Thursday, January 27, 2011

Waddup tho?

That's a Michigan slang btw, i miss my siblings sha :(.... Hello guys, how are you doing? Hope your week was good? It snowed all day yesterday, about 15-19 inches, so babes are sitting at home chilling. Actually have a lot to do and i'm being lazy :))

School is going good, its definitely a lot of work as any graduate program will be, i just forgot how much. I have actually been out of school for a year + sha. So my one professor gave us the book for free (He co-wrote it) and i honestly see why he did. That book cannot sell, as in its impossible, its such technical jargon, you need more than a doctorate to understand it o. Mschewww, me that i was happy that i didn't have to pay for book. I'm so burnt ehn.

So i'm highly flattered as to how well you guys know me, re: tell me one thing about me. I was shocked that one or two people caught on that i'm a private person. As open as i am, in sharing everything, i am the most private person i know, like even with my best friend. People often tell me, including my siblings, i never know what you think and i'm thinking i talk a lot though how is that possible?

Some other things mentioned were: "I'm in love" (this is still true), ;i care a lot" ( i do the most actually, but i can't seem to help it) "You always see the good in people. You are one for believing in people. You are an optimist"(so true, plus i expect so much from people, so no one to blame for my disappointments really) and "i love God" (without question). Thanks a lot guys for the answers, i'm quite honored.

So i was called out on not doing Music Mondays and Praise Thursdays anymore. I do apologize, i will get back on it starting Monday, although will share a song at the end of this post. Its funny cos i will hear a song and think i ought to share with you guys and i will save it on my bb. so i do have a lot to share.

In random news: I get questioned a lot about what i say and what it means, and how it could have been interpreted as something else and how they perceived it as something else. I wonder if this happens to anyone else.

I do not see whats wrong in egg donation. Plus its 8k here in jersey (yes i checked), plus i can actually help somebody. The argument that essentially i will have a kid out there is mute to me since i did not carry said child in my tummy and will not be raising the child. It takes more than dropping your semen/eggs to be a parent, i would know.

IF and i pray its an IF at 35, i do not have a man, i will go ahead to getting a kid, naturally or by adoption. There is no ifs or maybes about it. And no i'm not afraid that i'm reducing my chances from then ever having a man, because if i'm meant to have a man at that point, he would be a man that loves me and my kid. Shikena.

Which reminds me, something i'm praying on right now is this fear that i am going to end up alone. Its funny people see me and say you will be married soon (my aunt said she won't be surprised if i'm married this year, lol) and yet i keep seeing myself alone. I feel like my love is not going to be enough or it will be too much it drives him (anybody) away.

A friend of mine (we've been friends for a while) did tell me the other day he loved me and wanted me (known this for a while, but this was different, this was genuine) and i hurt for both of us. One because i know how hard it must have been for him to tell me that, knowing i did not feel the same way. I also know about having that same feelings and not being able to say it (i haven't told BB) and i also know about wishing that the person you love would tell you those words and mean them and show it to you.

I have being eating extra healthy lately, like its so disgusting. Hardly put salt in my food, eating more fish than meat, loads of fruits, like i'm seeing myself doing this and i'm complaining but i can't change it. The day i'm going to go crazy and gorge on a tub of ice-cream will soon come i'm sure. I do wish i drank more water tho, i hardly drink anything. Have i mentioned that i hate public toilets so i try not to have way too much liquid in me, esp when i'm at school. 

I take horrible pictures though guys, like i will look at myself in the mirror and think "o you look good" and take a picture and think "gosh i'm ugly" and the one good pic you see is after i have taken and discarded a 100 before :(

I think thats about it guys. I hope all is well with you. I wish you an awesome weekend. O if you are in the NY/NJ area and want to go out, let me know. I have this fine dress i want to so desperately wear :). I leave you with what to me is one of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard and i play everyday since i got it.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

LORD!!! I need A JOB

About to hit the sacks and end what was a long and dare i say interesting kind a day but i had to come put this on here real quick. Will respond to the answers from my last post, in the next one, but i can already tell you, you all know me pretty much very well. But that's not why i am here. I am here to use this as medium to God, sometimes my mouth does not say it as good as i write it.

Lord, i need a job. I desperately need a PAYING job. Emphasis on the paying part because i have so many "jobs" and none of them are paying. I am not complaining cos these jobs have given me so much joy, introduced me to many people, given me a name of some sort, i really have been quite lucky. I get to organize events in other countries, i get to write a fashion article and do music reviews, i get to manage an artist. I mean, God you have been awesome to me.

But God, i need a paying job. You see all week i have been extra emotional and feeling bloated and a lil down and i know its because i am not on my pill, like i have been for so many months because i cannot afford it this month. You see, i need to do my hair, i'm beginning to look quite unkempt. I need my textbooks, i mean they are just about 70bucks, it doesn't seem like quite a lot. I need gas in my car, so i can go to church on my own, so i don't have to go with uncle and aunty from 6am-2pm. Yesterday, i broke my mirrors backing out the garage, i have to do this every morning and every night, God its getting quite uncomfortable already, i want my own place. And you know i have to buy my own groceries and needs over here, you don't want me to starve do you? Lord, my car would soon be re-possessed o and then there is rent where my siblings are in Michigan, and bills like tv, and phone and gas.

So God, look down with favor on me and give me a job. A good job, i would prefer full time, but i also don't mind part time. Wednesdays i have 6hours of school nways, so whatever will give me Wednesdays off. I don't mind working weekends, well apart from Sunday. One that pays well above minimum wage, because you know i have a masters. One that will also be relevant to my education. One that will give me the opportunity to glorify your name. And Lord i want this job soon, please God, i am begging with desperate pleas. I ask for this in the name of Jesus and i believe you will answer my prayers. You said we should ask and we shall receive, and you also said we should commit to the Lord whatever we do, and you will establish our plans. You also said you will perfect whatever concerns me and this concerns me. And i believe your word will not come back to you void in Jesus Name. Amen.

And something else i would like to share.....
I know I’m a tad bit emotional right now so maybe this is all in my mind 
But it occurred to me today that I’ve never felt desired
You know the passion that drives a man insane to have you at any or all costs.
I mean sure I’ve been liked even loved by many a man, but never wanted or needed
At 24 years of age, this is quite sad and disconcerting. 
…… Shrugs
....... I bet you can't relate

Sigh, nways Good Night and/or Good Morning


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Acceptance Speech

Hi Guys, how are you all doing? Hope the week started off to a great start? Wishing you a wonderful rest of the week.

I started to respond to comments on my last post yesterday and my browser(s) kept crashing so i will try again later today, i do want to say a very big Thank you to everyone though, for the support and the prayers and the i told you so's (Lol), i really appreciate it all. God bless you all so very much, he is faithful and able to complete that which he has started.

I got the award for Stylish and Versatile Blogger. *does the happy dance* Thank you so very much, i am honored and i appreciate it. BlessingPrism of an ImmigrantFragilelooks, Taynement, Pinacolada, Nutty J, thanks a lot guys, for even thinking of me as such, i appreciate it. Nutty Jay, thank you so much for the cup, tres cool :)

7 Things About Me...... Allow me to switch this up a little, because i feel like i have been very open and honest on here. So i would like you to please tell me one thing you think you know with a certainty about me. You cannot say "You Love Music" tho, lol....everybody knows that. This should be interesting don't you think? *winks*

I do not believe i have up to 15 bloggers since most people have already gotten it, but here goes in no particular order

Etoile Oye

So thanks again to those who gave me the award and congratulations to those i just awarded. In other news, i start school today. I have never made a big deal about anything before, but this is kind of a big deal for me, so i'm nervous today, yesterday i was afraid but i know everything will be alright. As you take a step further in your dreams, i wish you all the very best of luck, it is well with us all.

My uncle and aunt are pretty cool, i am happy. My aunt is already talking, matchmaking me, lol, she is funny. I have not yet started to explore my surroundings, maybe after i've done a full week of school i will get to going out and hopefully meeting new people.

O so thats how me and this guy took our conversation off twitter to gchat and i wished for a minute i was in naija to see if we would actually mesh in real life you know. Not even on a dating level, just as per someone you instantly click with friendship level.

So gimme a minute to settle down and i will be back to my regular mouthful blogging. Wet kisses all around.


Monday, January 10, 2011

New Beginnings

"Stop your worrying, because God is in control of your tomorrow"...... Hi guys, of course you know the verse in the bible that i have hugely paraphrased. In my life right this minute, it happens to be the sentence that most describes me.

I don't know anything, i don't know what i'm doing, i don't know the plan, i just know that i have packed all my belongings and uprooted to Jersey to start school next week. How i'm going to get to school, how i'm going to pay for school, how i'm going to get books for school, i  have absolutely no idea. I just know that a week ago, i had planned to maybe postpone to September again, and then my mum called an aunt, and before my mum could finish talking she offered to let me come stay.

As i sit in my room, with my own tv (no closet or personal bathroom sha, lol), i can't help but thank God. I've driven to a lot of places before and this was the smoothest, no traffic, no accident, no construction, no cops, no bad weather, nothing. I made an 11 hour drive in a lil over 9hours. The warmth in which my aunt i had never met and her husband(he is oyinbo, and she is oyinbo-fied) have received me, you would think there was something more to it.

So i don't know and i'm beginning to think and maybe accept the fact that its not my business to know. Even with my relationship, everybody asks me questions, i truthfully don't know as BB will say, "it will come to us in a dream"(No regrets, whatever happens still). More than that i just think for me being a control freak, the lesson here like Bimbo told me the other day is for me to take a chill pil, relax and let go of everything and everyone and let God's will be done. So i'm going to do just that.

I've been told to come back to blogging, i really don't want to be a downer, but i believe all of that is in the past anyways, cos i believe everything will be just alright, and so i will be back, give me some time to settle in. So as an appetizer i have something to say..........I want to be kissed. It really bothers me that i haven't been kissed in soooo long( I should wait till i see BB, i know, but, emmm, lol *shrugs*). It also bothers me that i have absolutely no suitors. My friend called me out on it today, maybe cos i have so many guy friends, i did not really notice. Maybe cos i have talked about BB so much(well only here really), cos if u see my tweets, lol, i'm single o and i'm not on facebook like that. So maybe its just that I've not met anyone new, cos i sat my butt home all this while, i don't know sha i'm bothered. If BB and i don't work, i will have no rebound guy, or just when i want attention from someone other than BB. Lol, this has nothing to do with how much i love that boy, i'm just being a realist jo.

Nways, i hope you are all doing well? (answer me o) i wish you all the best, i'm sure you know this and you know if you ever want to talk, you should just drop me a msg with your number or email and i will get in touch. Shout out to Sugarking for the call (he has a nice voice, ladies). Have a blessed week, all the best.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Just in case you missed it

I had to share this........ God will change your situation around in Jesus Name.... tapping into this blessing for the year, that although my situation hasn't been forever long, he will remember me and you as well

Neefemi...... still out