Sunday, March 6, 2011

Everybody Settles

Hi Guys,

How are you? Been home from church since about 11am and still not able to read. I have both my exams on Wednesday, plus a focus group tomorrow and i'm just pitying myself. I know i like to read under pressure but you will think after two degrees i would know better.

Nways just doing this now, cos i wont be able tomorrow, i travel on Thursday and like i said prior i am going to be away for 10days with little or no communication. Don't miss me too much guys, heheheheh more importantly put me in your prayers in particular on Monday morning, and please ask that i find favor in the sight of man and in the sight of God. Hopefully i come back with loads of good news all around.

I don't think i have a lot to say but by the time i'm done it always seems like such a long post. So lehhhhgoooo

First and foremost - Everybody and i mean everybody settles so its high time people stop saying this. Every man wants Halle Berry or JLO but they end up with who they end up with and every woman wants Morris Chestnut or David Beckham and you end up with who you end up with it. We all eventually settle for the lil things, its when people settle for the big things that the issue arises.(have i talked about this before, i feel like i have).

You do not settle for a man who does not want kids when you want kids. You do not settle for a man who does not put family first, does not put you first, does not put God first above all. You do not settle for a man who is selfish, a cheat and a coward. You do not settle for a man that hits you, who does not support you a 110%. Those are the big things and I've seen enough again recently to know that i am in no rush to get married.

I mention this because i have seen that people settle for the big things and sacrifice so much for that ring and the jubilation when they get said ring amazes me and i wonder what they are really happy about. Do they really believe things will change when they get married? Didn't anybody tell them that marriage is a lot more work? I wish i could divulge more information so you guys can truly understand what i'm saying but i try not to talk about other people in life and on my blog. Please guys, don't settle for a ring. Your happiness is worth more than diamonds or the ability to just say you are married.

O so another person dreamt about being at my wedding. Eyin eyan(people), what is the meaning of this? Why can't they see me winning the lottery now?

As much as i say whats going on, believe me when i say no one knows the half of it and in the case of BB he knows almost nothing because i would not tell him. I need to find a way to rectify that and i do not know how.   Because i knew we weren't ready to be official, i decided that he didn't need to know about my issues. Plus my issues have also been financial and because of my experiences i have promised to never tell a guy i'm talking to about my finances and till now i haven't. The one time he offered, i turned him down and i know my baby is proud to never offer again.That's not the point btw, the point is i know that it hurts him that i don't share things with him, especially cos he shares it all with me and i'm on twitter thanking friends for something he does not know about, and there are so many times he asks and i brush it off. I just don't know how to share, i don't want to be a burden and i think a part of me fears that it will be enough reason for him to leave. I know it sounds silly but its what it is.

I hate when people say things like "don't expect anything, so you don't get disappointed" Its the biggest cock of bull i have heard. Isn't expectation the premise of faith and hope. How do you live a life without expectations? I just don't understand it. I expect a lot from people and things and from God, and the Bible says that my expectations shall not be cut off.

Thankful for my mum, siblings, BB and some friends for encouraging me on this journey. Was thinking about quitting, sincerely after this semester but i believe in a Good God and i know things will work out. My mum will say "iwa buruku to mu lode Baba e ni yen" (thats the bad habit you took from your father) when she talks about me being proud because i never ask for help. This past week i begged for help and thankfully i received but more than that i believe its a lesson that God's been wanting me to learn for the longest time.

I start to think that my life has no meaning, and then someone tells me their story and i'm there to encourage them and share my story(which is usually worse,lol) and i'm not telling you that i'm happy to be going through this but i do believe that my life has a purpose after all. I hope i live long to see the other side of this story.

Guys please monitor your health closely, so many instances of sudden deaths especially among young people. Its quite scary. Also please make sure you check your car regularly, don't drive on an empty tank, two instances of people who died fixing their car on their highway including my current neighbor here in Jersey. So please i beg you, take care of everything that concerns you and the Lord will continue to keep you all in Jesus Name.

I found out that there is a strain of HIV, peculiar to Africans. Its called HIV type 0. Please make sure to get tested for this in addition to getting tested regularly. I will be participating in a walk in May, please support me by donating right here: .... I assure you nothing is little and thank you in advance.

Thats about it guys, I will be back after my exam on the 22nd (two days after spring break, it sucks). Please be good to yourselves and be safe. Love you all mucho, thank you so much for the support in every area of my life. God Bless



  1. Settling for the big things is the issue right there.
    You are so right

    But i really feel you should learn to open up and share with BB
    things like that put a space in a relationship.
    Trust me just as he can leave cos u put all your burdens on him, he can also leave cos you do not share with him, Love is about sharing Good or Bad, he would soon start feeling guilty about telling u about his issues if you dont share yours, and then he'd find someone else to tell.
    am sorry for this long comment
    Im going through something like this, so i am speaking from experience.
    You have to let someone in eventually love

  2. I have more to say but I am totally with BBB. I will be back when I get some more time to type....:)

  3. Its true, we all setttle, but we should be sure we r settling for the right things. I wish you all the best especially on the "Monday morning" :)

  4. we all settle for sure, as long as what we're settling for we can handle it in the future.
    i wish you success on your exams!

  5. Haha, i think everyone fears disappointments to a certain degree. I know i say that phrase you hate alot because it is my defense mechanism and can relate almost any situation to it.

    In this case you don't want to be a burden [a type of fear...either of being judged or pitied or what not] and you dont share because you fear BB might leave [you are managing your expectation so you dont get disappointed]. Have i succeeded in confusing you? lol.

    I do agree with BBB. A man, most of all, wants to feel needed. If you leave him out of your life of what good is he?

  6. I guess that's why they say no one is perfect. We have to settle for some little things. :( I still want my prince charming though *sniff sniff*


  7. Neefemi neefemi...sometimes I feel you and sometimes I dont (as per I cant relate to what you are saying having never experienced it). I am always hoping, wishing and praying for you. As an aside before I get into the meat of what I would want to say your tumblr post was just amazing.
    Your talk on not settling really penetrated. I have heard it so many times before but this time it really sunk in.

    The issues with BB, I feel that way sometimes...I would say start small and take a leap of faith, just do it. Ha ha, that is the best advice I can give.

    You always give so much food for thought...

  8. You said it well, it is when we settle for the BIG stuff that wahala can shele...

    Good luck in your exams!

  9. God has already sealed your exam success! Walk by faith..

  10. I know this comment is hella late but whatevs..

    I'm sure you're good sweets. You've been in my thoughts & prayers. God is your strength. I see your point on the settling. I can't lie, it bugs me when people settle just so they can be married. I mean since when did marriage become what defines people? It's so annoying..Moving on...Haha. right..Amen to peeps seeing you winning the lottery. Like others have said, please share with BB. Enough said...Hear hear to living a life of expectations. Like how do people live without being expectant? Oh well.. Lol @ "iwa buruku". Sounds like mum. haha..I'm glad you asked for and got help (I'm also learning that. It's great actually). You shall live long to testify to the glory of God in you life. Amen....Word at monitoring one's health & staying healthy. I'm sorry about the people who died. That's crazy. Sigh..HIV strain peculiar to Africans? Wow! Will definitely read up on that...sounds interesting and scary. Will help out with the walk when i get owo kudi ego:)

    Best of luck with the exam and God's favor and wisdom all the way. Take care lady..

  11. You're right about's what you settle for that matters and everything you identified that one should not settle for is 100% right. I know I won't get everything I want in a man...but I know what to avoid and I know with God's help I will get what I need.

    All the best with your exam!

  12. @BBB - Thanks a lot dear, will do

    @Honeydame - you never came back o

    @Sisi Yemmie - Thank you dear, it worked out well

    @Eve - thank you my dear

    @Repressed one - i am totally confused, lol. Na i get what you mean.

    @The corner shop - lol, you can still have him though

    @Miss natural - and you always make me blush, thank you dear

    @Myne Whitman - Thank you so much ma

    @Ginger - thank you, they were really good.

    @Shade - thank you so much love, u rock

    @Good Naija girl - Amen, you will. Thanks dear


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