Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Praise Wednesday - Good Morning.

Hello Everyone, how are you doing? Its a special day for me cos my friend just had a baby girl. I'm so happy for her. I want a baby too. A baby boy tho. But this is not why we are here.

I only have one song for you this morning and i hope it makes you smile like it made me smile when i heard it yesterday.

I'm not particularly a morning person, some days i'm extra hyper, some days i just don't get why i have to be up anytime before noon. But i'm always grateful for the miracle of sleeping and waking up. I've said this before, for me when i'm sad and out i usually just want to go to bed, cos i know if God is gracious enough for me to wake up then things are going to be A- Ok. It means that there is joy and hope and new blessings. It means that God will give me the strength to fight whatever comes my way and i will be victorious. So yes the only solution to all my problems really is sleep - cos with a renewed mind, comes renewed energy, motivation and focus.

May God continue to see us through.

Mandisa ft Toby Mac - Good Morning

P.S I Love You

Monday, August 29, 2011

Music Monday - Love

I'm not sure why i picked that topic other than the fact that i'm listening to Praiz's new song "I Love You". I've been in awe of his voice ever since Nems introduced him to me, and i'm happy he is doing well now and i wish him loads of success. Check out his new song below.

Lets random shall we?

I have loved. I don't want a repeat performance again. All the love i have left is for my unborn kids.

I survived an earthquake, a hurricane and a tropical storm. Whoop Whoop!! Lol. I actually felt quite loved tho, cos everyone checked on me. Thank you all very much.

I still expect the ex to check on me. Weird. It was what, a year? How are people who were together for like 5yrs, 10yrs, able to stop speaking to each other, caring for each other, checking on each other? and i don't even care how much you all hurt each other or were bad for each other. Honestly not ever going through this again that much i can tell you and i'll still be very happy in life.

Oyinbo aka baby sister is here with me. The girl is hilarious and makes me feel quite young. She's such an amazing dancer, i'm thinking of sending a video of her in for So You Think You Can Dance next's season. We checked out Julliard but she needed to be have been trained for a minimum of 3yrs and she has no formal training. Imma make her get a first degree, but i can bet with my life that a degree is not her path to success.

I couldn't even get a job in McDonalds now if i tried. A masters degree holder who can't get any kind of job. Sigh. Not sure why i'm in school. Not sure what my reason for life is, but i continue to wake up so there has to be a reason innit?

School starts on Thursday. First time in my life i am not excited. Shrugs.

Britney Spears is an Icon. Argue all you want but that girl paid a heavy price for the industry and i just hope she's really happy.

Beyonce and Jay have become the new Will and Jada. As seen on twitter just now "Beyonce was raised right. She was friends with Jay-Z, then dated Jay-Z, then married Jay-Z and is now pregnant by Jay-Z. In that order #CLASS". Lol, i really cannot deal. Folks slay me.

My mummy is awesome. I hope she's happy.

My uncle totally cock-blocked me at his brother's wedding and he is happy about it too. Lol, so i tell his brother i.e. the one who got married and he goes "when they don't want to die", meanwhile he has told me by my birthday i must be talking to someone. Lol. This will not be happening, because my birthday is in two months. Maybe next year and even that is highly suspect. Its a choice.

Every time i envision myself in a relationship, its a long distance relationship. Do you see that this is a curse?

I am excited to be 25. I will be at Disney World for my birthday being a princess on said day. God willing.

I am so sad that people think the killings in Nigeria is something to do with being Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa or even Muslim and Christian. We keep laughing about this, but this is not the time to be divided. A bunch of people have been brain washed and with their debased minds are killing innocent people. We need to stand up against this and not let these people destroy our great country. I pray for peace and unity in Nigeria.

Why do we hate ourselves though? i see what happens on twitter and blogs, the insults, curses, fights and i wonder how it got this bad.

A friend messed up and rather than say sorry, he reached out in other ways. It took me almost a month to realize though that was his way of saying sorry and i needed to accept that. For one, i would have continued fighting with myself and i would have continued missing my friend. I think we need to remember sometimes that everybody deals differently, so we have to be understanding. You also have to know when to call a friend out on his or her foolishness and demand the Sorry. A lot of times friends don't even know they have hurt you. - Things i have learnt from having way too many male friends.

We are not often very gracious as humans and i think i can understand that because its kinda of a hard concept to grasp. Its very abstract in nature. I'm learning to be gracious.

I'm not a jealous person. I really thank God for this.

I like that blogsville has introduced me to some really great future authors. Makes me proud.

O so a friend told my best-friend that cos i wore a Gele on my formal dress i was more of a wifey material than she was even tho both our dresses were scandalous. Lol, moral of the story? - Gele's rock.

The Help - The movie - SUCKED. Omg i was so disappointed considering how much i loved the book. It broke my heart and its still number one at the box office. Smh.

Pick up a book tho. Really. Books are awesome. I need to start reading more like self-help, non-fiction and kinds books that will help my growth, i stay reading novels.

YouTube is such a great platform. I love how they are making kids dreams come true. YouTube >> Google.

Nways i think that's it. Sorry for being a bore, kinda out of it today, but its nothing a good nights sleep can't cure. That's the miracle of mornings, it brings with it new joys.

On to the music shall we?

Praiz - I Love You

Sam Tsui - If I Die Young - So my sister told me i had to listen to this cover and i'm so glad i listened to her cos this boy's voice SLAYS. I'm in love.

David Guetta ft Sia - Titanium ... Sia's voice is soooo amazing

Amy Winehouse -Valerie ...Bruno Mars reminded me how much i liked this song. RIP

Amy Winehouse - Love is a losing game - Enough said no

Enya - May it Be - This just makes me think of my brother. Very Angelic


Friday, August 26, 2011

Blithed Roses….Nick

He was hardly unnoticeable at 6ft 8in, a towering empowering hunk of a man, but he was very sure she had been unaware that anyone else was with her in the elevator, even though they rode the entire 12 floors down together. Nick knew a lot about being oblivious to surroundings. He was often lost so deep in thought, sometimes for hours, especially when he was thinking up a concept for a new book so he did not begrudge her that.

In fact, one of the reasons he had noticed her was seeing his very first work of fiction “Secret Haven” in her bag. Nick had tried to catch her eyes to ask her if she had read the book and enjoyed it without revealing to her that he was the author of course, but she had barely glanced up when she got in on the 12th floor and just that tiny moment when he had looked into her eyes had him hoping for a lifetime with her.

The exaggerated feeling, exaggerated because hoping for a lifetime with someone after a brief eye contact was the stuff that made tons of people millions in Hollywood and put others on the New York Times Best Seller List, not what happened in real life and was an improbable feeling in his opinion. At 35years of age, Nick had ‘seen’ enough of life to know that there are many layers to a person, and when you bring two humans together, it took a lot more than what one felt to unravel the layers of each other enough to want to spend a lifetime together. He was no cynic however, neither had he been ‘burnt’ he was just a realist, an author who saw life in black and white with no shades of gray.

Like Nick often did, he would fly to the state that was to be the setting of his latest book, which was why he was in California. He had never been here before and it appeared to have been the best decision he made in recent times, second only to him quitting his job as an architect to become a writer. His mind was telling him that he could do without the distractions; he also had not been in a serious relationship in the past 10yrs. His eyes however had gone on to undress her, lingering on her apple bottoms, referring to more than just the jeans she wore. He noticed the details; her hair, her fingers, her eyebrows, and he could tell that she took very good care of herself, right down to her toes.

Nick watched her as she walked through the giant revolving doors of the hotel. He thought of how many times the women in his life had called him lazy, how he never ‘chased’ them, he never came ‘after’ them and he wondered if he would regret not stopping her to at least get her name. He could live with the regrets though, but he knew better than to have gone after her today. He was an observant man and he knew she was in no mood to talk, so he went about his day. He had a full day of tourist things planned and he had been looking forward to it.

The first thing he did when he got back in was take a quick shower and head to the pool, situated right in the middle of the hotel. It was the perfect time too, 'cause it was devoid of anyone, especially the ton of kids he had seen there in the morning. He came up for air at the end of the Olympic size pool his second time around when he saw that there was someone else in the pool.  He did not believe much in coincidences, this was an opportunity; an opportunity he was bound by all that was holy to take advantage of. He watched her from the corner of his eyes for a while and saw that she was not a confident swimmer, not able to go the full length of the pool without stopping once or twice, and always staying by the side where she could reach out for the rails. He swam up and waited for her to come out of the pool.

“Hi my name is Nick” he started to say but she interrupted him in the most beautiful voice he had heard in a while.

“Nick Downey, 35th most eligible bachelor in America, same as your age, except of course you lied, yes I know who you are”

“You will get to know, that I do not lie” He retorted.

“That was your first lie” she said.

“You are quite right, what is true however is that you are a shitty swimmer and I could help you, but I would like to know your name”

“The shitty swimmer’s name is Blythe and I’ve had enough of the water actually, would you like a drink? You can tell me all about your book so I don’t have to actually read it”

“Your room or mine?” He had gone for the shock value since she was being bold.

“I was thinking more of the bar. Meet you there in 15mins.” Her voice even and calm.

His face registered some shock but he continued “I’m going to take that as meet you in 45mins”

“I don’t like to be kept waiting Nick. See you in 15mins.” And with that Blythe walked away.

Again Nick was left staring at her very ample bottoms. The exaggerated feelings had returned in full force.

To be continued…..

Read Part 1 - Here
Read Part 2 - Here
Read Part 3 - Here
Read Part 4 - Here
Hello guys, let me know what you think. I struggled with introducing a new character but I hope I did ok. Enjoy.


P.P.S I need a name for the story o. Any ideas?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Praise Wednesday

How are you?

I never stop asking this question. Its a very important question to me. Lucidlilith in her recent post said a lot of people ask this question, but never really want to hear your honest answer. She is absolutely right about that. Miss Taynement hates this question and yet i continue to ask, and when i know she's just going to say "fine" i go further and i ask "how are you really?"

I ask this question because i hope that you will talk to me and tell me whats going on in your life, cos then the next time i talk to you after you've told me everything, i want to be able to ask specific questions like; how is school? how is work? How is that business idea? How are your siblings? How's mumsy/popsy's health? How is your best friend? How is your marriage? How are the kids?.

It is with that in mind that i just want to pray on here today, for some people who have shared their lives with me, for others who by reading their blogs i know what they are going through, and for all of us as a community. Please join me in saying Amen and continue to pray, pray without ceasing and God will answer our prayers in Jesus Name.

I pray for those waiting on God for a life's partner. I know its not been easy, seeing those around you getting married, and its also not been easy hearing of failed relationships and marriages and wondering if you won't end up the same way. I pray that God will make your dreams come true, and give you the partner that you deserve, that will love you and cherish you, the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh and you will live long and happy together in Jesus Name.

I pray for those whose parents are dealing with one health issue or the other. We believe in the report of the Lord and the Lords report is that they are healed. They will live to see the Glory of the Lord, they will live to see you marry and see your children. Their lives shall not be cut short, the Lord will touch every prostrate, every breast, every kidney, every tissue, every lung, every bone in Jesus Name.

I pray for marriages today. The Lord said a man and a woman will come together and they shall be one and no one shall put them asunder. The Lord will restore your marriage, the Lord will bring back joy in your marriage, your testimony will change, your tears will cease and your marriage will be the example others look up to in Jesus Name.

I pray for those who are students. School will no longer be hard for you. School will become easy for you, Wisdom, knowledge and understanding beyond your years will be your portion. You will not drop out and you will graduate in Jesus Name.

I pray for those who are struggling with your identity. We as humans have no answer, we know what the bible says and sometimes that's hard to understand but i pray that whatever be the case, God will give you peace and happiness, because that's what God wants for each and every one of us. God is a merciful God and i pray he leads you in the right way.

I pray for those going through financial hardship, that even though the economy is in a downfall, your pocket will never run dry. God will provide for you and open new doors for you. You will prosper and be bountiful. The Lord will provide for all your needs according to his riches in Glory and you will never lack in Jesus Name.

I pray for family dynamics to be changed. I pray for there to be peace in our homes. I pray for us individually and as a community, may the Good Lord continue to protect us, protect our family and friends. I pray for good health and i pray for an accident free rest of the year and we will all see the year 2012 together in Jesus Name.


I'm stealing the song from T.Notes blog cos its so apt for this post. Enjoy

I'm sorry its late and that i missed my Friday and Monday post, i was out of town for my uncle's wedding and i tried but did not have time to ever finish the posts. I promise to prepare better for next time i know i'm going to be busy/out of town.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Praise Wednesday - 70 x 7

At what point do you say enough is enough? At what point do you say its ok to be righteously angry because people are hurting you in one way or the other? At what point do you think, i'm leaving God out of it, this is a man made issue and should be dealt as such. The way i understand the bible, its NEVER. 70 x 7 times, you are supposed to turn the other cheek. For me that's always been hard and continues to be so, like i mentioned in my last post, somebody said some hurtful things to somebody who told a relation/cousin/friend/brother of mine and this was not the first time. I was so upset, this person has smiled with me, shared coffee with me and i wondered what i did to deserve that. It was everything in me not to call everyone involved and curse them out. 70 x 7, was what i heard that day.

I think its important to remember that in our lives. To let things go, and not always get caught up with things. My ex said people always talk, and i was so upset at his response and him, it wasn't what i wanted him to say, i also don't believe that to be right, but it happens to be true. Furthermore, you won't always get an apology for the bad things that people do to you/say about you, and sometimes still you might still have to continue to work with them, or have to be around them. Let me also tell you, that sometimes these same people, will make you feel like its your fault that they can do that to you, that well you are just insecure, that well you put yourself out there like that so its fair game, what did you expect? They will try to make you feel worthless. I think its important to let things go, as soon as humanly possible of course, because one hatred is a terrible thing to let fester and two it takes your focus from God. 

Harder said than done right? i was reminded again about this yesterday. The first two songs talk about just that, please really listen to what it says. The first one especially talks about him getting mad while he was driving. I have major road rage, omg. The only time you hear me every scream/curse is while i'm driving. I am liable to kill on the road. And in the song he talks about taking a step back to see that he could have died over lane changing. That got to me, and i hope it sticks with me to remember that its all not worth it, if its not for the Glory of God. The Third song also talks about the Peace that only God can give, and if you don't let go of the anger and the hurt and you don't focus on God and remain joyful, then you cannot receive the peace of God.

J.Moss - Let it Go - Stop all of the fighting, stop all of the cursing, stop all of the screaming.

J. Moss - Don't Let It - Don't let it steal your joy

Laura Story - Perfect Peace- In this time of trial, pain that no one sees, trust me when i say, that i will give you Perfect Peace.

This song i wanted to talk about. I heard it on the radio on my way to church and it stuck in a way i can't explain and shout out to Google, cos i just typed in the line i remembered and i found it. The song says "what if your healings come through tears, what if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you are near, what if the trials of this life are your mercies in disguise". As a fledgling christian, this is a VERY hard concept to grab. Why won't God just bless us, why have us go through trials to show his mercy? I can't explain it/why, i just know that i get it and if any of you can please explain it i would appreciate it. But i just thought that there is someone else like me who needs to hear this today.

Laura Story - Blessings

Nways that's it. I hope this touches at least one person today, i will be very happy with just one person.
God Bless you and make his face to shine upon you. I pray he meets you at the point of your need and touches you in a new way and in any way you are heart broken/ in pain and in need of healing, the Lord will heal you and will give you the kind of happiness people spend their whole lives searching for. AMEN.

P.S I Love You

Monday, August 15, 2011

Music Monday - Ups and Down

Hi Guys, how are you doing? I was hoping to come here screaming/testifying that they called, and i got my dream job/fellowship position but its 6pm and no call, so moving on with my life, which involves dancing even as i type to Pakuromo (JAM). Mi o le wa pa ara mi - I cannot die.

Its hard tho guys. I can't even lie. Earlier today, i cried cos one of my best friends - i need to tell you guys this story cos we have never actually met face to face and we have a business together and everything, but that's for later. Nways, he's given up, he's tired, resigned and lost faith and it made me cry. Cos i understand, i've been there sooooo many times. Right now i'm there, do you know how hard it is to be the girl that is perpetually broke, relies for others for everything, can't find a job, car is broken down, can't go get her glasses even though its ready cos i have no money and dumped (just had to add that, lol)? No, you can't if you haven't been through it and if you saw me now, you will never see it, and without saying it you can't tell. I'm good like that :-). Its hard and sometimes i hurt deep in my soul, but God has never let me down. Never.

He said something today, that made me have renewed faith all on my own. He said "Nothing has changed in four years, not expecting much in the next couple months". You see that's where he's wrong because in what might seem like a sick joke, God always comes through at the very last minute. At least for me, that much i can testify about. So i'm expectant i guess, i believe in a God that does what's good for me and will do what's good for you Ayo. He will show up on your behalf, i believe that. Like my mummy will say "Eyi to da, ni Olorun ma se."

It occurred to me, that for someone else they might have looked at this opportunity. I get to "run" the business, it's a lie. I'm terrified. I wanted to tell him i can't do it. So you see that my prayer, benefits me as well (i know, selfish right?). I've never wanted to be in charge. I like love being behind the scenes, i like to make others look good. It gives me too much pleasure. I'm a fixer like Miss TayneMent calls me, i see a problem and i come up with a bunch of solutions, i want you to be pro-active about things, deal with possible problems that could arise and all that. I mentally went through my relationships,and i see how i stayed doing that, like that was my only contribution to the relationship, but hey i can confidently say that i made them all better. #NoBragging. Lol.

I realized something the other day, that if a guy truly cares for you, he will protect you and your name. I mean he would think so far ahead that "yo, if this shit got to her even ten years from now, it would hurt her so i better keep this shit to myself". That's what i think and its hard for me to reconcile this, with what i saw, felt and thought. I'm sure i will rationalize it somehow.

I'm afraid i might be anorexic and i'm not trying to be dramatic, but I've been at home for weeks now and I've never eaten more than once a day. Like i haven't eaten yet today. I just don't get it. Meanwhile i'm excited about going to Houston, to go cook for the best friend.

Which reminds me, PLEASE LEAVE MY NAME OUT YOUR MOUTH. Thank you very much. I hate pretenders, i hate fake people, jeez and people that pretend to be your friends due to your connections and all that slay me. Amassing friends like its a new top you buy everyday, just so you can say you know all the so called "in" people is not the way, i mean where's your dignity? Telling your so-called best friends most intimate details to strangers is the most egregious offense in the whole world to me,  i mean why, just so you can prove how important you are in his life? Like seriously. Friendship means so much to me, i can't even tell you how much i value it, and this is me with a lot of friends who i have never actually seen and we talk everyday. And i should not even go in, on people pretending to be best-friends with different sex species, when you are clearly in love with the person, its downright shameful. Anyway's I've been offended and ordinarily i would deal with asap, and insult everybody involved but i'm tired and really there are more important things and if there's anything i believe in, its never fighting for your relevance, to the people that matter, you are relevant.

I AM NEVER DOING BRAIDS AGAIN!!! Mark the date down, cos what's worse than actually sitting down to do it, is having to take it out. Sigh, still not done.

So i read here, about some so called Nigerian Task Force, picking up women on the road, labeling them as prostitutes because they are out after midnight in Abuja. First off, i wish a nigga would, i really do but they say be careful what you wish for, so maybe not. But secondly, what are we going to do about Nigeria guys? This is really taking the piss, i really want to go home and change it, but i even feel dejected and i'm not there yet. Sigh.

I have so many un-released/un-finished songs. If only Nigerian blogs paid for leaks, i will be balling guys. Lol.

O, you guys are so mean, i thought you would be sympathetic towards Drake, and you all wanted to kill him. I felt bad for him, as i was writing it, you guys are tough.

Nways guys i talk too much, i swear i never know what i want to write until i come here and it all comes tumbling out. Since i'm feeling sexy and in the mood to dance, here are some bad songs for you. Enjoy.

Ace Hood ft Chris Brown - Body to Body ....You should see me dance to this. Wicked!

Ray J ft Rico Love - Bananas - This song is too bad for my virgin ears, but i LOVE it.
"My sex is bananas, and you like eating fruit"

Diddy Dirty Money ft Trey Songz & Rick Ross -Your Love .....TUNE!!!!

As a bonus and not bad, but cos i was impressed with Justin Bieber and because Chris Brown Rules still.
Chris Brown ft Justin Bieber

See you on Wednesday.
P.S I Love You

Friday, August 12, 2011

Blithed Roses - Drake II

One foolish mistake and he was going to have to live with his pile of  regrets for the rest of his life, Drake thought, as he sat quietly in his office the next day after seeing Blythe. He had felt a lot of things in his 32 years, but the humiliation had stung as she walked away, the icy look she gave him, the focus of his dreams that night.
She had been in his dreams numerous times before, enough to make him afraid that he would wake up with her name on his lips, while Lisa lay beside him. His mind drifted on to Lisa, the conflicted feelings he felt rising up again. He cowardly blamed her for his unhappiness, the love he felt for her always a justified feeling.
One giant mistake, all because he had wanted to tick something off his list, all because he had wanted to be able to say “I told you so”. The events began to replay in his head, again. He had been at home with Blythe, watching one of those cheesy TV shows she constantly made him watch, when his phone rang.
“Hey babe, how are you doing?” There was only one girl he called babe, other than Blythe.
“Please, please, come out with me tonight. I need a plus one, I can’t be the only single girl out there tonight”
“Lisa, you know I hate these kinds of things. Bunch of people making small talk all night long. That’s not my scene. Besides, Blythe is over tonight”. She was talking about the annual summer soiree, her PR/Advertising company put together every year, she had told him about it last week and he declined then, she was meant to get someone else, but he was guessing that fell through.
Lisa was a pretty girl, with model like features, tall and slim, high cheekbones and a generous smile that was always plastered on her face by default, she had the ability to turn heads. She was also very smart, and commanded your attention when she spoke. She had absolutely no problems getting men, she just had problems keeping them. Drake, could not figure out why. He had introduced her to some of his friends, and they would be together for months, the longest was a year. Out of the blue, they would be over, always her doing the break up, never the other way around, leaving the men confused.
“Please Drake, I really need this. I will owe you for life, plus I’m a little tipsy right now, and I need you to make sure I don’t do anything stupid tonight.”
“Are you ok Lisa, what’s going on? Why are you tipsy at 9pm? Something happen at work?”
“Its nothing Drake, please just come through tonight”
“I can’t Lisa, I am so sorry. It won’t be fair to Blythe. Why don’t you just sit this one out, they won’t miss you too much”
“Ok, thanks Drake. Talk to you soon”
Blythe looked up at him, when he hung up the phone. “Are you sure babe? I know she’s your best friend, it’s just that we talked about spending tonight together.”
“Yea babe, I’m not sorry I’m not going, but I am worried about her, Lisa never drinks, much less get tipsy, I hope nothing has happened she just doesn’t want to tell me about.
“Then you should go, go be with her for a couple hours, just come back home early, so I can sleep in your arms tonight” She said, kissing him long and hard.
He pulled her closer to him “I could just stay and show you just how awesome you are” he said, lifting her to sit on him, then kissing her again, this time in control.
Taking in a breath, several minutes later, “I would like that, but I know you’ll be worried, so hurry up and go get dressed, I’ll let her know you are on your way”.
So he had gone to pick up Lisa, bought her a cup of coffee and taken her to the event as promised. But there was an after party that Lisa really wanted to go to, and he really didn’t want to leave her alone, so he went along. His first mistake.
When he took her home that night, he went in, so they could talk. She went in to go get changed, while he rummaged her fridge for something to snack on, he was ravished. He hadn’t noticed her come up, until he closed the fridge, clad only in a little tank top and some fuzzy boy shorts. She was looking great, not like he had never noticed, but he had always respected that they were friends, even when his friends had teased and accused him of having “smashed” that. He never had, and he hadn’t wanted to for a long time.
So he was surprised and shocked, when she came on to him and kissed him.
“What are you doing, Lisa?”
“Shhhh, don’t tell me you have never thought about it. We are still going to be friends, let’s just have this one night”
He couldn’t doubt the logic at that time, and in retrospect he knew it was just his ego that got the better of him. The need to know, the need to be able to say that he had indeed smashed that. The shameful thing, the thing that had kept him up at night, was that he never even thought of Blythe. Not until afterwards, not until he had realized just what he had done.
3months later, the day after his 5th year anniversary, was when he had gotten the dreaded call. Lisa was pregnant, with his child. He had laughed in her face. “That’s not possible hon, I have a very low sperm count, the chances of me fathering a child is one to a million”. But it turned out to be true, a DNA test confirmed it. His world had turned upside down.
How could he tell Blythe, she would never forgive him. She had wanted his child so much, talked about it constantly; how she couldn’t wait till she was done with her degree so she could spend the rest of her time, making love to him. She was sure that he would be a father, even knowing that it was almost impossible, she told him he would make a great father.
So he did the only thing he thought he could do and broke up with her, rather than face her tears when he told her the truth. He was sure, he had made the right decision. He had made the decision to be with Lisa too, because he could not have a kid of his growing up without a father, especially his only child. The child he will never get to see or hold in his arms. Lisa had miscarried, two months later.
His eyes felt a little damp now, he had lost so much it seemed. That’s why he wanted to talk to her, he needed her forgiveness. He needed to tell her, the words he had rehearsed over and over again, when he thought of seeing her. He said the words again, as he had whispered it to her, as she walked away.
“I’m so sorry”.
Read Part 1 - here
Read Part 2  - here
Read Part 3 - here
Hi guys, didn’t want to post it up too early since I had posted something last night. Its so sad isn’t it? I hope you like it. Let me know what you think.
P.S I Love You

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Magic Number 61.

I think it was my friend Miss Adun that had told me to add to my reading list "The Help" just before i started seeing the trailer for the movie on Tv. I didn't get around to it on time, i wasn't ready to part with ten dollars to get it on Kindle. 2 weeks ago, i go to school and there it was for free, ope o, i was elated. Still i didn't get around to reading it until today.

I tweeted this earlier : "The Help goes on my list of favorite books ever & I'm not even halfway through. Omg I'm laughing & crying & howling with every page". I also tweeted this: "I wanna be a writer someday when I grow up. I hope I'm this amazing"

Well fast forward a couple hours later and i'm reading everything yahoo, like i always do and i peep the following headline "Kathryn Stockett's 'The Help' Turned Down 60 Times Before Becoming a Best Seller". 

60 times. Can you imagine it guys? 60 times. Of course she's amazing, this is the kinda stuff that makes for an amazing writer. Its a lie, me i would have given up by the 10th time. My heart is too fragile. Its everything in me right now, to not freak out and be depressed and in tears all day just waiting for this folks to call me back and say yay or nay.

So i just had to copy and paste and have you guys read this yourself and know that persistence pays off, be patient and work on your dreams. I will tell you to go on about your other business o, because it sounds like her husband was well off and could take care of them so no wahala. If you are like me with no source of income, you obviously cannot be stuck on just one thing all together, but never let go of it, continue to work on it while you are working that odd job and i pray God sees us through.

Read excerpt below:

If you ask my husband my best trait, he’ll smile and say, “She never gives up.” But if you ask him my worst trait, he’ll get a funny tic in his cheek, narrow his eyes and hiss, “She. Never. Gives. Up.”

It took me a year and a half to write my earliest version of The Help. I’d told most of my friends and family what I was working on. Why not? We are compelled to talk about our passions. When I’d polished my story, I announced it was done and mailed it to a literary agent.

Six weeks later, I received a rejection letter from the agent, stating, “Story did not sustain my interest.” I was thrilled! I called my friends and told them I’d gotten my first rejection! Right away, I went back to editing. I was sure I could make the story tenser, more riveting, better.

A few months later, I sent it to a few more agents. And received a few more rejections. Well, more like 15. I was a little less giddy this time, but I kept my chin up. “Maybe the next book will be the one,” a friend said. Next book? I wasn’t about to move on to the next one just because of a few stupid letters. I wanted to write this book.

A year and a half later, I opened my 40th rejection: “There is no market for this kind of tiring writing.” That one finally made me cry. “You have so much resolve, Kathryn,” a friend said to me. “How do you keep yourself from feeling like this has been just a huge waste of your time?”

That was a hard weekend. I spent it in pajamas, slothing around that racetrack of self-pity—you know the one, from sofa to chair to bed to refrigerator, starting over again on the sofa. But I couldn’t let go of The Help. Call it tenacity, call it resolve or call it what my husband calls it: stubbornness.

After rejection number 40, I started lying to my friends about what I did on the weekends. They were amazed by how many times a person could repaint her apartment. The truth was, I was embarrassed for my friends and family to know I was still working on the same story, the one nobody apparently wanted to read.

Sometimes I’d go to literary conferences, just to be around other writers trying to get published. I’d inevitably meet some successful writer who’d tell me, “Just keep at it. I received 14 rejections before I finally got an agent. Fourteen. How many have you gotten?”

By rejection number 45, I was truly neurotic. It was all I could think about—revising the book, making it better, getting an agent, getting it published. I insisted on rewriting the last chapter an hour before I was due at the hospital to give birth to my daughter. I would not go to the hospital until I’d typed The End. I was still poring over my research in my hospital room when the nurse looked at me like I wasn’t human and said in a New Jersey accent, “Put the book down, you nut job—you’re crowning.”

It got worse. I started lying to my husband. It was as if I were having an affair—with 10 black maids and a skinny white girl. After my daughter was born, I began sneaking off to hotels on the weekends to get in a few hours of writing. I’m off to the Poconos! Off on a girls’ weekend! I’d say. Meanwhile, I’d be at the Comfort Inn around the corner. It was an awful way to act, but—for God’s sake—I could not make myself give up.

In the end, I received 60 rejections forThe Help. But letter number 61 was the one that accepted me. After my five years of writing and three and a half years of rejection, an agent named Susan Ramer took pity on me. What if I had given up at 15? Or 40? Or even 60? Three weeks later, Susan sold The Help to Amy Einhorn Books.

The point is, I can’t tell you how to succeed. But I can tell you how not to: Give in to the shame of being rejected and put your manuscript—or painting, song, voice, dance moves, [insert passion here]—in the coffin that is your bedside drawer and close it for good. I guarantee you that it won’t take you anywhere. Or you could do what this writer did: Give in to your obsession instead.

And if your friends make fun of you for chasing your dream, remember—just lie.

The article was written by Kathryn Stockett.


I think the movie will be amazing as well. I cannot wait to finish the book and i'm going to see the movie with the best friend next week.

See you guys tomorrow. After you have read Franque's post on 360Nobs of course. That dude can tell a tale. 

P.S I Love You

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Praise Wednesday

Hi Guys, how are you doing? First Praise Wednesday, whoop whoop!!!! I know you guys are not as excited as i am, and are only looking forward to Friday. Isss okay, i understand :). I am glad you guys like though, i am truly honored. I replied every single comment for the past two months this morning, you guys made me smile, laugh and cry. You guys make sense all the time, you are not afraid to correct me or tell me the truth. I really and truly appreciate you all.

On to the post then...

I struggle with sin a lot, partly because i'm the kind of person like i said who is very aware of her misgivings. Like when i lie, i feel like i have committed murder, much more the big things. Like when i tell God, i will never have sex again and the next week i had. For someone like me, its hard to ever feel like, God is going to forgive me, like no matter how repentant i am, he can see that for one i enjoyed the sex, so how can he forgive me? Like i often think, that's why God has not done this for me, or that breakthrough he promised, he won't do it, because i have sinned yet again. Isiah 59 vs 2, says "But your sins have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear".

But because the Lord our God has infinite love for us, i read on a blog yesterday that he loves as much as he loves Jesus, all he asks is that we come back to him, confess our sins and we start with a new slate. Don't run away from him cos you think your sin is so great. James 1 vs 15 says "Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death". That tells us that we don't have to let our sin be full blown. The wages of sin is death, only if we let it be full blown, so we must confess our sins to God and be repentant and work on not committing that sin over and over again. Matthew 9 vs 6 - tells us that "God has the authority to forgive sins' so rest assure in that.

Our sins, won't nullify the word of God, though it may delay it, but the word says his plans for you are to give you a good and expected end. It also says in Romans 11:29 "For God's gift and his call can never be withdrawn", his word his ye and Amen, so that which he has proposed on your life will surely come to pass, because his word can never go back to him void.

I'm trying to learn this a lot in my life, and i just thot i will share. It might help someone today. May God have mercy on us, but more importantly help us and give us the strength to overcome temptations, like he did. Amen.

A heart like yours - Cece Winans

Who am I - Casting Crowns

RIP Kona - You will never be forgotten.

That's it guys.... See you on Friday.

P.S I Love You

Monday, August 8, 2011

Music Monday Returns…

Hi guys, how are you doing? Hope your weekend went well. I went to the Alexander McQueen exhibition in New York yesterday and I’m not sure if it was worth the more than 3hours standing in line, but it was definitely an experience. His tailored line was ‘FIERCE’ I mean just fierce, and I want so bad. He had only 3 dresses that I liked, and surprisingly they were the most feminine of the lot. The one was made from organza and it was just pretty.

I found that I am just not interested in fashion, I have a very simple style, I like my dresses feminine, but fit, I hate a-lines, I don’t like fluff, but I love colors, I love statement pieces/accessories mostly earrings tho, I love showing off my legs and I can wear heels all day. I think that even when I have the money to afford all I want to, my style won’t change, my clothes and all will just be expensive.

Nways, guys as you see in my title I am bringing back Music Mondays but more than that I want to be consistent on my blog. I feel like I am very undisciplined lately in my life, always passing off things I can do today for tomorrow and I’ve never been that kind of person. I feel like I am no longer dreaming and that’s part of the issue, and I’m just waiting for the next step in my life to happen to me. This can no longer be the case, so I’m starting small i.e. this blog.

On Mondays, will be Music Monday and I am inviting everyone again to be a part of it, including regulars like Miss Taynment and Lohi. My email is to send me a Music Monday Post. This was such a big part of my blog and I just let it go and there is no excuse cos music is still my very first love after Jesus of course.

On Wednesdays, will be our Praise Wednesday, yes I am moving Praise Thursdays a day forward. There I am going to share praise and worship songs, as well as some words that will hopefully inspire, encourage and uplift you. Again you can be a part of it by sending an email, I hope to see Miss Esther continue to be a part of it as well.

On Fridays, will be for now the story until I complete it, and after which I will just use to post whatever I feel like. In the meantime, if I ever do feel like posting anything I will on any of the other days, but I really want to be consistent with this and I hope you guys hold me accountable. Also I know a lot of you read the blog, via a rss feed/Google reader but I have added my tumblr page to the blog. Follow me on there and let me know if you have one so I can do the same. I like Tumblr.

O guys please follow @weplugoodmusic, like us on facebook and join us at the site I do music reviews on there and I’m telling you we have some of the best music out, on there and its not just mainstream stuff. You will discover one great artist, in a range of different genres, trust me. Check out as well. It’s a good look.

Nways let’s get to the Music shall we?….

My favorite song right now – All of the Night

I heard this song the other day and I remembered why I love Janet Jackson – 70’s Love Groove.

This song just makes me happy – Colbie Calliat ft Common – Favorite Song

I can definitely relate to this song, but more importantly this girl can sing. Check out my review of her EP here. Kelly Erez – Letters

O I just discovered this dude, cos I was given his material to review and let me just tell you, he has a very bright future – Cris Cab – Good Girls

Repping from my city Detroit – Big Sean baby - Live this life ft Dream

That’s it guys. Wishing you a fabulous week. Thanks for the comments, the prayers. God bless you all. See you on Wednesday


Thursday, August 4, 2011

Q & A - Get to know me

Two things i've done today, read and write, all day..... ALL DAY.

Hi guys, so i totally, had something else i was going to post today, but i saw this and i decided to do it. You get to know me a lil but more. :). Feel free to join in, if you are so inclined. Just send me a link to let me know that you did it. Thanks.

1. Heterosexual  - I love me a fine fine man.
2. Singing.
3. BB - yea, yea, yea it is what it is.
4. Never been on a first date. Never. At 25 and four boyfriends later, this is a shame.
5. I'm pretty high on self esteem. I think i'm worth a heck of a lot, even i might not be super awesome.
6. Amorighoye.
7. Ken Folliet - The Third Twin
8. Telling me you know i'm going to do you. Lying, Smoking, Smelling, extreme cockiness, flashing wealth.
9. Oye, is pretty awesome. She's my partner and my first true love, before bb, lol. She gets me, she is there for me, she lets me be me, never judges, prays for me, fights for me. God brought her to this world just for me.
10. I have no favorite animal. I do want one of those tiny dogs that never grow tho or a pink rabbit.
11. My siblings and a whole bunch of friends.
12. He said he didn't see the future with me any longer.
13. I saw my advisor about what classes to take next semester. Played Words with friends with Daniel.
14. Not sure that i have achieved anything yet. I guess maybe starting my doctorates. Not sure, really.

15. Liars. cheats and fakes, folks who take advantage of people. Describes a lot of people i know.
16. Wow, that's hard. Just heard Janet Jackson's "70s Love Groove" and i'm in love.
17. He kissed me on my neck, he knows i like that and turned me around and kissed me long and hard and we kissed for a long while. I love to kiss.
18. A good set of teeth and a great smile.
19. Never had a pet.
20. Coffee flavor. i'm addicted to coffee
21. In Paris - Not sure why, but all week, that's what been on my mind. I wish i could be there on a warm summer night like this.
22. That i was a side chic to BB.
23. Ibadan, Lagos, Ondo, Lagos, Ibadan, Michigan, Ohio, Houston.
24. You could get me a ticket out of here. Lol, no, i'll love you if you were not so selfish.
25. I have big plans. To help change the health system in Nigeria, own an orphanage, be a professor, travel the world, adopt plenty kids, be the best manager ever. etc. Big plans.
26. That i caused all of this. That i was too foolish, too naive, i should have left at the first sign, that i'm a failure.
27. I have to go to fedex to do something for the bro. I didn't do it today. And start on the 4 novels i got yesterday.
28. A professor, Minister of Health, a mother, a friend, a sister, a wife (i hope).

29. I never remember the answer to this question. I immediately try to repress embarrassing moments. O wait i remember. When i was much younger, i'm talking 17, i wanted someone to hear what was playing on the radio and i put the phone to the radio and not the speakers and all the boys who were much older btw, laughed at me.
30. That poverty will follow me. God forbid. That i will never truly be happy. God Forbid.
31. Buy my mum a house and my dad too. Set up funds for my siblings education and my children. Buy a house, actually two for me. Repay (for lack of a better term) all who have helped me and a lot much more. Start plans for my orphanage.
32. I like no one. But for the future i would like a man who is tall, has 6 packs, clean shaven, British accent, nice hands, educated and o is White.
33. My nails. OMG, they are gorgeous. See my tumblr page, if you don't believe me. Hmmm, but they probably didn't mean anything physical right? Lol. I love that i do the most, and i love that that wasn't taken away from me despite all I've been through.
34. LIARS. o and Fakes. Selfish people. People who take advantage of people that like them. Bad English.
35. I've not seen a band live, YET. Seen a lot of artists tho, Chris Brown, Fabulous, Ludacris, Chrisette Michelle.... a lot.
36. Lol, this is a repeat question but some of my other best friends are Ayo, Jide, Ife, Jibs, Nems, BJ, Yoms Miss Pearl .... Just one female, you see my life?
37. Out my body, no more than 4. Plus adoptions, no more than 8.
38. Picnic in a park. It seems silly, but i'm shy around guys i like, so this will be ideal for me, cos its casual, not so private and can be so much fun, if he's inventive.
39. A lot of things actually, lol. Cooking though i will say and writing.
40. Probably knowing that my siblings got evicted. A lot of things that seem so huge to me now seem so small and not worthy of being called traumatic.
41. No place but home, Nigeria or maybe Brazil.
42. So many nice things have been said to me, Ife told me i was gorgeous yesterday. He's an ashewo tho.

43. Not really, i want a place of my own but no complaints still. I want to move to NY.
44. Rookie Blue is showing. I love this Show. I picked this over Suits today.
45. My siblings are my life. They are why i'm alive really and we have a pretty great relationship, then again i'm older so they have to LOVE me. lol. My sisters and i were using our bbm statuses to talk to each other the other day and i have spoken to the bro like 4 times today. He locked his key in his car and blames me. :)
46. Lol, what is it with the pets yo? no pets.
47. MONEY!!!! Sigh. And o, getting word back from this folks. God is in control
48. That he would change and be perfect and love me and we will have awesome looking children. Lol. That all my dreams will come true, i will never lack, i will be happy and i will get this position.
49. My mum and i, have a great relationship. I tell her everything and she worries about me more than my siblings. She is pretty awesome, she believes so much in me and my dreams, i love her so much. My dad and i have a very civil relationship, i tell him things only if he asks and i never lie, like he knows about bb. Our relationship used to be so much better too, but i love him still.
50. The only word i can think of about myself is strong, which is ironic, because i hate that people say that a lot about me.
51. That you took advantage of my love and that hurt me more than you'll ever know.
52. From my bro - Where you dey now?
53. That i have small boobs. Lol. The fact that i worry way too much and that i'm not better spiritually.
54. An educated mind. My boy ife will tell you that about me. All you have to do to get my pants off is be able to engage me in conversation for a long time, make me laugh some and that's it. I'm easy.
55. Liars, especially when its against me. O and ignorance, i could kill a nigga when they bring that shit near me.
56. I love school. But of cos, we all hate the long hours that go in with that.

There you go. It actually made me think. Like i swear, i couldn't think of what self esteem meant or insecurities. Lol. I always have to think hard when it comes to talking about myself. Nways will be back soon.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The girl behind the scenes

Hi everyone, how you doing? Its a new month. Whoop, whoop!!!!!!!!. I cannot believe its August already. First, it means i have been in Jersey for 8months, how rad is that? Second, it means i have been single for 4 months, well technically, we were never official so really it should be that I've been single for 3years right? Since Dec 2008. HOW RAD IS THAT? Lol. Third, it means i haven't seen my siblings (well the two that are here) in 5months, so uncool. Fourth, it means that i am only a month away to my second semester in school. My mother loves calling me professor, its kinda cool actually. And o, in Jesus Name, it means that this is the month where i get to give my testimony, and i get to move to NY (story for another time). All in all, its been a Great, yes i said great, as ironic as that sounds, couple of months. There's been so much love, even more hurt, considerable amount of tears, plenty of joy and its all to the Glory of the Lord.

So about my title. I read two posts, one on Madame Sting; which reminds me, guys i read your blogs, almost every single one of you, i just don't comment which i know is really bad considering that i clamor for your comments, so forgive me, but know that i read; and Jon Accuf's. One was about being anonymous and the other was about being a different person on social media. They both inspired this post.

First, i totally get being anonymous and for a while i was, but i've always liked having a face to the name, i'm the kind of person who wants to know your full name, the day you were born and the school you went to at the very least.
With that said i'm the most private open person you will ever meet. You cannot find me on most social media sites, i'm extra protected, not on facebook, not on twitter( o i'm back on there :p), not on linkedln, not google+, nowhere. You cannot google my name(s) (of course you have to know which one i'm using that year and how i spelt it, lol) and my find me in multiple places and trust me i've tried it.
The reason being that i'm not a writer, or an artist, or celebrity where its ok to be that public. I do not want my future employers to be able to find me, i don't want anyone really to be able to find me. So i guess my point is you can be open, without being out there, but if being anonymous works for you, then that's good too. I read on twitter that anonymous bloggers are liars, i strongly disagree, and i hate that people tend to make generic statements like that. Ok that was just my two cents on that.

Second, was being a different person on social media compared to who you are in real life. I am guilty of this. Let me explain though before you twist your noses, lol. On twitter for example, i am a big flirt, you should see me, i work it well, in person i am shy around guys, especially a guy that i like, ask bb, and i have never understood it. I am always talking about being naked and my boobs, and wanting a man, and doing a man, things that i would not have conversations about in person in general.
100% of my conversations are through some technological mode of communication, as you very well know, i don't have a lot of friends around me and even then i tend to be anti-social like i call it, i can be withdrawn, just watching tv, reading a book, or just listening to the person talk. Meanwhile if we were chatting on bb, i will be witty and funny and engaging. This is a flaw of mine, i'm dealing with it.

Another thing i do is talk more on here, than i do in real life. So i could have been crying all day, and i mean like its been the worst day ever, and my best friend calls me and i'm all talking like nothing happened, so then she reads a post and i've bared my soul on here and she gets mad at me. I did that with bb a lot, cos like i said i never liked to share my problems with him, he would call and i would make sure to make the conversation about him (boys like that and i'm an expert at it, lol) so much so, that when one day after we stopped talking he told me that "my blog was part of it" i.e. part of why he dumped me, it took me a while but i understood.
At first i was so upset, he wasn't supposed to be reading he promised me that, and the friends we have in common were also not meant to be telling him what i wrote, plus all i could think about was that i spoke so much about my feelings for him on here, but i never told him (i'm more of a show how you feel kind of girl). Now maybe i'm rationalizing and he just didn't like the fact that i talked about him period, but i think in hindsight i could see how me not talking to him about my feelings/problems and some more of the personal stuff could be a problem, every other thing i wrote on here tho i promise i told him. I can be so superficial when it comes to conversations in person, talk about the inane stuff, talk about you, and music and nothing deep, nothing that tells you where i stand or how i see things. I need to change that, i really do, not sure how, but i need to.

Which brings me to my last point (i swear it will be the last thing i ever write about bb). Like i mentioned earlier, i never talk about my feelings, just don't know how to. My close friends keep saying i need to talk to bb, tell him how i feel, what he did, to leave me alone, like ayo says "he needs to be told about himself". I really cannot, i hate confrontations, arguments, anything of that sorts, i'm quite a sissy. So i tell them, i'll write it, because i'm good at that, i weave such a pretty tale on paper, lol, on paper i tell the truth, nothing but the truth so help me God.
I haven't written it yet, although i suspect i will soon, but more importantly i won't send it to him, first off he won't read it, trust me. Secondly, what is the point? which is why i brought this up in the first place. Why do people write letters to their ex's? For me, writing gives me all the relief i need, whether or not anyone reads it, i say so because i have another blog that only i see where i pour out my emotions(that's where the letter will be). Me "telling him about himself" won't change him and per-adventure (i love this word, lol) that it might, i just don't think its my job to do so, i believe there comes a time in every one's life where they have to be self aware enough to see their wrongs, see how they have hurt someone and then change. I also, don't need to make him feel "guilty" (for lack of a better word) i've said this before and i say it again, he made a choice, he has the right to do so and not to say that he didn't hurt me, didn't take advantage and all that bla bla but shit happens no? O and more importantly i do not want him back (even though i am still in love, its just not enough) and i feel like showing him that will have him thinking otherwise. So my question again to you is why write a letter to your ex, or even tell him/her how you feel after the fact?

Ok that's all for now, i'm going to spend the day at the movies and then go to church. I haven't been out of my house in four days, how rad is that? Lol.

Thank you all for being a part of my life. It means a lot. (see, expressing me feelings, lol)
Bye Bye.