Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year + Bye

From the depths of my soul, I wish you a Happy New Year. May it be all that you hope and desire, prosperous and blessed.

The year doesn't look so good for me already, isn't that sad? I won't be here a lot if ever again. But who knows what the future holds. But I'm tired of sharing sad stories and that's all I've got right now.

Please continue to read my work in Vanguard Newspaper Nigeria. Every Sunday's Allure publication. My column is called Inspired by Style. Also at and for music reviews. Also please check out my baby's blog...'s a weird but interesting writer, do encourage her.

Will be checking out your blogs as per usual, wishing you all the very best.

Neefemi signing out

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!

I like how everybody is saying this was the best year of their lives. I'm happy for you, really i am. This was the most horrible year of my life, i can't even put it in words how much. And when last night, the last bomb dropped, i had to laugh. My heart has been broken, my spirit broken, my mind and soul broken, i feel like i spent most of this year a walking dead. What a year!!!

But do you know what this year brought for me....The Best friends i could ever have. I met the most generous people this year, who gave of their time by praying for me, thinking of me, sending me a loving word or two. If i told you how many bloggers/friends/twitterfam sent me money this year or even offered. So many people who have never met me, probably won't recognize me if they see me face to face who have been blessings to me. It brings tears to my eyes every time i think of it. I may have not had money this year, but i had and have a lot more than money can buy. Loads of Love, Love that i don't deserve after-all what have i done to deserve it other than dump my problems on you. This was Gods way of blessing me this year, you were all God's blessing to me this year.

So i wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart. The Love you have shown me will never depart from your life and he will renew you each and every day. You will continue to find favor in the sight of the Lord and Man. He will grant you all your heart desires and make your path easy before you. From the bottom of my heart i say a big THANK YOU, for you were all blessings to me this year.

Allow me this when i say that 2011 will be the best year of my life in Jesus Name. Not the way numerous people say it, but because it couldn't get worse than it has been. And i will be honored to go through the new year with you all. so may the Good Lord, keep us safe above all. Have a fantabulous day guys.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. ~ Isiah 9:6


Thursday, December 16, 2010

On a lighter note

OMG GUYS!!!! I'm so sorry. I mean i know i have a right to share anything i want here, but i feel so bad unloading on you guys like this. This is why i don't talk you know. I haven't spoken to anyone except my siblings/family in 24 hours because i can't explain this to people. I tend to come on here and just offload.... i'm sure my best-friend is mad at me by now, second time in a row, well maybe more times than i can remember, i come here to write and she has to see what i'm going through on here....i apologize love, forgive me.

So Nutty Jay is mad at me for removing comments and i'm sure she is not alone - I really am sorry, as you well know i am very open and i put it all out there, but i couldn't really take another "i'm praying for you" and "God loves you". I promise to never do it again. I promise i am not overly -dramatic cc:Honey Dame, lol. Life has been hard, yesterday was one of those everything that could go wrong, went wrong and it seemed unnecessary and unfair kinda day. But i'm fine and to prove it imma show you...heheheheheh + tell you about my week in NY.

So after the cancelled appointment, i went back to NY to stay at my friends. He wasn't home for the first three days so it was kinda cool, walking around the house naked, plus feeling like i was a New Yorker going out on my own and stuff. So i have noticed that houses in NY/NJ can be very spacious/big but the bathroom is so freaking tiny, i hate that. O that first night i got drunk solo, i will never ever drink again in my life, plus vodka sucks. The next day i met up with my friends Jums and Amy for soul food (i don't like soul food). The next day i saw Fela on Broadway, imma leave my opinions on this out. I think everyone should see it tho, giving the opportunity. O so i'm very comfortable staying at a guys place alone with him as long as i'm not interested in/attracted to him, the only way something is happening is if he rapes me. I like that BB trusts me sha, or at least i hope he does. I heard no complaints and does he have a right to nways as per the nature of our "relationship"?

The next day we went to the Bronx to party, never seen anything like it before. This is not like the NY you see in the movies o, lol, some grimy "Lawd have Mercy". I was protected by my two guy friends sha plus i was envious of all the big booty girls out there. The next day we finally did it NY style, kinda cool. I realized then why i don't go out a lot though, when i like someone its hard for me to grind on another and thats a major part of my dancing, lol, plus i am usually the third wheel, so my two friends danced the night away together and i was just kinda there.

Went back to NJ for schools orientation, i really want to go and i pray i can. My Dean was very cool, said she had heard about the interview i was to have and told me the woman was nuts and she will look out for something for me. Omo, houses in NJ cost twice the 2bedroom place we live in Michigan, lol. Found a place like 20mins far out from school that seems decent though. Moving to NJ will be a commitment for 3yrs though, in the past two years i have lived in 3 different cities. So if some miracle happens i will be leaving Michigan first week of January, you can like to start sending house warming presents guys. Thank you in advance. :))

Speaking of which my fun in Ny was courtesy friends. I did not spend a dime of my own (not like i had, lol). Big shout out to Shade and Roc and TayneMent, you are all life savers. Josh + Jumy + Yomi + Oge as well, can't thank you enough. I also met up with a new friend Kev (so fine) but we will be working together so no go area :(. Met my lil nephew (what is the child of your cousin to you?) so tiny and so cute, he's going to be a fine and great man.

My Boobs grew this past week guys, first i thought it was def PMS but it looks like its here to stay... Let me show you :)... At the school they thought i was a teenager (someone even said 16) until i told them i was 24 and doing a PhD :)).. Only two of us were accepted, also a girl and she's Ghanaian, so kinda cool too.

In other news i need "some" *coughs* its true jo, even though its never happening :(.
My friend Yoms will be here for Christmas, should be fun.
Met an army woman at the airport, felt really sad for her, she should be home for the holidays. I hope she's safe.
Met a Ghanaian guy (met a couple this weekend sha, some fine boys) who went into the Army because after 3years as a graduate, he couldn't find a job. I couldn't blame him at all, i wish that option were open to me too. I also pray he's safe.
I think thats all sha, i can't think of anything else right now... O guys i lost my IPod, who is getting me one for Christmas??? Pretty Please *bats eyelashes* What will i do without music o?
I'm fine, i promise *wet sloppy kisses, Muuuahhhhhhhh*

Pics have been removed :))

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Tell God

Someone needs to tell God....I AM NOT JOB
so if he is the one doing this to me or allowing the devil do this to me, then i am done
this things look upward and then goes right down the drain thing is enough
he can like to take my life, cos i'm done, i have no strength
all i ever wanted to do in life is take care of my family and others(even to my detriment) and be happy
so i don't know what i did to make him mad that he has decided to make my life a living hell
i thought the whole point was that i will have a story to tell that will magnify his name
but i'm not even interested anymore, cos we are all here together when people that don't know him are doing abundantly well, no cares in this world
if i were courageous enough i would kill myself, but i''m not
so someone needs to tell him that i'm done and he can do with me what he pleases

please don't call, don't email, don't comment, don't preach, don't pray, don't worry - its all pointless

P.S I Love You .... this is true always

Monday, December 6, 2010

My Testimony

As you all know, i got into UCONN last August for my PhD but i could not go because they said they couldn't waive my tuition or provide a stipend as far as i knew it, this was the norm. So i decided to defer admission, hoping that by January i would have gotten something. In the meantime i kept looking for a job, as i had been out of one since July. Eventually came back to Michigan from Houston, i figured my siblings and i could suffer together, and so we have done and even in the worst days its been fun. I decided then to apply for other schools, and so i did, 3 in total.

Last week, i got one acceptance letter and two rejection letters. I was overjoyed, got into UMDNJ, was going to be living close to NY which i always wanted to do, it is a prominent program, they even gave me an advisor immediately unlike UCONN where i had to find one myself (this is also unusual btw) but they also had no money for me, i was going to have to pay tuition and all that. There and then i started looking for jobs in the area, i found one and the next day i applied for it. The day after that i got an email asking me to schedule an appointment for the position, i had come to Jersey for it cos couldn't do it over the phone, so put it for this week, tomorrow to be exact. Found some money, booked a ticket and my joy knew no bounds.

It was finally all coming together. This job would pay for my school fees and i'll still pay my bills and even that of my siblings back in Michigan. They would file for me, so i would no longer be on student visa but on work visa and that reduces my school fees from international rates to normal rates. I was going to be productive and the research i would do, would serve as the basis for the papers i needed to publish and my final thesis and dissertation.

So i got to the airport today, a lot of merry go round, finally got on a 12noon flight when i got there @ 8.30am and was supposed to have left on a 10am flight. Couldn't afford the ticket straight to NJ, so took the one to NY. Took a bus from the airport, to the subway, the subway to the train station and the train station to NJ. I'm cold, i'm tired (i swear i didn't think my luggage was that heavy), i'm hungry (ain't that a first) and its freezing cold. I look at my phone and i get this message.

Hi Nifi,

Hope your day is going well thus far. Unfortunately, we have to cancel your appointment with Dr.xxxxx tomorrow afternoon.  We are canceling all the appointments for this position. We apologize for any inconveniences.

Thank you,

I cried while i waited in the cold for my friend to come pick me, for like 30mins and then i cleaned my eyes and i said Thank you Jesus. For a roof on my head in this horrible weather, for the clothes i own, for good health and protection for me, my family members, loved ones and friends, and for seeing it fit to keep waking me up every morning. I Thank you Lord. I promised that no matter what happened, i will praise him and thats what i'm going to keep doing. It is well with my soul and the devil will not have the last laugh.

P.s I Love You

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Relationship 101

NOTE: Sorry guys i don't know what i did or what happened, but somehow i lost this post, together with the comments. Thankfully my best-friend had it, so all is well. I am sorry to those who already commented, i would put it back up, since i have them in my email.

Hello guys, how are you doing? Hope you all had a splendid week and wishing you a splendid weekend ahead.

A couple things:
1. I have gone back to reply every comment, i am so sorry for slacking off on that and i promise not to again.
2. I actually forgot that yesterday was Thursday, will make up for Praise Thursday next week, plus that will be Testimony Day, Thankful in advance.
3. So i saw my blog on Linda Ikeji's blog roll the other day and i felt like a star. :))
4. Shout-out to all the new followers, plus you should know i always check out your blogs and i always read, i just might not comment, will try to amend that.
5. Finally, disregard the name of this post, just couldn't come up with something else. This is a very personal post, don't know why i said that in advance, but thought you should know. Let's go

Today, as with many days prior i was asked "So are you and your guy official yet?" My response as usual is NO!!... That's something a lot of you didn't know. BB and I are not official.
The next question is often "how long have you guys been talking now?"..... 10 months
The next question is then "why? There has to be a reason?"..... I don't know, I really don't know.

Prior to meeting BB, i believed that you needed to be official within 6 - 8months, especially when you know that what you have is good and not a joke, of course whether or not the relationship will last is another issue.
Now often people want to know specifics.
Things like does that mean he can talk to somebody else or can I?....Truth is technically he can and so can I. I am not talking to anyone else, whether or not he is, i don't know.
Same with sex. I am not having sex with him or anybody else. Whether or not he is, i don't know.
Another is "so if he sleeps with someone else and you find out, what would you do?" Honestly, i don't know. I used to say as soon as i find out a guy cheats on me, as long as there is no ring on my finger i'm out the door. As you all know, love is not enough for me. The question comes up, that can you consider it cheating? doesn't not being official mean that you don't owe each other anything? ... I say valid points. Like i said i don't know. I will hurt, be disappointed and walking out will definitely be an option and probably the first thing i will try to do.
Another question is "so if you are out and he introduces you as his friend, how would you feel?" I honestly wouldn't feel anyways, and i would introduce him the same way. His family and friends know about me as my friends and family know about him. BB and I joke that we are going to go from straight to where we are to being engaged.

Why am i saying all this? Before this relationship, everything was clear cut for me, so i can't fault anyone for feeling like i am doing myself a great disservice by going about this way. People are worried about me and are afraid i'm going to find myself hurt. That's fair and i understand and yet i wouldn't have it any other way. I love this man and i give him a 100% even on days when i complain and want to be out of it and what we have been through, because as you can probably guess, we have been through things seems unbearable. There are some secrets that just have to stay between a "couple" and if we end up not being together i probably will cry and then i will move on. I do want to be official at some point, you are right to say its time, but for us things need to settle down a lil bit, individually and as a unit, but for me it has to be natural and cannot be forced.

Looking at it from the outside you might say that we are both afraid to commit or as my guy friends say "he has found an option to eat his cake and have it, that is keep you for marriage while he sleeps around, so when he does something and you find out, he pulls the friendship card" - That was word for word, a comment by a friend btw. All valid points, and i have often said that i am afraid to commit, growing up i never saw myself married, i thought i was going to be a highly successful woman, who was single and adopted plenty kids and the thought still lingers.

So my point in all this, life is not simple, life is complicated with plenty shades of grey and black and white and yellow. But you do yourself a great injustice not living it to the fullest. Learn to bend the rules. Adjust it to fit your needs, embrace change without losing your principles. If i thought my principles were compromised, i would not continue this and if i ever feel it is i would walk away, no questions asked. People are only looking from the inside in and though they think they know the best for you and might even have gone through the same experience, sometimes you have to go with your own gut and instinct. You know where it hurts the most, you know if the good outweighs the bad, you alone know.

Don't be fooled to think that you need a man to be happy at any age, don't let past relationships ruin your life, don't rush for the wedding day and the white dress and cake, cos marriage is a heck more than that. Understand that every relationship is very different, perspectives are varying, what works for the goose certainly does not work for the gander. I come from a broken home and as stable as my siblings and I are, its the worst thing that happens to a child, don't be deceived. Still i think it would even be worse to be in a home, where everything is wrong, the man cheats, beats his wife or vice-versa cos some women are doing it, all in the name of staying together."When people(read: HE/SHE) show(s) you their TRUE colors don't try to paint a different picture."Pray for the right choice, the right man, the one for you. Know that it takes a lot of work. Aim to be best person you can be, the right choice for him, the right woman for him.

Nways, i suddenly felt the need to share this with you, i don't know why. Forgive the preachiness of it all, this is how it formulates in my brain and the only way i can relate it. Thank you for reading at all, i appreciate it.
Have a splendid day and God Bless.
P.s I've still not told him I Love him, upon all my talk. I shall wait for wedding day, if it happens. Don't judge me :)... This is my one kryptonite

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Music and I

It's 3:30 am in the morning as I type this and I'm yet to get a wink of sleep but that's normal at this rate. Been listening to music nonstop since about 12:30 and I'm amazed at how much I love music.

It is fair to say I love music more than any human being.
It is fair to say that If you left me alone in the world as long as I had music and my feet to dance, I will be alright
I'm still trying to reconcile my love for music with my relationship with God. Is he ok with it? Is he not? Something about you can worship no other god before me and he is a jealous God. Not like I worship music, but if you ask me to describe myself in one word, I would say music.

Music is the essence of me. It conveys words I cannot speak, describing emotions I don't understand of myself and don't know I feel, drives and fuels my passion. On nights like this, music makes love to me from the tip of my toes to my very brain, I feel it down there too. Like a lovers touch, so loving, so caring, sensitive to my need and desires, taking it's sweet time, causing the butterfly feelings in my tummy and making me shiver like I just had the windows open and a blast of cold air came rushing in.

Music is my opium/my ectasy my addiction. My true love, always giving requiring nothing from me but my ears. Perfect Bliss!!!!!

NP- Joe - We need to roll

P.s I Love You