Saturday, July 9, 2011

This is me, you're not talking to

Hello wonderful people, how you doing? So i'm hotel room chilling this weekend. Who goes to another country and just sits in the hotel room all weekend long? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been here a number of times though so maybe that's why i am not interested. I would go swimming but i have braids on :(, i want my short hair back.

When we came in yesterday, there was a fireworks display and it was just so beautiful. So when i was young, they used to laugh at me that i was "mami-water". I don't know if i mentioned it before, but my parents say when i was a kid, i would see a puddle of water and literally jump into it. I love water. I cannot see a body of water and not gosh at its awesomeness. I would go on trips, see a body of water and where possible stop and just marvel. Its just water you would say, but i think natural bodies of water, is God's most beautiful creation.

So i missed the gist and i'm not curious enough to ask, but its another episode of war against bloggers on twitter. I am tired of it, the stereotype is extremely annoying really. I am a proud blogger, i blog about everything and anything. If i tell you that i blog and its reason enough for you to not talk to me, GOOD RIDDANCE. I am looking for any reason to not talk to guys anyways, so out the door you go, don't let the door hit you. Yes, i am sure my blogging has possibly affected my life ,friendships and  relationships. I DO NOT CARE. You just do not have to read. Finish.

So i have noticed a recent development in my life. Guys are sexually attracted to me. Please do not roll your eyes. I was always the girl, guys liked after talking to me for like a week month, getting to know me, then they find that they keep wanting to talk to me. But it was never a "omygosh, i want to smash". Not sure exactly what has changed, but its actually kinda nice. I don't think i ever had/i have self esteem issues but i had a point in my life where i hated that i was also always in friend zone, and not desired. I complained about this a lot over the past few months and now when i really could not care less and just want to be another face in the crowd is when it happens. How's that for ironic?

I did good for a friend this weekend. Its actually why i am on this trip. I am glad i was given the opportunity to. I could never repay my friends so this elevated my spirit. I wish you all the best hon, God will be with you every step of the way, on this new journey. You are a true friend who never asked for anything in return, i'll miss you.

The sucky part is not being able to share the good news, no matter how minute. See song below.

So my first real exam comes in a couple weeks. All this while I've been skating by with my smile. Now the real professionals are going to examine me and i pray to God in heaven i pass. My life will change so much after this, if it all happens. Thy will be done, Lord

I was sad the other day and i got a piercing. On my neck. :-). I need to see a psychologist/psychiatrist, sooner than later.

I am grateful to God for everything, i have finally come to the conclusion that my life would be nothing memorable without all this. I would have just been another person in the world. Not to say that i am unique in any way (i think its funny when people scream i am unique, extraordinary and special, bla bla bla). I am just a regular girl, in this big world, lucky and blessed. I however like to think that if i died today, at least a 100 people will be affected. That's a significant amount of people, lol.

#random - I dance everyday and i'm not sure if i ever mentioned this but my favorite genre of music is country music. (Again see song below). Country music singers get me.

I need to get my shoe game up. I am embarrassed to say that i only own 15 pairs of shoes. For someone who loves shoes that's such a shame.

I feel that i get judged by my lack. It's never bothered me.

They don't make them like they used to anymore. My question is why? i guess i should direct that to God really. Sometimes i think that i want to go now, so i can ask him all these questions i have, because the questions would have changed by the time i'm old and gray.

I told my mum the world is coming to an end, she said its not possible, she hasn't carried my child yet. I laughed. She's cute.

My ability to be vulnerable, insecure, strong and independent in the space of a minute baffles me.

That stupid idiot girl that said she judges people who studied English, psychology and sociology and called them us, olodos still makes me furious. There are those who think the same way but think, because they didn't say it out themselves are better than she is, let me just let you know you are equally as stupid. If in 2011, you still think any degree, anything really, makes you superior than the next, please enter the nearest lagoon and die. Actually no, don't ruin water for me, just hug a transformer.

Be a friend if you want to be a friend, don't be a two timing son of a bitch. You have to do a lot of hiding and conniving and lying, isn't that shit work? if you know you can't be a true friend (i would define this for you, but its too long) then don't be please.

I have only person in my life, that i cannot seem to forgive and just seeing her name brings up many vile emotions in me. The kicker, she hasn't done anything to me. Not sure when exactly i used her as my source to dump every vile emotion in me, but i can't seem to let it go. Prayer has not worked and i pray about it everyday. God help me.

Ok shower, read for a lil bit and then work on my story. In my mind, its awesome. I hope it reflects on paper. Be back in a couple hours.

This is me - Randy Travis............ My exact words before we ended things. - Lyrics below
Randy Travis - This Is Me: "This Is Me"

Lately I get the feeling there's something you're holding in
How can you be so quiet as close as we've been
Do you think your silence is saying there ain't nothing wrong with you
This is me you're not talking to

This is me
The one who knows you inside out
The one you've leaned on 'til now
Don't you know I'm still here for you
So what do you think you're doing
Who do you thnk you're fooling
This is me you're not talking to

You can run to me no matter what you're running from
If it's something I'm doing
I'll get it undone
Just don't let me be a stranger to what you're going through
This is me you're not talking to

This is me
The one who knows you inside out
The one you've leaned on 'til now
Don't you know I'm still here for you
So what do you think you're doing
Who do you thnk you're fooling
This is me you're not talking to


P.s I love you

20 comments:

  1. wow,
    deep!!!!
    You expose such raw emotions in your posts i relate sometimes
    i love country music too :)

    the ish on twitter isnt about people dissing bloggers, its about a girl that blogged somethings she shouldnt have without caring that she hurt someone.

    have fun on your trip

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  2. Hmmm...What's wrong with those degrees? I have my Bachelors in Psych and i think it's one of the best decisions i've made in my life so far. I learned so much.

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  3. Dancing everyday is good for your mind and body :D

    Adiya
    http://museorigins.blogspot.com (formally the corner shop- had to change my url X_x)
    http://museorigins.com

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  4. Hug transformer? lol ... Cool down na!

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  5. I feel that i get judged by my lack. It's never bothered me.

    --------------------------------------------

    what does "by my lack" mean?

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  6. Very intense and honest post. To be vulnerable is liberating to an extent. It helps you unwind and brings a sense of newness.

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  7. In my undergrad studying something medical, I probably was one of those who thought social science was a fluff course. Here I am, doing an MSc in Anthropology. And I find it aint fluffy one bit. we learn everyday.

    At the rate people are being told to hug transformers i dont think Nepa can keep up with supply oo :) (my attempt to be funny!)
    first time here!

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  8. 15 pairs is a lot...giving my wardrobe a side eye.

    You are invited to fill out this questionnaire. Thank you - http://sicklecellinnigerian.blogspot.com/2011/07/have-your-say.html

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  9. I love this, most importantly i can relate with everything you have said. it doesnt make me feel so weird again.

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  10. i love seeing large bodies of water too..especially when i'm on a road trip..i just have to take a picture. even though i can't swim lol .

    all the best on your exam! i wish you success!!

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  11. "My ability to be vulnerable, insecure, strong and independent in the space of a minute baffles me."

    This is sums up why I respect the person that you are.

    *sigh* The lyrics of this songs are a mirror image of what/how I'm treating sme1 @ the moment, i dnt wanna be that way but...*sigh* it sucks.

    Goodluck with your exams mama! Hugs!!!

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  12. Deep and sincere...and your blog is beautiful

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  13. Piercing on your neck? oh my days, i'ld love to see it

    The blog wars on twitter are really silly and annoying but like you said, good riddance to them and the girl who judges "us" cos of our degrees

    Happy to know you're chilling though, goodluck in your exams and God bless you

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  14. I think everyone is unique. Not in that way that people say to make themselves feel important but in the fact that God made us each with an individual purpose that only we can fulfil.

    And as for the degree thing I hate that. I hate having to explain the importance of my BSc in school of technology or my soon to be MA (by God's grace) in journalism. Abeg there is more to life than lawyers... Lol

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  15. Oh and I can relate to the water thing. The beach is my thing. I can never look at the ocean from the beach and doubt God is real. Never.

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  16. Neefemi i'm upset ohh. I was just about to send you a msg on twitter and I realised I couldn't. Now explain that!!! lol okay except you did that on purpose go and fix it ohh. I will say one thing, I love your new blog! But yeah more to say on the actual post. Coming soon but first go and fix that :)

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  17. Sigh. You echo a lot of my feelings/beliefs in this post. *creepy much*

    Plus, I love you Neefemi (agape love o. haha). You seriously rock. God bless you. That's all i'm going to say.

    Study hard. God is your strength. Amen. *hugs*

    Shadenonconform...

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  18. Never change, dear. Real, honest-to-God bloggers like you are growing extinct by the day. You make me smile, laugh and sigh (sometimes all three at a go) in almost all your posts. I love water too.

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  19. @Laurenta - Thank you dear and oo ok, but then again its her blog still tho and she has the right as bad as it sounds

    @Madamesting - May God bless you o, that's what i said too

    @Adiya - You know this :)

    @Kunle - Lol, pastor but you know some folks deserve it

    @Taynement - Like cos i can't afford the things they can so e.g they don't want to invite me out cos they think it will be too expensive for me.

    @Jaycee - It really does. Thank you

    @Beautiful - Thank you :)

    @Ginger - Lol, at it ain't fluff one bit and you were funny :). I also filled out the questionnaire hope it helped.

    @Anon - I'm really glad. Thank you

    @Eve - Thank you dear

    @Miss Enigma - You make me blush every-time :). I hope things have sorted out now dear. Thank you very much.

    @dayor - Thank you :)

    @dosh - The piercings have been removed o :-(.. Thank you dear and Amen.

    @Journeytoprint - You are quite right on both counts too. Plus you are a girl after my own heart :)

    @Miss Natural - Now that i am back, i can't find you o. Thank you dear.

    @Shade - Love you too dear, God bless you too. and lol, not creepy at all.

    @Etoile - awwww, you made me tear up there. i promise to try. Thank you so much dear :)

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