Sunday, July 31, 2011

Blithed Roses - Blythe II

Blythe woke up, disoriented, head pounding like them 808's and a nasty taste in her mouth. She walked blindly, headed to the bathroom needing to brush her teeth quickly so she could take something for the headache.
"Ouch!!!! What the fuck? Why is there a door here?"

Opening her eyes now, she looked around. Her clothes from the day before were scattered around the otherwise neat hotel room, the door of the mini bar ajar, empty vodka bottles on the side table. Events of the night before flashed rapidly before her eyes, causing her to groan even more. Drake. Drake and Lisa. Lisa, his best friend turned fiancee.

Her bladder reminded her that she had more pressing needs to attend to which she promptly did. Thankfully she always carried with her travel size toiletries, something she had started doing because of how often she would sleep over unexpectedly at Drake's. The cold shower helped her to regroup, calming her body, soothing her headache and lifting her temporarily from the emotional abyss that had overcome her last night.

Clad in just boy shorts, she stood by the now open windows of the hotel room. It was a glorious view of the city, one she could now afford and often took advantage of whenever she was stressed and needed to think. She wondered if anyone could see her from their rooms, or cars as they zoomed by. Definitely the window cleaners could see her in all her glory. Not like she was particularly shy about her body. It had taken her a while; a year with weight watchers and 6 months with a personal trainer, but now she was in love with her body and though she dressed conservatively when she was out, she was always naked at home.

Blythe was a  pretty girl in her own rights, a statement she was convinced was generic for people who were not beautiful, neither were they ugly. 28 years old, she stood regal at 5'6, with perfect smooth caramel skin, and eyes that shone bright and clear when she was happy and was dark as night when she was sad. At 150 pounds, she no longer felt as fleshy as she did 30lbs earlier, now she felt supple yet firm in the areas where it mattered. Her greatest asset, her legs; her worst her less than luscious boobs. Not like she had a butt either, but that was not so noticeable with her child bearing hips.

She could hear her phone vibrating in her bag, but she'll be damned if she picked up. She knew her friends would be worried, she was not the sort to go away without telling at least one person but what she needed to do was get a massage, and go swimming and then finish the book she had had in her bag the entire week - after she woke up. She needed to sleep.

She curled under the duvet, multitude of thoughts in her head, unaware that she was crying until she felt the pillow wet. She gave in to the tears, weeping loudly and holding the pillow tightly, her thoughts now focused on just one thing "Drake". What bothered her, was not knowing why they were apart, why he left her, what she had done to deserve the silence from him.She again recalled the last thing he said to her; "i no longer see a future with you, and you are getting older, i don't want to hold you down, you need to move on and find someone who will love you like you deserve". Who said that after 5years together? on the phone no less. She could not get over how callous and selfish he had been not even having the decency to talk to her face to face. He made the decision on his own, like she didn't matter, like she had never mattered, thinking only of himself. She knew she should never have told him she loved him, men always left after you told them you love them.

She remembered their last day together, their 5th year anniversary, the many ways and places they had made love, how she had told him and showed him that she loved him. That night she had been too happy to sleep, as he snored loudly besides her on the floor. He snored like a heavy duty generator, and at first she could never sleep when he was around, many times going to school the next morning groggy and tired, so much so she refrained from sleeping over during the school week. Eventually tho, she became accustomed to it, finding it hard to sleep on nights she was not with him, it became a lullaby for her, she would fix her mind on the constant droning sound till she was blissfully asleep.

She felt lucky then, she felt lucky that of all the girls Drake could be with he had chosen her unassuming self. She had never understood why she felt that way, but he felt like the star in her otherwise dull life, he brought a certain excitement, a certain liveliness to her life and she loved being with him. He would come home and tell her of his day as an entertainment lawyer, making her sore with laughter talking about one celebrity or the other and she regaled him with stories of the students in her class while she was yet trying to get her doctorates, especially the boys who tried to approach her. She had thought what they had was special, and damn near perfect, everyone thought so. Two people who were polar opposites, who understood each other completely, flaws and all, and he had a lot of them, but so did she.

One week after the anniversary, she had left for a week vacation with the girls, Tina and Simi, friends with whom the hardship of getting their doctorates was one of the many things they had in common. It was the end of the semester, and she had finished grading all student papers as part of her job as the Teaching assistant. She had thought to cancel and spend the vacation with Drake, but he had convinced her to go, told her she needed it as she had not taken a vacation in two years. She would not go cos she could not afford it, even when he offered to pay for it. He called her stubborn, a trait she was not ashamed of.

She could not get a hold of him once during the week she was away, she had been worried but tried not to let it affect her vacation, sometimes he would travel because of a client and would be unreachable so she figured that he had been called unexpectedly. She had been back for about three weeks and all Drake had done was send a handful of texts, he wasn't calling anymore, even the text messages seemed forced. Something was wrong and she knew it but could do nothing about it. So she waited, she tried to be supportive, sometimes one needed to just deal with their own demons, something she could totally understand, having a few of her own demons to deal with herself. She tried to see him, going over a couple times but he was never home.

So when he called that Friday night, exactly a month after their anniversary, she was over-joyed, she had missed him so much, she had missed sharing the details of their life like they always did. His voice was cool, void of the warmth that usually filled his voice.
"Hi baby, i miss you"
"Hi Blythe, i am so sorry. How have you been?"
"I'm ok Drake, i've been worried about you but didn't want to be pushy or a nag. Whats going on? Talk to me"
"I'm so sorry babe, please say you forgive me."
"Of course, you haven't done anything wrong. I know you like to deal with things your way but you can't always shut me out. We are supposed to be in this together. We share issues, we talk to each other, even when i can't help"
"I know Blythe and you mean a lot to me. The thing is i think we are heading in different directions, and i want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy".
"Am i hearing you right Drake? what are you saying? Stop being a coward and say what you want to say without beating around the bush"
"I'm not being a coward, i'm trying to be honest with you here. I don't see the future with you like i could anymore. All those times we talked about being together, starting and raising a family. I just don't see it anymore and i don't want to hold you back anymore"
"You have got to be kidding me Drake, this after 5years together? and this is your reason? You don't see the future??. Who is she and please don't lie to me now"
"No one Blythe, i promise you on everything that we've had together. There is no one, you know how much i care about you"
"Bullshit Drake you can't even say the word after 5years together. I love you, do you know what that means? Its a whole lot different from just caring about someone."

They talked for a couple minutes more after that, she calmed down once it had sunk in, she hated confrontations anyways and she never could understand females who caused a scene when they were being dumped. Like it was not humiliating enough. She remembered every single word he said that day, and that was a shame since it was almost two years to the date.Two years was a long time. She was now a full time Psychology Professor at the community college and still single. He had clearly moved on, she had heard even before she saw him last night. But she had never dreamed that she will see him again. The world is way too small, she thought. Clearly she also needed to move on, she was surprised at how affected she had been by seeing him. One thing she was sure of, she never wanted to speak to him or see him ever again. The other thing she was sure of, she needed to actually move on and not just say it. "Starting today", she proclaimed loudly. First she needed a change of clothes, and a swimsuit.

As she walked out of the hotel, to go to one of the stores that surrounded it, she never noticed the man who rode with her down on the elevator, admiring her as she walked seductively, although he could bet she was very unaware of that fact. They say the eyes are the gateway to one's soul and her eyes told a story he longed to explore.

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Read Part 1 - here
Read Part 2 - here
Hope you like it guys. I want to hear what you think, i see you all reading it, but not saying anything.

P.S Sorry Miss Myne about your hand, hope you feel better. This is me being lazy too comment on your blog.

P.P.S I LOVE YOU

Thursday, July 28, 2011

2am Musings

Y'ellloooo folks. What it do? I woke up from an ill advised nap with a migraine. Excedrin to the rescue as usual but the caffeine content in it always keeps me up. So allow me to enthrall you with the contents of my brain, and hopefully afterwards I can get some shut eye.

Work ends this friday for me. It was just three months but I thank God so much for it. I have payed off last semester's school and now I can register for next semester. I was able to pay off some bills and all that, so I'm really glad. The bad part is you never get a chance to save and now August looms ahead with all the bills and things and its hard not to be afraid, not to worry and to trust God and not be depressed. Someone asked me how I stayed positive, not sure what my answer was but lately for me I sleep(I swear I'm averaging eight hours now) and I wake up remembering that God's mercy is renewed to us every morning.

I often wonder if that was one of Bb's reason for jetting, he didn't want the fnancial burden in his life. I would not blame him.

It was my mother's birthday on tuesday, she turned 51. I thank God everyday for her life and I'm truly blessed to be her daughter. The woman is also simply just gorgeous and I'm actively looking for a man for her.

I am going to buy myself a gorgeous ring when I can afford it. I'm sorry but I cannot deal with the incessant questions.

Ok,the android is kinda annoying to blog with. Ha,this reminds me of something I complained about somewhile back. I want to call it the showoff statement. For example, person sends an email and then goes "ps. Sorry if there are any spelling errors I'm still learning how to use my ipad 2". It makes me laugh and I see it a lot too. With that said now transferring to blackberry. I knew there was a reason for keeping this phone other than bbm. Lol

So how about Don jazzy and the 2k incentive? Anyone of them worth listening to? I'm not a fan of Don Jazzy/ D'banj but I can dig the movement definitely.

So in a way I'm impressed that Wizkid dropped out of school to follow his dreams(Still not sure if this is isn't a rumor, but I'm no longer connected to these things). I think its great that he believes in himself enough to put all the cards on the table and run with it. Still I am such a big propenent for education and I'm kinda mad at his crew for encouraging it.

I love that EME boy - Skales (without question his biggest fan) but my love will cease the day I hear he dropped out of school. Is that cos I don't think he's awesome and so should get an education? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I think he's mega talented and given the right push and backing will head straight to the grammys but I think he can do that and get his education. Some of my most talented friends and artists I work with like Klem, Senavoe, Konnect, Sugarking (forgive the name dropping) all have degrees, infact two of them have masters.

So my interview went well and I hope to hear good news next week. Could really do with some goood news.Thanks for the prayer and support guys.

I honestly don't get it, but I desperately want a baby. I have rationalized (I'm an expert at this btw) that this is because I desperately need to give this love I feel to someone who will reciporocate in kind and give just as much and more the way only a child can give, innocent in all its ways. Thankfully it can't happen, but still I am so ashamed of myself for feeling this way.

Someone called me attention seeking and that really upset and hurt me. It made me wonder if I'm doing all this (blogging) for that. Is it the way I dress, what I tweet or make my bbm status? Have I unconsciously been seeking and living for attention. I hate to think that's me, I hate to think I'm judged in a bad way by others because as foolish as it sounds I pride myself on being as good as possible (whatever that means) and its the only way I want to be seen. I know, I know everyone is going to have their opinion of you good or bad but still I want to know, is it true and if it is, I need to change it. I confess to seeking attention from bb, but I thought that was part of liking someone but from others I don't know.

So about this vintage/thrift shopping.I need to get on that movement asap. The issue is that I hate shopping in of itself. Hoping I get this job and then ill be forced to cos I have no good work clothes.

My brother could easily have been the first born, although I don't think I've done such a bad job of it.

My baby sister aka bold and beautiful is done with her 4th year pre-law next week. She's 19. I am so immensely proud of her and very jealous too.

O so do you think I should change the name of the blog? Diary of an unpaid-intern isn't exactly true any more is it? Although I couldn't even think of any other name but I thought ill mention it to you guys. Its as much mines as it is yours.

Ok let me try, reading a book till I fall asleep. Will put up the 3rd part of the story unfaillingly this weekend. E ma binu. I have to do my weplug posts first before Ayo kills me. Ayo btw, I love you and I know everything will work out. God will definitely turn our lives around.

P.S I Love you

Saturday, July 23, 2011

F.W.B

“Are you okay?”

“Yea, are you okay?”

“I’m good”….. Smiling knowingly

“Good” averting eyes.

Hmmm, what was that? Why does he seem cold after last night? The mind blowing sex, no that wasn’t sex, we made love. Did he not notice the difference this time? The way I gave my body, soul and heart to him. Was this time not different for him, like it had been for me? Could he not tell that I was in love with him and everything was different now?”

Friends turned lovers, a conscious decision on both parts. We respected each other, we liked each other, we could do this no strings attached. And it was good, great sex (best I ever had), no awkwardness afterwards, sometimes we cuddled, sometimes we didn’t. Exclusive, but still able to go on dates and flirt with other people, it was awesome. Until I felt the signs of catching feelings.

“I think we should end this”.

“Really!!!! why?’

“Well I think I’m ready for a serious relationship, you know. I’m getting old and its time to settle down”.

“Yea, you are getting old. The breasts are sagging a little just right there. Ok, if that’s what you want, sure. It was great while it lasted right? and we remained friends, such a win-win situation”

That was 4 months ago, I met a guy and I like him and we’ve been on several dates. He is with a girl, his best friend. We travel for yet another business conference, and we get a room together, after all we are ‘just friends’.

After a long day of training, we get back to the room, order some  room service, eat, and get on the bed, him to watch TV, and me to read a book till we fall asleep.

He starts to play with my boobs, I pay no attention, we’ve been there several times. Then he’s kissing my neck.

I turn around. “what are you doing?”

Shhhhh and he drops in for a kiss, and we make love for the first time.

His phone rings. “Hi baby, yea she’s here we had a good time last night. O come on baby, you know she’s my other best friend and we never liked each other like that. Yea besides she’s got a guy now, although I think she needs to kick him to the curb, he’s such a loser. I love you baby, see you soon.” …. She says hi.

“Does she now?. Did I just hear you say you love her, isn’t that real quick?”

“Not really, we are best friends and I’ve always loved her, but now its romantically as well. So hmmmm about yesterday?”

“O forget it, it was nothing. Just two best friends remembering old times (Okafors law). it was great though, but we probably shouldn’t do it again”

Replying just as casually, “ yea I agree"

A week later,

Phone rings. Cuts call.

Text message: Been trying to call you all week, call me back babe, I’m getting worried”

Three weeks later,

Loud knock on the door. Rushes to open the door. “oh its you, what are you doing here?”

“What the hell does that mean? I’ve been trying to reach you, I’ve called you, I’ve sent you messages. No response”

“I’ve just been busy, you know how it is?”

“Talk to me, what’s wrong. You have not said a word to me, since that day at the hotel, did I do something wrong”

“No you didn’t, I messed up. I fell in love with you and that was not part of the plan. We were only meant to be friends”

“Silly girl. If you had picked up the phone, you would have known that I love you too and I broke it up with her, because I want to be more than friends. I have missed you so much”

--------------------------------------------------------------

I saw friends with benefit yesterday, inspiring the story above. I could relate, in a way. I feel like I spent the last year and a half in a friends with benefit situation, except I messed up and I caught feelings I had no business catching and they weren’t just temporary feelings, but some deep shit that’s going to take a long time to recover from.Like how it felt to hear him tell someone else “I love you”, the pain. Except he will not be barging on my door, lol, you gotta love movies though, they make everything feel better.

In other news, 11bucks for a movie, smh. I have no regard for money btw, nowadays I make sure to use it on what I want before something else comes up, like it always does. Like my glasses breaking last week, so I had to go see the doctor, order contacts and order new glasses (300 bucks, just like that). O but my glasses are nice, they are green(the ones that broke were purple).This whole week, I would go as if I wanted to remove my glasses, forgetting that I had on contacts, I had been wearing glasses for too long.

Next week is August, I would not have finished a 100 books by then. Its not my fault though, for the first two months I was looking for a place to sleep, books were the farthest thing on my mind. But if I push it till Sept I just might guys, we’ll see. With that said i have read some really awesome books. I am about to start “The Help”.

I have a wedding in a couple hours, I get to show off my gele tying skills, which I acquired after practicing for a long time this week. If I don’t like it, I am just going to hold it jo. I love my dress though, its simple and nice, will take a picture.

Pray for me for Monday, I need this miracle really bad. Speaking of which let me get back to studying. Story will be continued on Monday. Lovely weekend guys.

P.S I Love You

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Blithed Roses – Drake

It just couldn’t be. Drake closed his eyes, thinking he was seeing things again, he could not count the many times he thought he had seen her, finding it to be someone else; at the park In NYC, the streets of London, The museum in France. “Did you see your friendly ghost this week?” His friends and family would say teasingly. With a smile, he opened his eyes, the sheer idea that of all the places he would ever see her will be back in Cali was ridiculous.

The smile froze on his face, as she started to speak. “Wishing Ed and Erica, the very best marriage will bring. May your love for each other stay just as strong as it has been for the last ten years, for the next 60 years. Looking forward to carrying that little bundle of joy in you Erica and Ed remember the promise you made to me, I will hold you to it. Congratulations guys, I Love you so much”.

Blythe Thomas, un-fucking-believable. His Blythe Thomas. He would recognize that voice anywhere. His eyes bore into her, although his face showed no outwardly expression. He immediately assessed her, noticing the changes in her, although she looked pretty much the same. Typical of Blythe to be dressed so casually to an event. The ladies here were dressed to kill, well at least the singles amongst  them who kept ogling at the men, a typical scene at an engagement/wedding party. Blythe was the only one in jeans and a casual top, he could just hear her saying “gotta hide the folds babe, its not sexy”.

She had turned her back to him now, her round derriere in sight, and he felt all the blood rush to his manhood, and he instinctively crossed his legs before anyone noticed. He was instantly transported to the last night he had seen her, the last time he had held her in his arms, the last time he had had been deep inside her - fit like a glove, the last time he had kissed her delicate lips, the last time she had smiled that same smile she was now sharing with someone she was talking to, with him.

April 7th; their 5th anniversary, the last time he had seen her. She had been absolutely surprised that he had not forgotten like he always did. One of the things he loved about her was that she had never been hurt that he sometimes forgot important dates. After the first year of relationship, she had taken to putting little reminders in places she knew he would see them; pockets, wallets, reminder on his phone, his notebook that he always carried around with him, reminder email, or a voice-note.

He had taken the day off, knowing she had the day off as well from teaching, this week was study break for the students so she didn’t have to go in at all. He woke her up with a kiss, carried her to the bathroom where he already had a bath running for her, dumped her in gently and told her to hurry up. “Drake, what the hell?” she had screamed. Quickly he ran to the car to get all the gifts he had gotten her and arranged them, one in each room of the three bedroom house, including the kitchen and the living room, she was to find them all, get dressed and meet him at the coffee shop two blocks away.

30 mins later, just as he had finished reading the last page of the daily paper, she walked in radiant and beaming, her eyes searching for him. When she saw him, she mouthed the words “I love you, so much” walked to him without breaking that eye contact, kissing him deeply as she got to him. He had ordered her breakfast, her coffee already cold. She decided to skip breakfast, “I have wicked plans for you” she said and dragged him back home.

They made love at every site of his gifts; the master bedroom, the guest room, the study, the kitchen and finally the living room. That was where he always pictured her when his thoughts would stray like they often did to her. That had been her favorite spot in the house, he would wake up some mornings and find her tucked under a blanket, reading a book, or some students essay on the right side of the black leather couch,always the right side. Making love to her on that couch, her moans as he took her from behind, the way her back arched, her hands and head on the wall, her moans of delight as she climaxed; had made him feel more powerful than any deal he had ever brokered.

He watched her for a couple minutes more and when he was sure that he had his emotions and his arousal under control, he stood up, told his fiancée he would be back and walked towards where she stood by the door. He was a couple steps away, when she turned and saw him, recognition dawning on her. Something about her look, the mirage of emotions that ran across her face, had him frozen for a second, he then continued his approach.

He was steps away, he could touch her if he extended his hands and just then she turned around and walked out.
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Meet Blythe Thomas - here
P.S I LOVE YOU.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

So......

....................I deleted twitter. Sorry Miss Natural. I also cannot believe i did it, but what had happened was i was tired of people thinking my tweet was about one person or the other. I have explained numerous times that i tweet to look for trouble, but seeing as no one seems to believe me ( i cannot for the life of me understand why people think everything i say is contrary) one more person asked and i deleted. I have been told "that was extreme", "you are a brand, you need to get back" and simply "you must get back". Lol. We'll see, right now i am not missing it, as much as i thought i would. I will miss my friends on there sha, i can't even lie. Plus no birthday shoutout for me sha, hmmmm maybe i'll get back on right before my birthday. Please if you see me on twitter right before my birthday (keyword being right before, just in-case i go back tomorrow) you should all call me out and then boycott my birthday. Lol.

So my stories come naturally to me, but the issue is making them make complete sense. Let me explain, for the past one week the part of my story that i can't figure out is the characters profession. You see i think its pivotal to the story, but i feel like you have seen or read that story before depending on the profession. I see why Nollywood stays re-making the same movies over and over again. I'm a perfectionist i know, it might seem like a minute detail, but pick i must and i shall be writing the next part of the story as soon as i'm done with this.

I have mentioned that i tend to write using a bit of my own personal story, the thing is then that i don't want to write anything that will make anybody close to me uncomfortable, or make anyone think that i am talking about them or sharing their story. So then i wonder, if i'm anything of a writer if i must tell my own story to write. How can i be good at something that i feel like i know nothing about? How do writers do research for their work, pick out the characters and make you fall in love with them? My story is about relationships, i haven't had a successful relationship ever, how then do i try to explain the process, talk about emotions i haven't experienced? So this is definitely a discovery process for me, i need to find how to be a good writer.

So i read on twitter the other day that a "friend is only a friend if you share enemies" - this is largely paraphrased but the the gist of the story was that my best friend is supposed to hate my enemy. I don't get it. Why? So the person is my enemy, if my best friend is friends with the person, then i shouldn't be best friends with her again. Does this make sense to you guys?

The other one i read said that "you are not best-friends until you have fought and then be friends again". Again largely paraphrased, but i also do not get it. I have not fought with my best friend, we don't agree on things, we argue, sometimes we don't talk to each other, we are like that, but why do we have to fight to say we are friends any more than we already are. I have fought with my male best-friend and we are still best of friends, maybe that did help us, i don't know. I just know that i never want to fight with my best-friend, she's my sister and partner and that will not just be a good look.

So my best-friend Oye looks like me, infact she looks more like me than she looks like any of her siblings. She is two days before me and has the birthmark on her body like i do on mines on the same side too. So i have this story that what had happened was, her mum delivered and something happened to the baby and the doctors wouldn't tell her what, but they knew that my mum was giving birth to twins and you know back in the days twins was a taboo (never mind that there are twins in my family o), so they stalled for two days and when my mum delivered they just took the first one and gave it to her mum. Obviously i have not worked out the kinks in the details like the fact that she was born in America and i was born in Ibadan. But that's my story and i'm sticking with it. Lol.

Ok guys, hunger is killing me and the headache is impending unfortunately. So let me go find food, do my nails, i have gorgeous nails although i just noticed that my fingers are naturally bent. I never noticed, apparently everybody else did. I shall be back for the second part of the story and to also reply comments. I'm glad you like the new layout guys, its so cutesy and girly, hehehehe. Miss Natural please send me your number/bb via email ok. And hi to all my new followers/readers, thank you so much for being a part of this.

My favorite song right now - Rescue Me - The Weekend


P.S I Love You

Saturday, July 9, 2011

This is me, you're not talking to

Hello wonderful people, how you doing? So i'm hotel room chilling this weekend. Who goes to another country and just sits in the hotel room all weekend long? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been here a number of times though so maybe that's why i am not interested. I would go swimming but i have braids on :(, i want my short hair back.

When we came in yesterday, there was a fireworks display and it was just so beautiful. So when i was young, they used to laugh at me that i was "mami-water". I don't know if i mentioned it before, but my parents say when i was a kid, i would see a puddle of water and literally jump into it. I love water. I cannot see a body of water and not gosh at its awesomeness. I would go on trips, see a body of water and where possible stop and just marvel. Its just water you would say, but i think natural bodies of water, is God's most beautiful creation.

So i missed the gist and i'm not curious enough to ask, but its another episode of war against bloggers on twitter. I am tired of it, the stereotype is extremely annoying really. I am a proud blogger, i blog about everything and anything. If i tell you that i blog and its reason enough for you to not talk to me, GOOD RIDDANCE. I am looking for any reason to not talk to guys anyways, so out the door you go, don't let the door hit you. Yes, i am sure my blogging has possibly affected my life ,friendships and  relationships. I DO NOT CARE. You just do not have to read. Finish.

So i have noticed a recent development in my life. Guys are sexually attracted to me. Please do not roll your eyes. I was always the girl, guys liked after talking to me for like a week month, getting to know me, then they find that they keep wanting to talk to me. But it was never a "omygosh, i want to smash". Not sure exactly what has changed, but its actually kinda nice. I don't think i ever had/i have self esteem issues but i had a point in my life where i hated that i was also always in friend zone, and not desired. I complained about this a lot over the past few months and now when i really could not care less and just want to be another face in the crowd is when it happens. How's that for ironic?

I did good for a friend this weekend. Its actually why i am on this trip. I am glad i was given the opportunity to. I could never repay my friends so this elevated my spirit. I wish you all the best hon, God will be with you every step of the way, on this new journey. You are a true friend who never asked for anything in return, i'll miss you.

The sucky part is not being able to share the good news, no matter how minute. See song below.

So my first real exam comes in a couple weeks. All this while I've been skating by with my smile. Now the real professionals are going to examine me and i pray to God in heaven i pass. My life will change so much after this, if it all happens. Thy will be done, Lord

I was sad the other day and i got a piercing. On my neck. :-). I need to see a psychologist/psychiatrist, sooner than later.

I am grateful to God for everything, i have finally come to the conclusion that my life would be nothing memorable without all this. I would have just been another person in the world. Not to say that i am unique in any way (i think its funny when people scream i am unique, extraordinary and special, bla bla bla). I am just a regular girl, in this big world, lucky and blessed. I however like to think that if i died today, at least a 100 people will be affected. That's a significant amount of people, lol.

#random - I dance everyday and i'm not sure if i ever mentioned this but my favorite genre of music is country music. (Again see song below). Country music singers get me.

I need to get my shoe game up. I am embarrassed to say that i only own 15 pairs of shoes. For someone who loves shoes that's such a shame.

I feel that i get judged by my lack. It's never bothered me.

They don't make them like they used to anymore. My question is why? i guess i should direct that to God really. Sometimes i think that i want to go now, so i can ask him all these questions i have, because the questions would have changed by the time i'm old and gray.

I told my mum the world is coming to an end, she said its not possible, she hasn't carried my child yet. I laughed. She's cute.

My ability to be vulnerable, insecure, strong and independent in the space of a minute baffles me.

That stupid idiot girl that said she judges people who studied English, psychology and sociology and called them us, olodos still makes me furious. There are those who think the same way but think, because they didn't say it out themselves are better than she is, let me just let you know you are equally as stupid. If in 2011, you still think any degree, anything really, makes you superior than the next, please enter the nearest lagoon and die. Actually no, don't ruin water for me, just hug a transformer.

Be a friend if you want to be a friend, don't be a two timing son of a bitch. You have to do a lot of hiding and conniving and lying, isn't that shit work? if you know you can't be a true friend (i would define this for you, but its too long) then don't be please.

I have only person in my life, that i cannot seem to forgive and just seeing her name brings up many vile emotions in me. The kicker, she hasn't done anything to me. Not sure when exactly i used her as my source to dump every vile emotion in me, but i can't seem to let it go. Prayer has not worked and i pray about it everyday. God help me.

Ok shower, read for a lil bit and then work on my story. In my mind, its awesome. I hope it reflects on paper. Be back in a couple hours.

This is me - Randy Travis............ My exact words before we ended things. - Lyrics below
Randy Travis - This Is Me: "This Is Me"

Lately I get the feeling there's something you're holding in
How can you be so quiet as close as we've been
Do you think your silence is saying there ain't nothing wrong with you
This is me you're not talking to

This is me
The one who knows you inside out
The one you've leaned on 'til now
Don't you know I'm still here for you
So what do you think you're doing
Who do you thnk you're fooling
This is me you're not talking to

You can run to me no matter what you're running from
If it's something I'm doing
I'll get it undone
Just don't let me be a stranger to what you're going through
This is me you're not talking to

This is me
The one who knows you inside out
The one you've leaned on 'til now
Don't you know I'm still here for you
So what do you think you're doing
Who do you thnk you're fooling
This is me you're not talking to


P.s I love you

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Blithed Roses……Blythe

She wasn’t sure when or how it had come about, but Blythe’s resolve was renewed, it was time to no longer wallow in self pity of the mess that was her life, a lot of which she was totally to blame for.
Today, she was in good spirits doing two of her favorite things, painting while she listened to the best of soulful music. She had noted that lately male artists seemed to capture much more of the varying emotions of her existence than the female artists. “It probably has more to do with myself than to do with the artists” she thought to herself.

She inhaled sharply and smiled, the sweet smell out of the oven assuaging her senses. There was undoubtedly, in her mind, nothing better than fresh baked cake. She was going to have to bake some later for herself as this was to be a lovely two tier chocolate rum cake filled with cream for her neighbors below who had just gotten engaged and were going to be celebrating with  family and friends tonight.

The smile turned to a slight frown and she sighed heavily; it was hard not to be a little wistful at the thought of her being yet again the single girl at the engagement party. This time was supposed to be different though, she had found her one, except it appears she was not his one. Standing up angrily, she went to the mirror “Blythe, any guy will be lucky to have you” she said, blocking out any memories of Drake. Selective amnesia they called it and forget she will, no matter how long it took her.

This was a trick she had learnt when she was just a teenager and life had started getting harder everyday. At first it just had been a way of survival, appearing outwardly calm and collected while her insides were wretched and twisted, weeping ugly tears as she smiled brightly.

As she walked back into the studio, she took a breath and exclaimed in pleasure. “Wow! wow! wow! Talk about colors”, laughing out loud. As her train of thoughts had taken a turn for the worse, her brush strokes had become furious on the canvas and what was supposed to be a good & elegant painting for her neighbors engagement gift had come out chaotic and yet strangely alluring and beautiful. She had not been aware that she had used more colors together than she ever used, preferring to always work with one color first before starting on another, making sure things blended in a nice clean way.
Ding! Ding! Ding! The timer on the oven went off.
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Hello lovelies. I have started on my story and I hope and promise that this time I will really work on it and make it good. It should be fun, plus it ensures that I am more frequent than I have been. So let me know your thoughts, any suggestion and what not.

As with all my stories, its my life in fantasy, a lot of it will be true and a lot of it will be exaggerated and have actually not ever, and will never happen.

Hope you are all good. Wishing you a great month of July and a great second half of the year. Like my title says, I am looking forward to the memories of today, with the hope that my best is yet to come and my future will be so much brighter than it is now and I will never forget where I came from. Still grateful and blessed everyday along this journey called life.
See you soon.

P.S I Love you
P.s.s I hope you heard me when I said there was nothing to forgive.
Neefemi