Sunday, December 6, 2015

A need to be understood!!

Isn't it crazy that we still all crave the feeling of being understood. How did I come up with this? The amount of people I see take these random tests on Facebook. A few days ago I saw a friend share the results of the test "What are your 3 best qualities and your one flaw?" and though I will never go look for any of these tests, whenever i see someone post their results I have to go do mine. According to my Facebook profile I am "Bubbly, Affectionate, Creative and Overemotional". I think they got 2 out 4 because I do not think the word Bubbly can be ever used to describe me and Overemotional is leaps and bounds against my very nature.

I have done a few of these tests now and I have come to the conclusion that this is because we all feel a need to be understood and also to know ourselves 'indepthly'. Most of us inspite knowing ourselves, realize that other people always perceive us a certain kind of way and we want to understand why that is so. For others, we realize that somehow without our realization we have changed or added a new dimension to who we are so we seek to know what it means and what it entails including and most especially the added responsibility of that new character.

It's interesting to think that a new character or personality trait adds responsibility but it's true. Think about it, how else does one show that he or she is kind, patient, humble etc.? By doing! and you have to do it responsibly, with intention most times and also it requires you checking yourself and your motives. With that said though I think its vitally important that people change and grow. Yes, this is who you have been but guess what? you can and probably should change. So, YES! boo boo, please discover yourself however way you choose to do just that. Might I recommend with the help of Christ in your life.

P.s This is why who you are should be rooted in Christ, it really does bring peace of mind and assurance in your identity. Anywhoos, this is just my opinion, let me know what you think.

I think this is all I have to share today. It's that time of the year when you start to take stock of what the year has been so far for you and also begin to think of the plans and hopes for the forthcoming year. I plan to spend the rest of this month wisely, happy and mostly in solitude. I think i'm glad to see 2015 go, but I don't know that my expectations are as they should be for the new year, so I guess I will work on that for the rest of the month.

Just in case I do not come back before the year is out, although i'm pretty sure I would or should, please enjoy your Christmas. Jesus Christ is the reason for the season and I pray that whatever you are still waiting for in the year 2015 you will receive in Jesus name.

Picture of the day:
MV, 2015

Quote of the day:
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
 ~George Bernard Shaw


Tuesday, November 10, 2015

It's inside of you...

I was talking to a mentor of mine who is currently having staff issues and I wondered why they couldn't seem to get it right. I mentioned that I had learnt a lot of things from him, and they had worked with him longer so I didn't get it and he said and I quote "you can't teach people something, they don't already have". I have pondered on this for the past 2 weeks and I don't know if I still quite think it's true.

For example, I had always thought that I couldn't possibly paint to save my life and yet the other day I went to a paint and sip class and I painted a really pretty picture. It was not great but it was decent and I reckon that a few more classes and instructions and I myself could be a painter. I also don't think I have an artistic eye, but like I said I have been taking really great pictures of late. I don't believe either of those things are in me rather I think they can both be learnt.

As I type though, I don't think that's what he meant when he said that. I think he means things that are inherent in one's nature or are more of personality traits or better still God given gifts e.g. kindness, compassion, grace, love, obedience, sacrifice, willingness, eagerness etc. Nways that's what I think, what do I know?

Speaking of which, I know that God has given me everything I need to be successful and I fancy myself a believer of Christ, so what does it say of me that I am still failing?

I am extremely grateful to God for the advancement in science that has given my cousin a chance to be cured of Sickle Cell disease. I cried tears of joy when i found it. I believe a cure for cancer is coming up next. What a time to be alive!!!

O, I am officially 29. It feels good :). I may have mentioned this before but I do very much enjoy getting older. I like the fact that I am now not shy about my feelings, and I'm much more able to control my emotions and also know if and when to speak my mind. Life is definitely much easier in some ways.

I am so excited about my first live hockey game, the end of the month can't be hear soon enough. The only live sporting event I haven't been to yet then is a tennis game and i can't wait for next year to be here already. I want to go to Nigeria for the holidays *real tears*, Baba God be a provider. I am definitely in need of a sugar daddy.

Endeavor to be a good person and a good friend, it could save someone you know and could bring them unexpected blessings.

Apparently my fat self is still a babe :D. The condition is that I must try. My mates are getting married and I am trying to up my style game - priorities!!!

What is this thing about the Starbucks cup though? I swear people have no sense whatsoever.

I was part of a surprise party for a fellow Scorpio who hates surprises just like me and I feel like karma is going to be such a bitch at some point but He was at least gracious about it, I on the other hand would have walked right out. Next year is the so called big 30 and i'm promising myself to not be so hype about it like I normally would so people just quietly forget.

Let me end by saying "Don't judge people for the choices they make when you don't know the options they had to choose from." Maybe options are not always a good thing.

Martha's Vineyard, 2015


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Engagement Season

Who knew this was a thing? Apparently October is the said season and it's got me dodging prayers, left, right and center. My question is why don't people pray for you on any other random day about this, why is it on somebody else's day of joy? Isn't that a tad bit selfish? Nways it doesn't help that i'm in a relatively small church and not flaunting any boyfriends around, let's just say the stank face is about to be up for the rest of the year.

Like i mentioned the other day, i have not done a single additional thing on my list. Part of it was due to finances, part of it was timing and a part of it was probably a lack of motivation. Its all linked together really but nonetheless this has been an interesting year so far.

 Btw, i am 29 in a few days. Last year before the big 30. What a time to be alive.!!! Seriously, these are interesting times, not just personally but in the world. 28 consisted of a lot more of discovering myself, discovering my strengths and weaknesses and just more of how i want to live you know. I could be a debbie downer and tell you of all the ways it hasn't been what i hoped but learning more and more that these are growing pain years so really, i count it all as joy.

One thing that was reinforced is my love for traveling. I really hate it for the most part, too much hassle, especially when you are flying, what? with all the rules moreso if you stay here in the US. And yet there's absolutely nothing like it. So this year lets see,  I've been to Michigan, Canada, Houston, Nigeria, Pennsylvania,  Tennessee and Massachusetts. All this while not so financially buoyant, i wonder what i will do when i am.  P.s reason #501 why i am not ready to get married, i can't imagine traveling with a baby but it might be fun to travel with a husband. That i can confess to, but only so he can take pictures of me :)

Speaking of marriage, this life is a pot of beans people and everybody's journey is so different that comparing yourself to others is pretty much the worst thing you can do in this life. When you have been a part of people's stories tho you wish you had a crystal ball to see how it all ends but i am not convinced about my intentions. Is it because i selfishly want it to end the way i think or because i hope it ends up way better. Either ways, i am glad there are no crystal balls to life.

#random - Arsenal won today. I take it as a form of early birthday present anytime we beat a big team like Bayern Munich.

I've fallen in love with taking pictures and I've gotten really good at it too. Only pictures of nature though, nothing i have to manipulate and i was thinking of maybe compiling them or selling them or something, but until i decide, check out the tumblr page, i will be sharing them on there. Here's one though
Martha's Vineyard, 2015

#random - Sexy underwear = boy shorts. My best friend argues and yet she buys me them every October. Its tradition :). Love you Oye.

Nways, here's to 29. Here's to a great year, hopefully the best yet. Here's to dreams coming true. Here's to success and happiness, joy, peace and rest at every side. Here's to new beginnings, greater opportunities and a fuller richer life. Here's to financial breakthrough and more than just phone calls :). Here's to a degree and a career and more travels. Here's to an even closer relationship to God and here's to all this for my family, friends and you as well.

What a time to be alive!!!

Ps. Peace.Love.Cocoa

Wednesday, September 30, 2015


This is going to be brief.

I can't believe i have not written anything since June. Jeez, where did all the summer months go?
I want to think that i have been busy and fruitful and accomplished somethings but i gotta be honest not so much in the grand scheme of things.

I am so behind on my list, let's just say that it has to be amended to 30 before 30 because October is tomorrow. Can you believe it? Ill be 29 in a few days yo.

I do have some interesting things, thoughts and ideas to share and will do, but i knew i needed to do this right now or else it might be December before i am back on here.

Anways, see you soon but before i go, listen to this.. Just a reminder that we are not defined by our past and God has so much more planned for our future and boy is it bright.

Enjoy your day, we will talk soon.

PS. Peace.Love.Cocoa

Tuesday, June 16, 2015


So i still haven't cracked my list as much as i would have loved to but i realized something, just the putting together of the list has made me go outside of my comfort zones. I am open to new ideas and i don't mind doing it alone. I miss my friends some though. Its always good to have friends around with you on adventures. But how do you get to meet and make new friends, if you don't try new things.

Exhibit 1
 A friend i'm getting to know called me up on Friday morning and just like that we went to the beach, talked, walked in the water, ate watermelons and chips and listened to good music. It was just a great day and it was needed. Be spontaneous people, life is short.

So my this person i said i'm getting to know tells me that someone had talked so much about me, she had decided not to be friends with me. Isn't that amazing? I have never done that. I have never felt the need to. I have never been so mad about anything and anyone that i will think to do just that. People are just weird or crazy.

Exhibit 2
I went to a quiet party on Sunday. It was so much fun. Dancing with a bunch of strangers outdoors in beautiful LIC and it wasn't a loud party, like we are so accustomed to. The concept is really great. You have 3 Djs, spinning straight to your ear drums and you get to choose, if you don't like the song the one Dj is playing to move to the next one. The headphones lights up so you know what other people are listening to, especially when you suddenly see everybody dancing really crazy. Furthermore, you can have a conversation if you feel like, by just taking off the headphones and not you aren't screaming at the top of your lungs over the music. O, but the most important part. It was outdoors and by the water, so you are not HOT!. I haven't had this much fun in forever. It was truly brilliant. This should definitely be on my list of things to do.

Exhibit 3
Went back to the gym on Saturday. I hadn't been since October. Sigh! It must come close to how addicts feel when they get that first hit, cos i was so high i spent 3 hours there. Couldn't go yesterday cos of the rain and i felt like a failure. Looking forward to going today for another 2 hours. I'm looking forward to the results doing the talking for me. More actions, less words.

Exhibit 4
Trying to get my head into the research mode, so i'm taking free classes online. If you are interested try or Also doing a lot of my learning Spanish via podcasts online. All free. The American dream is still alive.

Nyways, have a bunch of things i need to go finish up today and be very productive, cos i wasn't yesterday and i was really depressed. I want to maximize my time better and accomplish much more than i have done in the past year and a half and i think i'm finally there.

Can't wait and i hope and i pray the Warriors win today. No Game 7 necessary please. #TeamCurry

Ok, i think that's it. See you soon.


Tuesday, June 9, 2015


My best friend and i were talking yesterday and i mentioned that i thought Tiger Woods was a bad man because of the way he cheated on his wife. Not so much that he cheated, but the manner in which he did.

She mentioned that a lot of the men we knew then would be considered bad men and it almost made me change my mind and say, i guess well they are not bad men, But, really and truly, i stick to it. Its one thing for you to have made a mistake by cheating once or maybe even three times on your lover, girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, husband etc.

However, i truly think that if you are a consistent cheat; you plan and execute it every time; you get caught, end with that one and then start again with another; the little twat you are messing with then has the guts to insult and disrespect said partner, something you have caused and tolerated, you can consider yourself anything but a bad person. In what universe? How is that even possible that someone can think of you as amazing or awesome?

I mean i know that a person is the sum of all their parts but let me define what bad is. According to the dictionary bad means "morally depraved or wicked". You are a bad, morally depraved and wicked person if you can continually hurt someone that much, consistently and calculatingly. I'm sorry, and it must be a hard truth when you think of the other parts, but this part, this part does not care that you are generous, kind, prayerful and whatever else. Because this part = unloving and i'm positive there can be no argument about this.

Thought about this all day and i figured i might as well release it so i don't over think it.


Friday, May 29, 2015


I'm telling you there's really nothing like being yourself. Rita dove says "Being true to yourself really means being true to all the complexities of the human spirit". One needs to get rid of all that holds one from being their real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful and magical person self. Only then can one truly be happy and I've chosen happiness, God know's i have. 

People think i'm strong, something I've heard all my life. But what is strength? I believe there is the God given strength and to be frank really, there is no other kind. However, we all carry it and use it differently. Madame Marie du Deffand says " Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses". I think for me, this is the absolute truth. Especially right now when i feel like i'm still in the rut i've been trying to overcome for a year and a half now, i know that i have become stronger mentally and spiritually. Like everything God has given to us, we have a choice to embrace it or not and strength, love and joy i've embraced wholeheartedly.

So thanks for the concern. I was not even burned a little. I probably should have been, but i never looked back, not once! Because,  i believe in myself and in my future and in God's plan for my life. I have no reason to compare myself and i have no reason to worry. Instead i'm focused on accomplishing my goals and as the picture below denotes i'm far from being close. I honestly feel like my year is about to start truly on Monday, at which point i have only 6 months to accomplish all this and much more. Pray for me! O wait, no one reads this. Lol. Nways, created my vision board today and i have put all my plans in God's hands and i know i will accomplish it all by His grace.

Nways, team Warriors. I love Steph Curry, i wish he were single. I would have found him and married him. Riley is so cute though.

I can't wait to see Pitch Perfect 2 and Aloha this weekend. My plan for tomorrow night. Speaking of tomorrow, i will be MCing a 1 year old birthday party. I hope i don't suck. MCing is not something i think i enjoy but people think cos i talk a lot, i am a natural to do it. NOT! No harm in doing things out of your comfort zone though. This has to be the last one of the year.

Catching up on Grey's Anatomy and i'm so sorry i ever missed it. I still have so many to catch up on though - Scandal, Grimm, Chicago Fire, Suits etc. 

Finally, because i have other things to do. Someone who took my graduate exam with me in October is proposing for his thesis and im so mad that's not me. Quite jealous about it really. But then again the topic just seems like a Master's level topic and i'm mad that i've been so gung ho about trying to be so original. The good news is that it's finally gingered me to get my ass moving and do what i'm supposed to do, looking forward to Monday. Which reminds me that working with Africans can be so discouraging. Sigh! We need to do better. I pray Buhari delivers and helps change Nigeria, but also helps change how other African countries behave for lack of a better term.

Ok, finally finally. Lol, such a Nigerian. My tummy is still HUGE! Even with all the healthy eating so i have joined the YMCA and will be starting swimming and regularly gym classes. Which also means that i am going natural all summer, so pretty much either rocking a weave or doing ghana braids or the sort.

Ok, now i'm done.

P.S Peace.Love.Neefemi

Thursday, May 14, 2015

4.5 - Attend A Broadway


I have only completed two (ok make that 3, just signed up for an intramural sports soccer team) out of the 29 things and i have just a few months left. Not cool.

Time to get on to this ASAP! Will try to get some of the easier stuff done this weekend.

So i signed up for two meetup groups and now i'm scared. LOL. Dear Neefe, Be Brave!

I'm getting fatter. I can't understand what i'm doing wrong and i'm trying not to freak out. Just going to continue trying my best doing the right things. Slow and steady wins the race right? Changing my food habits, drinking more water and exercising more. Not even close to being a daily runner yet. But tomorrow is a new day. (That was yesterday). Today i started on my way to being a daily runner. Could have been better, but at least i started.

This commuter life is interesting i tell you. The things you find and see on the NYC train/subway, the food, the people and the But i still don't get to see the really cool stuff, like this.
I just finally had my first stress free trip and then i realize that we take this thing for granted yo. Someone just decided to go 100 miles per hour i.e. 50 miles per over and kill 7 people and injure 200 more. It really pisses me off, cos it just is an example of how people are choosing not to care. If we all just cared more, we would be more considerate, more kind, more helpful, more generous and definitely more loving. I pray we all get a bit more caring.

Its interesting just writing for my own pleasure, knowing no one reads this. There's always that conflict you know, when you want to keep things private, but you want someone to commend you still for it. A writer describes it as such " You ebb and flow between wanting to be noticed for your hard work, reveling in the attention and achievement you receive, to sinking and panicking over the thought of somebody else paying more than 30 seconds of attention to you."

My favorite show right now has to be "Undateable" and this is so funny cos i usually don't like comedy shows, but i think i love the infusion of everyday news. artists etc and just cos you can see them having so much fun. I love that about artistry. My best line from the last episode "Black people just don't laugh, they relocate". LMAO. Get it?

The Rangers won. Whoop! Whoop!! So hopefully i get to go see my first hockey game next week and it will be a playoff game, so double score.

Making an effort to just do better and be better and push myself harder. Don't think about, be about it, you know. Less talking, more doing.

Let me end by saying this.

"I Am Large, I Contain Multitudes"

Nee Fe

Sunday, April 26, 2015

1. Learn Salsa...


It has been an eventful couple of weeks since my last post.

For one, i got a job. Thank you Baba God. You know God is truly faithful because after 9 months of no job and hundreds of applications letter i finally get a job i never even filled out an application for, barely even did an interview for and it will double as my dissertation data. The experience alone is all i could have ever dreamed of. O did i mention that's in the city, which means i get to at least see people other than church members. I also get to work from home some days. Which reminds me, let me go add that to Linkedin.

I haven't been consistent in my Spanish language but i am no longer a novice at Foxtrot, swing, rumba, tango and Salsa. Isn't it amazing the difference a month makes? It's been fun learning to dance though. Always loved dancing so it's been a dream come through and come next week. I would be done with my #1 to do, Learn Salsa.

So i'm not sure why i wanted to watch movies as part of my to do list but i'm not a fan of movies at all, or better still i'm very particular about the movies i watch and one movie into the hundreds of movies i want to watch and i don't get how this possibly won the best movie of the year. Anyone seen "Birdman or the virtue of ignorance"?.

O went to Atlantic City about 2 weeks ago, which also ticks off one of the locations i have to visit in exploring NJ. I found out that there's a nude beach in NJ. Awwwweeeessssooooommmmeee. I get to go do my skinny dipping there. Hopefully the weather becomes warm sometime in this century. I haven't even been running. Too cold out there men.

Saw my cousin for the first time in 7 years the other day when he came down for a 24hr visit to NYC. I was too elated but i realized we need to do better as a family i tell you. Speaking of people i haven't seen in forever, i get to see Ayo of Weplug tomorrow, we worked closely together for years and still are friends and we have never met face to face.

Last but not least, so my cousin stayed at the Ritz Cartlton when he came and let me just tell you men, there are hotels and there are hotels. That was my first luxury hotel experience and i can't wait to be experience it again.

Nways, just thought i'll drop by with my thoughts.

Have a great and blessed week.

Monday, March 30, 2015

#13. Teach A Class

Quote of the day
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
- Aristotle

One down, 28 to go.

Yep, yep. It's about time. Had been feeling very unaccomplished so what better way than to teach a bunch of youths to make me feel important. Ok, not important but you know, good!!!

I was the guest teacher at my church's youth class and it was really a great time. I spoke to them about excellence in education and excellence in serving, 2 things God has given me the grace to do well. They seemed to be engaged and a little awed, so that was great.

I did not take a picture or record it as promised, because i felt awkward having them do it, but i reckon that i will have other opportunities to teach a class this year so will do then. 

As you can probably guess, this was one of my cheat items, because i was guaranteed to do it, but you need some of these so you are sure you will at least accomplish some thing. I will accomplish it all though and next up is learn salsa which begins this Thursday and i'm on my way to becoming a runner this Wednesday.

Nways, i wish you a blessed solemn week. 

Ps. anyone else watching "Comedy Central Roast for Justin Bieber" ?... Too funny!! I really shouldn't be watching it though as i try to be very conscious of what i'm listening to, watching and reading. But i can't help it. Needed to see what the hoopla was about.

Pps. I feel the need to stay up to see who won the Nigerian Presidential Election but ny lack of sleep shall not change the result so i guess that's not a great idea.

I'll be back.

Yours Truly
 ~ Nee Fe Mi

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

29 before 29

Happy New Year,

I will do myself favor and not explain my absence and just say that i am back. Largely because i have a mission that i need to accomplish and with me accountability is key.

For too long i have been waiting to live my life. I have been waiting for that one thing to happen that will propel every other area of my life. Constant lack and disappointments literally frustrated the will to live out of me. For too long, i have simply existed.

Well, no more. Not sure what contributed to the change, just that i did and so i started making plans. Then i read this really cheesy novel and she does this 30 by 30 list  and it just seemed like so much fun. Never mind that i've had a list for over 5 years and hadn't even done one (read old list here). Looking back at that list made when i was 25, i realize that i was a tad bit silly and that i'm much more spiritually mature. Mostly tho, it shows that i still have some of the same desires and that i have been stagnant for the past 4 years.

So, i decided on creating a Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Timely Goal.
S - 29 specific things.
M- I will document everything either through pictures/videos and obviously via the blog.
A- None are crazy expensive and half of them can be accomplished today if i wanted to.
R- You let me know what you think, but i think so.
T -7 months and 1 day from now i.e. My 29th birthday.

There you have it!Will update periodically of course and i am sure that i will be motivated to write in general, just because.

Share your list, if you have one and if not, begin one and whatever else you do LIVE!!!!

P.S I Love You :)
Nee Fe Mi