Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Based on Conversations

Hi guys, this is just a short post cos i want to know how everybody thinks and find out if i really am just extra special.

The other day i asked you guys, if anyone else got asked questions about what they said or wrote. Nobody answered, so this is another opportunity for you to please do that.

So today i'm talking to my friend Femi, telling him i had no suitors and that it was even so bad that a friend on bbm saw my status which reads "walking in love" and he said "i see that you are now finally in love or at least talking about love. Finally, Thank God, whew". and i was telling him how this is not the first person to say something akin to that. I go on to say that i don't like that I've gotten people worried about me (esp when it comes to relationships) and that maybe I've been giving the wrong impressions like there is an icebox where my heart used to be.

I then go, that's so not me cos i am the most loving person i know. He goes "you are one of those people with sooooooooooooo much love to give but does not show it" I respond with "i don't believe i have soooooooooooooo much love to give, i believe i have adequate love to give. He then proceeds to call me a contradiction (not the first time this has been said to me) Which brings me to my story.

Random fact about me: I rationalize everything, i think it a million times, before i say it out loud, before i tweet or blog it. I am very conscious about perceptions, like i understand that people are free to form their opinions just like that, but i like to present myself in a good way as much as possible. Like i try to not come off as proud, or pitiful, or stupid, occasionally i shoot myself in the foot and just say things without thinking but for the most part this is me. So i guess my question is does anybody else do this?

Part two is that "I say everything with strong convictions": This is true, apart from the moments when i shoot myself in the foot, i do not believe in uttering things i do not believe in. If i say it, its cos that how i understand it, see it, and i believe in it. Now there are times when i tweet/say something i would think people would just say "this girl is silly" "she is a joker" like me saying today i want Tuface's kids. If he were the last man on earth i wouldn't want his kids, tho i think he is fine but more than that i personally have issues with dating a man with kids, no matter the circumstances. But i have supported friends, family members who have done that, even marrying the man. This is cos what works for the goose does not work for the gander. Contradiction

Which brings me to part 3; I have double standards on a lot of things and i am not afraid to say that. I have a gay friend and he is awesome and cute,yet i do not believe that i will accept it coming from my family member, or God forbid my kid. Another example is i say that once a guy cheats on me i will leave. With my ex i did just that, i left, no questions. With BB, the truth is i'm not sure i can leave, even if i want to and it will be easy to come up with excuses too "we are not official" "we are not having sex" " "i've seen it still work for other couples, like it works in the movies" You and i both know i'm deceiving myself, but i will be lying if i told u, i will walk out without looking back, just like that. I tend to address every situation differently, cos i think every situation is peculiar. If you asked me there is no reason you shouldn't be official with someone you like after 6-8months, and its been over a year for me now. Contradiction

So in point, i guess i can be a contradiction, but i am coming to realize for one, i say/look at things how i think it should happen in  the my ideal world. The world is not ideal and unfortunately for me as a control freak, i cannot control everything, if i could, i surely would. So maybe i will change my mouth a couple times and thats ok. Also add my life experiences and my moral convictions to it, its ok for life to be a lil unique in my eyes. I would like for people to understand me more, but i'm ok with people accepting me as i am.

So just thought i should share and hear what your take is. How do you view the world? what are ways in which you contradict yourself? Do you have double standards?

Also as an extra i saw a tweet which read "IMO The ten commandments can be bent". Now my first reaction to things like this is to say something like" that's why you are not a good Christian or something"  (i'm very judgmental, sorry, i'm working on it) but i also know that i have to be able to hear where that person is coming from and since i couldn't ask said person(don't follow him/her, just seen it as a RT). Want to know if any of you have the same opinion and why? I do not personally think any of the commandments can be and should be bent.

Ok that's it.



  1. I'm the queen of rationalizing...i think about what i'm going to say...i think about all the possible ways the person i'm saying it to might take it...and then i think of what my response to it might be...and half the time..i end up not saying anything..i dont know if that's a good thing or a bad thing...it just is...
    Ain't nothing wrong with that :)

  2. hmm... deep stuff..I think things often look different when we are the ones in the hot seat as opposed to someone else...... I am personally a stickler for definition though... I'd think hanging out interminably for a year is kinda odd... But then, perhaps its just cold feet... :)

  3. I think this could have been my post!!!We are so alike in more ways than one!

  4. I truly don't want to be the one grammar snob commenting on this post but I will do it anyway.

    Rationalizing means making excuses for something or trying to make excuses to make something you have done seem "right". It really doesn't mean thinking about things before acting on them.

    You see how I just made my comment despite the fact that people reading this may think that I am annoying English Language nerd with no concern for the things that are bothering you?

    I don't think you should let a friend's comment bother you this much. I agree that you ARE a very loving person because if you weren't you wouldn't let the idea of people worrying about your relationship status bother you.

    The fact that you realize that you have strong convictions, think things through thoroughly, can be judgmental, and have double standards, tells me that you know where your hang-ups may lie when it comes to relationships. So, work on those things you feel you want to change and tell Femi et al. to mind their own damn business.

    That's all.

    P.S: pardon the multiple postings. My internet is acting up.

  5. Ehmm.. you do know calling this 'a short post' is a contradiction in itself right? lol.. just kiddin' :)

    If anything it's admirable that you know who you are, and are comfortable in your convictions. Not everyone will agree with you but then that's what makes us humans. We're diverse by nature and fashioned by our experiences.

    Re the 10 commandments, I've always believed the fifth to be most important. Cos it's the only one that ends with a prayer. That's not to say the others are any less.. uhm.. oh well, imma shut up now.

    PS. Not so sure I wholeheartedly agree with EDJ's definition there, my dictionary says; "rationalize - think rationally; employ logic or reason". Then again, I wouldn't trust it in a game of scrabble.

  6. Same here...your first random fact feels like I wrote it. I think things over a million times and already have possible scenarios of how they could play out in my head!

    I cant find your email address anywhere on your page :/

  7. Wikipedia defines rationalizing as defense mechanism in which perceived controversial behaviors or feelings are explained in a rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, to differentiate from the original deterministic explanation, of the behavior or feeling in question.

    English nazis more info.

    Me I don't know but I guess I wonder how one can speak with conviction about something if you are only speaking about the moment and it varies from situation to situation. I believe something spoken with conviction shouldn't be subject to change at any moment.

    I think you were on to something when you said you were a control freak and you say how you think things should be in your ideal world. Its like (again speculation) you say things as you believe it should be and when faced in the situation your actions say different BUT you still stick to the words that you have spoken.

    Even though for the most part everyone always says you shouldn't worry what others say, I do feel it's important to have a semblance of consistency among friends and loved ones in addition to acceptance.



  8. Yes to all three questions. I'm like this too!
    Haba, why should the 10 commandments be flexible? Their unbendable nature is what makes them commandments/laws/principles. While humans cannot obey these commandments even if they tried their total best, it doesn't mean the commandments can be bent to work around this defect. Why did Jesus have to come and suffer for us then?

  9. Okay, this post just sums part of me up to a perfect tee. I particularly over-rationalize and contradict myself so much so, it drives me crazy. Oh well. Amen to what Kate said.

    And ditto what Roc said in the first part of his comment. When i read short post, i honestly scrolled down only to see it was far from short...Nifemi!!!

    Yes you are extra special. Extra specially weird that is:)

  10. I think you shouldnt care too much about what people perceive your posts or status updates to imply.

    Infact Neefemi I think you worry too much. If your intentions are right and you feel good about yourself what does it matter how people misconstrue what you mean/say/think? Anyways thats just how I reason sha

    Eh..dicktionary people, my own definition of rationalize is when a body, often a human, tells himself rational-lies...

    Just say and do what you feel...so long as no one is hurt in the process

  11. Lol @ "rational-lies". I assume your mis-spelling of dictionary is on purpose? Or am I wrong?

    Neefemi, I agree with Nutty J about everything except the definition of rationalize.

    You know who you are and who you want to be. Other people should not worry you so much especially if they clearly don't know you very well.

  12. I am definitely the prime example of a contradiction so much that everybody believes I am two extremely different people living in one body. But no one can deny that I am true to myself, all the time. Every situation in life is peculiar just like you said and I have learned that there are no hard rules. I do worry about consequences, maybe not as much as you do, and (most times) when I feel like God agrees with what my motives are for doing something, I just DO IT.

  13. i still dont understand this yiyu and BB story sha

    anyways i agree with Nutty J

  14. I have a set of rules I believe everyone should follow and then get upset when they don't lol.

    I contradict myself in so many ways too sometimes, and even in writing this sentence I stopped to think whether I should delete it or not. Lol

    I believe in consequences to the point I would not comment on my friends photos or 'like' anything on Facebook for months. I only just started doing that and letting people write on my wall this week. Lol

  15. "The world is not ideal and unfortunately for me as a control freak, i cannot control everything, if i could, i surely would"


  16. @all - Reading this again and i'm all smiles. Thank you so much guys, you always help me in more ways than one and i'm truly grateful. God Bless


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