Sunday, June 26, 2011
I spend more time brushing my teeth than i do in the shower. Ok maybe not exactly but i brush my teeth with a vengeance. When my parents got divorced and my mum would come visit us, the first thing she checked was our mouth and i was always the one she said did not brush properly, especially my tongue. So if i'm not bleeding/choking, i haven't brushed properly. Lol, i know my issues run deep.
I've had some really good times in the process of not having a place to live. Its funny how unguarded i am, and so relaxed i guess because i really have no control of the situation. The one week i went to MD/DC, came back and went to NY (the day i tried weed for the first and last time) and i had maximum fun too, meeting up with friends and all. The next week i went to Summer jam 2011; i saw Lil Wayne,Diddy, Ryan Leslie, Lloyd, Drake, Fabulous, Rick Ross, Chris Brown, Busta Rhymes, Wale, Waka Flocka and the list goes on. I went alone too, yes i am quite a loser like that again not caring where i was sleeping that night.
The next week i slept in a hotel and a motel the next night, guys, whatever you do, DO NOT get a motel. Omygosh i was sure i was going to get some skin disease all because i wanted to save 20bucks, never again. Sneaking in to sleep at a friend's friend's house, because, well i don't know all who reads this blog so i will keep quiet now. Lol. Let's just say, there would have been wahala if i was caught. Sneaking in to sleep at a friend's uncle house and said uncle being on the toilet seat as i walked in to take a shower. Its been an interesting ride.
So the other day the NBA draft was going on in NJ and then the after party in NY. Me that i said i'm looking for Oyinbo guy , i now sat my butt down. You see how much of a loser i am. My friend and i were talking about it that night and she goes "well they are too young really and they always end up leaving the ride and die chic that is with them in the beginning, going on to mention all the NBA guys who have gone on to do so". So maybe i averted something no?
I am a ride and die chic, its never going to change. But she is right most guys don't end up with the ride & die chic. My ex said to me that was why he cheated on me, lol. That was the only way he could think of to get rid of me. I have come to the conclusion that its what scared BB too. So maybe I've only dated cowards (no offense), or i have really done the most and should change my ways. Shrugs.
Which reminds me i had a BB moment the other day, i was not missing him, or even thinking about what we had, just was appreciating our love for Music. You see we were complete opposites on most things, and i have to agree with those who say "opposites attract". The trick is you have to have something that binds and for us that was music, he loved music, although not as much as i did, so i enjoyed making him listen to new music and sending him music and him sending music, and explaining to him why i loved a song/ vice versa so where i used to skip songs that would remind me of him, for the first time i did not, and just laughed at every memory or recalled story. It was fun.
The Nigerian Female team, did not play well at all today. They need to stop eating too much eba. I thought Miss Taraba was quite pretty, didn't see what the big deal was, i do get however that if she does not speak good English and is too represent us on a world wide stage then it is a good enough reason for her to not have been picked. But surely she can be coached before the time comes. And rather than insult the girl, shouldn't we again be talking about the mess that is our education system.
So American Football, doesn't want to come back abi? Mschewww in the mean time Summer TV is not looking soooo bad. Royal Pains, Franklin and Bash, Suits, Unnecessary Roughness, Big C, Hawthorne, Burn Notice, Covert Affais. Plus still reading loads of books. One month left guys. Have i mentioned that eating healthy through all of this is another stress on its own? Omo counting calories is hard. The way i crave weird food and sugar when i'm on my period is making me scared for when i'm pregnant. I pray my cravings are like for broccoli and shrimp etc, things i generally hate but are good for you.
It was my brother's birthday yesterday, even if i were to forget because of old age or something, i would be reminded by the fact that it was the same day the great MJ died. Again, happy birthday Junior, i love you mucho.
O i think i'm just going to settle for this place i saw last week to live in, hopefully its a temporary situation and i can upgrade soon. Please pray for me for a new job, this one ends last day in July, so hoping my phone starts ringing this week.
Nways i think that's about it. Have a good week guys, May the Good Lord Keep us all and meet us at our point of need. Muaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S I Love you
Saturday, June 18, 2011
WADUP THO? I have missed you guys and I really have no excuse except that I still have not found a place and as such I am not stable and was not at peace. Sometimes I wonder how I even am able to smile, but I stay smiling. I have this theory that I get said good morning to/smiled at by random strangers than anybody in this world. No jokes. I really am grateful for the mercy and kindness of strangers. Where I am right now, has been the most comfortable I have been in two months and she had never met me before and took me in like I was a long lost friend. A special shoutout to miss TayneMent. I really will never be able to pay you back, but I pray that somehow, somehow I am able to touch you in a mighty way.
So on Tuesday, I was ready to jump, but then I remembered that I had the number of the church here in Jersey I think will be my main church and I called wailing and he implored me to come to church that night and I went and I have felt so much better since. It’s weird cos I’ve still not prayed/worshipped/read my bible, but I just feel better sha. He (Pastor) strongly believes that I am meant to be great that’s why I am going through this and he said he was happy that I knew God so he knew I won’t do anything stupid. I can’t lie I laughed sha. First off Dear God, can I just be normal and not go through all this, it’s ok not to be great you know. I told him and he said I need to change my attitude. So I am attempting to do so henceforth.
Ok enough with depressing news, on to good news. I am done with Nigerian boys. Yes people I do not care if he is the best thing since ice-cream if he has Nigerian blood in him, even a 1/4 %, I am allergic. Also I found out in 2011, that guys are still blabbing about the fact that they kissed a girl or made out with a girl. I believe they put up billboards when they have sex. I cannot. But guys my question is this, if you are not meant to have sex before marriage, and I never get married does that mean I will be sexless the rest of my life? Have I asked this before? Omo, hmmmm. God dey sha.
Which reminds that I am proud to announce that I have finally let go of BB, in a much shorter time than I thought possible too. I really still love him and all, but I think the letting go part is the most important step in my own recovery and I’m glad. Getting over feeling hurt/used is the next step.
So that’s how July is about to be here and I have not finished my books and I have not learnt Spanish and I haven't applied to jobs. You see how I am such a weist. God have mercy on me. Meanwhile I am sitting down right now getting my hair done. Can somebody say PRIORITIES?
Road rage will not kill me in jersey, say AMEN. New jersey folks are so stingy with the road and the akata in me has threatened to come out one too many times I swear. The one day I was ready to come down and put the fear of God in this woman. In this heat (some days, cos NJ weather is majorly bipolar) the foolishness is not allowed. I am trying to really watch what I say sha, cos I’ve been saying “one of these days somebody will just die” what do you want to bet its me and not the other passenger? So I will never say that again, I shall live to declare the Glory of the Lord.
Ok so this is getting really long and I don’t want to bore you, so I will be back in a few days after I have applied to like 50 jobs. How are you all doing tho? I hope your summer has been great and it is well with you and yours.
Please download Afrofunkydiscosoul here ---> http://bit.ly/l4nrGs, my favorite album out of naija right this moment and it’s so good I am mad that its free. Plus I am hoping to have him as a client, so please guys. Thank you in advance.
Thank you for all your comments, for checking on me, sending me emails, reaching out, still reading the blog. The Lord bless you mightily.
For my very best friend in the world, Amorighoye, God I thank you. Please keep her for me. For great friends, for awesome siblings, the best mother in the world, and my father(yes I added him, lol), I am grateful and appreciative.
Speak to you soon.
P.S I love you
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Was on my way from looking at a place I hoped against all hope will be where I will live. My aunt emailed me to ask that I send her key today, so I thought “Thank you Jesus, you knew ahead and made a way for me”. But as it has come to be in my life so many times over, it was not worth the 1hr 30 min drive there.
The God honest truth is I am tired of this life, but I can’t kill myself. I do wish that it will happen naturally provided I get to go to Heaven sha. But I digress. So nways I kept missing my turns on my way back and I just started aimlessly driving until I finally got it right and as I turned I saw the most beautiful scene, missed the turn to get in and you know I had to make a U-turn to stop.
You see I believe that even if God is not with/in me. God is in the beauty of this earth. Where I am sitting right now, even though I will show you a picture, you cannot marvel at the beauty the same. You also cannot feel it and smell the air. Its gorgeous. As I sit and just marvel at the God that created this place, and marvel at man for having the common sense to preserve this place and as I watch the father teaching his kids how to fish, I just smile through my tears. I honestly have the biggest smile ever.
I am uncertain of so many things in this life, especially why I am here. But I am a certain of a God that is present, and that loves beauty, that took his time to create the things of the earth. That thought of day and night, so that as it the sun sets over the water and trees right now, you can praise him. I cannot seem to pray/sing/worship but right now at this moment I praise him with my tears, with my heart/soul and with my words that I type to you.
I think I’m going to sit here for another hour.
P.s couldn’t post this while I was actually at the park, but I did sit for another hour, cried and listened to Detrick Haddon’s ‘Amen’ till I left which starts by reading Romans 8 vs. 18.
“ I surrender, not my will but yours. I’ll bless you for all of the good and I’ll bless you for all of the bad. Nevertheless say Amen. When troubles comes, say Amen and when troubles go, say Amen, I don’t understand but AMEN”
P.S I LOVE YOU