Was on my way from looking at a place I hoped against all hope will be where I will live. My aunt emailed me to ask that I send her key today, so I thought “Thank you Jesus, you knew ahead and made a way for me”. But as it has come to be in my life so many times over, it was not worth the 1hr 30 min drive there.
The God honest truth is I am tired of this life, but I can’t kill myself. I do wish that it will happen naturally provided I get to go to Heaven sha. But I digress. So nways I kept missing my turns on my way back and I just started aimlessly driving until I finally got it right and as I turned I saw the most beautiful scene, missed the turn to get in and you know I had to make a U-turn to stop.
You see I believe that even if God is not with/in me. God is in the beauty of this earth. Where I am sitting right now, even though I will show you a picture, you cannot marvel at the beauty the same. You also cannot feel it and smell the air. Its gorgeous. As I sit and just marvel at the God that created this place, and marvel at man for having the common sense to preserve this place and as I watch the father teaching his kids how to fish, I just smile through my tears. I honestly have the biggest smile ever.
I am uncertain of so many things in this life, especially why I am here. But I am a certain of a God that is present, and that loves beauty, that took his time to create the things of the earth. That thought of day and night, so that as it the sun sets over the water and trees right now, you can praise him. I cannot seem to pray/sing/worship but right now at this moment I praise him with my tears, with my heart/soul and with my words that I type to you.
I think I’m going to sit here for another hour.
P.s couldn’t post this while I was actually at the park, but I did sit for another hour, cried and listened to Detrick Haddon’s ‘Amen’ till I left which starts by reading Romans 8 vs. 18.
“ I surrender, not my will but yours. I’ll bless you for all of the good and I’ll bless you for all of the bad. Nevertheless say Amen. When troubles comes, say Amen and when troubles go, say Amen, I don’t understand but AMEN”
P.S I LOVE YOU