Very potent question, no simple/easy answers.

Decided to start walking up and down the stairs daily as my exercise. Remember when i was a fiend for exercising?

Did you know: Mr Sheffield in the show The Nanny is a Baron? How cool? Things i learn from my brother.

I hate reality shows vehemently. 

I'm jealous of funny people like BB and my brother. The other day my brother and i were watching something and i can't remember what it was but he said "need a moment, chew it over with twix" i died of laughter, like seriously died. Now if you have never seen the advert you might not get but the ability to use that line appropriately in a setting is something i will describe as genius. Laughter is the quickest way to my soul. I'm so not funny.

I hate when people try to tell you, you don't have problems and that there are bigger problems in the world. Really!!!!! like i didn't know that? Two, that shit don't change the fact that right now i feel like i'm going through hell.

I don't know how people find things on the internet. Like seriously i come on here for specific things, but people just browsing i don't get it. As in BB finds everything on the internet and the man barely gets enough sleep. If its not on yahoo or CNN's Page, i sure as heck don't know about it.

I love that i can completely be off twitter and not itch. I didn't think i could. But same way i left facebook, i find that i don't need social networks. Now knowing that i don't have real life friends, and most of my friends are virtual this is kinda troubling (well for BB) nways. But do i really need to share my every thought (i talk about my boobs all the time on there) and lyrics? I'll keep it for a while tho, its a great source of news, for me sha.

I'm very mean, i just don't show it. I like it when people think they are smarter than you and try to play silly games. I'm very good at it, i just don't believe in it. O p.s. u messed with the wrong girl. Hehehehehehehe

Comedy - Courtesy BB

Some songs i think can be about God or a significant other.....
not exactly of course, what say you?

Have a great week ahead

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Praise Thursday

Hi guys, how you doing? Hope all is well with you? Finally ate for the first time in days, think i'm getting better Thank God.

Speaking of Thank God, Today i"m thankful for Esther, i cannot repay you and i pray God repays you a thousand times over. I'm thankful for Miss Pearl, i also cannot repay you, may God fill your life in bountiful immeasurable ways now and forevermore. I'm thankful for friends that i made and i kept, who are so ever reliable (Oye and Angonemi) God bless you. I'm thankful for new seasons, so happy for you Ayo, nothing will cut short your joy in Jesus Name. Thankful for my siblings, really glad that i'm not here alone, they are clowns and they keep me going. Thankful for BB, because trust me you guys see the good part, and he gets the mess that i am. Thankful for you all, it goes without saying that you are all a part of my life in one way or the other and i wouldn't have it any other way( i promise to reply to the comments on the last two posts). I'm thankful that i am alive and even tho i may not always be happy, i am filled with joy (two different things i promise you).

So BB told me to watch this and i thought to share, its too funny.

Mighty to save - Hillsong

Don Moen - Our Father... Meditate on this song, it says a lot

That's all i got. I'm going back to bed, its all i can seem to do :-)


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Not so perfect man

I told you i'll be back but didn't think it will be so soon. I appreciate you guys for not getting tired of me yet :)

So yesterday i'm watching Frasier and Daphne asked Niles "How will i ever be sure that there won't be another somebody?,after all you had two wives all the while saying you always loved me" (largely paraphrased by the way). So i say out loud "You can never be sure that there won't be another somebody you just have to be the best at all times and hope for the best"... My point you are never sure, i don't even know if u can let yourself believe that you are special enough (don't crucify me o, i'm just saying) but you hope and you give it all you have at every point, except you know there is no future in said relationship, but if you do i believe in giving a 100% effort. There are just no guarantees in life, i think the only reassurance is in knowing that you have loved as you will like to be loved.

Watching "Something New" and is it really a preference not a prejudice to date only people of your color? I think prejudice is the underlying reason not to date from another color/race/ethnicity whatever you say, and the burden of proof that love is the same lies with the opposing color/race/ ethnicity. Did i just make sense there, i tend not to make sense so forgive me.

Nways i came here to share a post by my best-friend called "My not so perfect man" edited by yours truly :)

I want my man. No I don't have a man. But I want MY man. 
He must have a degree. 
He must have a job, or have good potential to get a job. 
He must believe in God. Not necessarily a church goer. 
He must have a good family.
Physically, no exact requirements except, he must be taller than me. I'm 5'6" w/o heels. 
I want passionate sex.
He has to let me be me. I don't want him to change me.
I don't want him to call my life boring because I LOVE staying home and just, chillin'. 
I want that man that doesn't care for how scandalous I can dress sometimes and just let’s me be me. 
I want that man that can tell me to be quiet and I know not to dare say anything back. (If you know me, then you'll know this is almost impossible).
I want that man that can live his life independent of me but cannot do without me. 
I want that man that I can talk to about nothing and everything. 
I want that man that I can apologize to without thinking twice about it. 
I want that man that can rock my world. 
I want that man that'll make me want to move the world for him. 
I want that man that knows he's flawed and does not apologize for it. He just lives. 
I want that man that will love my mother like his own, or close enough. 
I want that man that will make me laugh!
I want that man that I can be random with.
I want that man that I'll feel secure with. 
I want that man that I can share all my insecurities with and not feel judged.
I want that man that I will love with his flaws and all. 
I want that man that will love me in spite of my flaws. 
He's not perfect, you just think he is. 
I want that man that will let me be me.
I want MY man.
My not-so-perfect man.

So what do you think? Is she asking for too much? Is it unreasonable to  have a list. I want to hear what you think? 

To Oye: All your heart desires and more, the Lord will grant unto you,and when you least expect it you will find a man that sweeps you off your feet, who will love you for all you are & all you are not. Love you mama.

P.s. I'm sick :-(. I want my baby and i want to be kissed dammit. Is Long distance a good enough reason to break up?