Its hard tho guys. I can't even lie. Earlier today, i cried cos one of my best friends - i need to tell you guys this story cos we have never actually met face to face and we have a business together and everything, but that's for later. Nways, he's given up, he's tired, resigned and lost faith and it made me cry. Cos i understand, i've been there sooooo many times. Right now i'm there, do you know how hard it is to be the girl that is perpetually broke, relies for others for everything, can't find a job, car is broken down, can't go get her glasses even though its ready cos i have no money and dumped (just had to add that, lol)? No, you can't if you haven't been through it and if you saw me now, you will never see it, and without saying it you can't tell. I'm good like that :-). Its hard and sometimes i hurt deep in my soul, but God has never let me down. Never.
He said something today, that made me have renewed faith all on my own. He said "Nothing has changed in four years, not expecting much in the next couple months". You see that's where he's wrong because in what might seem like a sick joke, God always comes through at the very last minute. At least for me, that much i can testify about. So i'm expectant i guess, i believe in a God that does what's good for me and will do what's good for you Ayo. He will show up on your behalf, i believe that. Like my mummy will say "Eyi to da, ni Olorun ma se."
It occurred to me, that for someone else they might have looked at this opportunity. I get to "run" the business, it's a lie. I'm terrified. I wanted to tell him i can't do it. So you see that my prayer, benefits me as well (i know, selfish right?). I've never wanted to be in charge. I
I realized something the other day, that if a guy truly cares for you, he will protect you and your name. I mean he would think so far ahead that "yo, if this shit got to her even ten years from now, it would hurt her so i better keep this shit to myself". That's what i think and its hard for me to reconcile this, with what i saw, felt and thought. I'm sure i will rationalize it somehow.
I'm afraid i might be anorexic and i'm not trying to be dramatic, but I've been at home for weeks now and I've never eaten more than once a day. Like i haven't eaten yet today. I just don't get it. Meanwhile i'm excited about going to Houston, to go cook for the best friend.
Which reminds me, PLEASE LEAVE MY NAME OUT YOUR MOUTH. Thank you very much. I hate pretenders, i hate fake people, jeez and people that pretend to be your friends due to your connections and all that slay me. Amassing friends like its a new top you buy everyday, just so you can say you know all the so called "in" people is not the way, i mean where's your dignity? Telling your so-called best friends most intimate details to strangers is the most egregious offense in the whole world to me, i mean why, just so you can prove how important you are in his life? Like seriously. Friendship means so much to me, i can't even tell you how much i value it, and this is me with a lot of friends who i have never actually seen and we talk everyday. And i should not even go in, on people pretending to be best-friends with different sex species, when you are clearly in love with the person, its downright shameful. Anyway's I've been offended and ordinarily i would deal with asap, and insult everybody involved but i'm tired and really there are more important things and if there's anything i believe in, its never fighting for your relevance, to the people that matter, you are relevant.
I AM NEVER DOING BRAIDS AGAIN!!! Mark the date down, cos what's worse than actually sitting down to do it, is having to take it out. Sigh, still not done.
So i read here, about some so called Nigerian Task Force, picking up women on the road, labeling them as prostitutes because they are out after midnight in Abuja. First off, i wish a nigga would, i really do but they say be careful what you wish for, so maybe not. But secondly, what are we going to do about Nigeria guys? This is really taking the piss, i really want to go home and change it, but i even feel dejected and i'm not there yet. Sigh.
I have so many un-released/un-finished songs. If only Nigerian blogs paid for leaks, i will be balling guys. Lol.
O, you guys are so mean, i thought you would be sympathetic towards Drake, and you all wanted to kill him. I felt bad for him, as i was writing it, you guys are tough.
Nways guys i talk too much, i swear i never know what i want to write until i come here and it all comes tumbling out. Since i'm feeling sexy and in the mood to dance, here are some bad songs for you. Enjoy.
Ace Hood ft Chris Brown - Body to Body ....You should see me dance to this. Wicked!
Ray J ft Rico Love - Bananas - This song is too bad for my virgin ears, but i LOVE it.
"My sex is bananas, and you like eating fruit"
Diddy Dirty Money ft Trey Songz & Rick Ross -Your Love .....TUNE!!!!
As a bonus and not bad, but cos i was impressed with Justin Bieber and because Chris Brown Rules still.
Chris Brown ft Justin Bieber
See you on Wednesday.
P.S I Love You