Monday, June 6, 2016

Now you see me...

I'm not sure why I'm here seeing as I don't really have much to say and yet I've felt the need to write beckon every day for the past week like a siren's call.

Let's start with what I know.

May was unkind to me. I really do pray that the day when I can look back at the pendulum that is my life, the constant high and low swing of my destiny, and laugh it off is fast approaching. I keep trying to remind God that i'm not as strong as He might think I am, and that I can't bear it anymore and I would rather be in Heaven than continue to suffer so, but He clearly is not even acknowledging me. 

Dissertation is moving along. Hoping to be knee deep in it come next month.

Back in the gym. One week on, one week off, lol. I need to get my act together, I have about 4 weddings to attend between July and October.

Began my very first side sales gig. Look out for Lael designs, your very best in ready to wear Ankara designs.

Began the mentoring, well technically beginning (first meeting is this Saturday), that I mentioned earlier. Praying for God's success.

I give too much of myself and I forget to love myself. That must change.

"Having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don't fool" - Unknown.
Ain't that the truth! I can't exactly tell you I know when I put on the disguise but I do know it's been on for way too long and now all I crave for is someone who truly sees me without me saying a word. I know that is asking for a whole lot but I can't seem to help it. The need is stronger than the air I breathe.

I will be 30 in October. I will have a lot to testify by then in Jesus Name. Amen.

What I don't know

What the next steps are...
The dreams/desires/passions keep increasing with no apparent clarity on which path to take and more importantly how. What the hell is my purpose? For someone who prides herself on being valuable, I am feeling very worthless lately.
How to continue to fight my way and win the battlefield of my mind.
How to better structure my time and not take on way too much as much as I want to.
How to be broken because maybe then God will remember me and step in.

My Prayer

That this will indeed be the very last time I come on here to write because I am so full of sorrow and mourning will indeed turn to dancing. I pray June is kind and generous 

Action Items

Continue to pray and read my devotion daily
Continue to set goals and work at achieving them day in day out
Catch up on my reading and write more
Strive harder by God's grace to make my dreams come true.
Keep working out
Love myself more